


The Pros and Cons of Breathing

by KethriHolmes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Choices, Kidnapping, Langst, all is pain, family and angst, fluff eventually probably, good luck, no pairings just family, why do i like to hurt my children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2018-12-31 21:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 51,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12141648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KethriHolmes/pseuds/KethriHolmes
Summary: Lance and the other Paladins (Allura, not Shiro) are captured by Lotor and his generals. Lance is forced to make a choice that could end in death for one or all of his friends and teammates. What will he do? What can he do? You'll find out, dear readers. You'll find out. (Hint: It's nothing good. Come on, this is a langst fic. I don't know what you expected but it should have been this.)*cue ominous chuckling in the distance*Special thanks to my roommate, DreamersEclipse, for letting me force her into beta-ing my shit. Go you. Now go read that other thing that I gave you to look over, like, a year ago.Theme song for this fic is "The Pros and Cons of Breathing" by everyone's favorite Fall Out Boy.EDIT: Since the new season came out, I feel the need to put this here. This fic takes place between seasons 3 and 4.EDIT 2.0: Just so everyone knows, I'm using she/her pronouns for Pidge. I have nothing against a nonbinary Pidge if that's what you want to write, I just personally think that her gender switch was only out of necessity and not from feeling disassociated from her assigned gender. K thanks, bye.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just wanted to thank you all for being here and supporting me in bringing pain and suffering to your favorite characters.
> 
> Also, I've decided to crowd-source chapter titles for this story, so let me know if you have any ideas. Bonus points if it's a song title. Bonus bonus points if it's a Fall Out Boy song or a song from a musical. Fly free, my little muffins.
> 
> But not too far. You have a story to read. I wrote it with all the love and affection my cold, dead heart can give.
> 
> Which is none.
> 
> Happy reading!

Lance looked out of the window on the observation deck at the cold expanse of space. It was beautiful, for sure, being up among the stars, but he missed Earth. He missed having solid ground beneath his feet and the wind in his hair. He missed the ocean. He missed sunsets and sunrises. Part of him wanted to leave. Go home. Run away. Voltron would be alright without him, might even do better without him holding everyone else back.

He turned his back to the stars. He couldn't afford to think like that right now, not with the Galra pressing in from every side and the threat of Lotor constantly hanging over them, but he couldn't help it. It was so easy when anyone with half a brain could see that he was the weak link here. He was the only one who didn't have any special skills. He wasn't a leader, like Shiro, or a good fighter like Keith. He couldn't fix machines like Hunk or understand technology like Pidge. Allura was calm and collected and a good leader and caretaker. He was just a lump, meat in a seat. Sure, he was an okay shot, but so was Keith. That didn't make him special. Nothing did.

The ship's alarm system snapped him out of his reverie. He shook his head to clear out the thoughts of self-doubt and helplessness that were crashing in around him, threatening to make him just curl up on the floor and never move again. Instead he ran. He'd found that he liked running. He preferred swimming, but running would have to do for now. He would do laps of the hangar bay, running circles around Blue until he was gasping for air and his legs burned. No pain, no gain, right?

Focus, Lance, he chastised himself, taking off towards the bridge. Everyone else was already there when he arrived.

"Finally," Keith said. "Everyone's here. There's been an attack on a nearby planet, a hit by the Galra. We think Lotor himself might be there. We just got the distress signal in. Coran?"

"Yes," Coran said, looking at the control panel. "The planet's pretty close by, only a few hours by your measurements. The distress signal didn't give us much to go on. Just that there was a Galra fleet attacking one of the cities and that the planet doesn't have the firepower to drive them off. We don't know how many people are there or what the Galra are after. The planet is under their control, but we haven't heard of a revolt there, and so don't know why they would become a target."

Shiro turned to the Paladins. "Then you guys had better get going," he said. Lance saw the little fall of his face as he said it, although their former leader hid it well. He wanted to be going with them. Lance wanted him to being going, too. His talk the previous week with Keith about how he wasn't going to be replaced hadn't changed his thinking that it would be better if Shiro were on the team and not himself.

Now was not the time for that, he reminded himself. Again. Now they needed to go save a planet.

Lance and the other Paladins rushed to their separate hangars where their lions were waiting for them. Lance stepped up to Red and was welcomed into his new lion. It still felt strange, and he missed Blue. Blue had been a calming presence. Red was more of an activating agent. Piloting her, being connected to her, it made him more daring, more alert. It was good for dealing with her speed and agility, but it could be draining and Lance hadn't really gotten much of a chance yet to build up his stamina for it.

Keith had never seemed to have any trouble keeping up.

Betrayed again by his own thoughts. Typical. Lance sat in his chair and got ready to go as soon as the hangar doors opened. 

"Everybody ready?" Keith's voice came through the radio in his helmet. There was a chorus of affirmation from the rest of the Paladins. "Then let's head out. We'll assess the situation better when we get there, but for now the plan is to drive away the Galra forces and try to protect the people on the planet as much as possible."

The doors opened and the lions flew out. Before going to her own lion, Allura had jumped them through a wormhole as close to the planet as she could. It would only take them a couple minutes to get there.

As soon as they reached the planet, they could tell that something was off. "Where's the attacking fleet?" Pidge asked. There didn't seem to be any sign of them. No ships, no gunfire, nothing. Had the attack already finished? That didn't make sense. It hadn't been ten minutes since they got the transmission.

"Lets fly in lower for a closer look," Keith said. "But be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary. And be careful."

"You know me," Lance said, trying to lighten the mood. With the discovery that the Galra were nowhere to be seen, the atmosphere had gotten heavy and it was making him uncomfortable. "My middle name is careful."

"Focus, Lance," Keith's voice said in his ear. "Something's seriously off here. We can fool around later."

Lance was about to make another stupid comment, but decided against it. He'd save it for a time when his jokes would be better appreciated. Which seemed to be never. Groans of annoyance were a punmaster's favorite sound, but mostly Lance's terrible jokes seemed to be met with just...silence. Everyone was tired, he knew. He was tired. They were tired. The lions would probably be tired if they weren’t made of metal and magic. It seemed like there was no end to the Galra attacks. Sometimes Hunk and Pidge would joke around with him still, but those times were getting more and more rare. When they finally got around to rearranging Voltron, maybe he'd leave to find somewhere that his humor was properly appreciated.

Now that he'd thought it, it didn't seem like too bad an idea.

They dipped down towards the planet’s surface, flying low over the city. Like when they approached the planet, it was eerily quiet down below. There were no attacking forces, no people in the streets. Just nothing. Like everyone had up and disappeared.

"Anyone else find this really creepy?" Hunk asked.

"Let's split up and look around a bit more," Keith suggested.

Lance wasn’t sure. This felt like a trap to him and he didn’t feel comfortable being away from the others. “I don’t know...” he said slowly. “This feels like a trap, and we probably shouldn’t get separated.”

“It’ll be fine,” Keith assured him. “This way we can cover more ground, get a better idea of what’s going on.”

That made sense. It didn’t make Lance feel any better, but it did make sense.

“Alright,” he conceded. “And I can always swoop in and save the day if one of you gets in trouble.” He at least got a snort out of Pidge for that one. That was something, at least.

They fanned out, scanning the ground for any kind of life, native or Galra. Anything other than the disturbing emptiness. It was making Lance’s skin crawl.

He was about to give up and go back to the meeting point when he saw something glowing on the ground. “Hey guys, I think I found-” He didn’t get to finish his sentence as a wave of crackling green energy burst from the object, hitting Red and sending the two of them spiraling through the air, all of Red’s systems knocked out. Lance was thrown from his seat and he had a second to regret not wearing his seatbelt because it was “uncomfortable” and “chafed his neck something awful” before he hit first the ceiling, then the floor, and then the back of his chair. They hit a building and Lance slammed into the back of the cockpit, banging his head against the wall. His helmet protected him from the worst of it, but his head was spinning.

Inventory, go.

His head hurt. A lot. He might have a concussion. He turned his head and almost passed out. Scratch that, he definitely had a concussion. The rest of him seemed to be okay, though. He’d have some bruises for sure, but his armor had protected him from the worst of it. It hurt to move but he wasn’t bleeding anywhere, so that was good.

“Anybody home?” He asked the open air. All he got back from his radio was static. Figures. Seemed that whatever had knocked out Red had taken out his radio, too. Must have been some kind of EMP.

“Guess it’s just you and me, then,” he told the lion. No response.

He knew that he should get up, go over to the console, try to get Red moving again, but every time he even thought about standing, his head spun. That concussion must have been worse than he thought. He managed to sit up and pull off his helmet to see that there was some blood on the back. Not a lot, but some. Great. Perfect. Wonderful. He set the helmet aside and leaned back against the wall. He wanted to sleep, but what little he knew about medicine told him that was not a good idea. He needed to stay awake and coherent, although he couldn’t remember specifically why. It didn’t really matter.

Staying awake was hard, especially when closing his eyes did a lot to stop the turning of his stomach.

He didn’t remember blacking out. He remembered leaning against the wall and remembered waking up lying on the floor but nothing in between. He jerked back up into a sitting position, panic fighting with sickness for top spot in his “uncomfortable things in Lance’s life” list.

How long had he been out?

Were the others looking for him? If they were, they clearly hadn’t found him yet. Which was concerning. It would have been easy to follow his path from where they had split up.

His head seemed to have calmed down a little, though. Now he just felt a little queasy instead of full-on nauseas. He stood carefully, grabbing his helmet. Maybe the radio would work outside and he could contact the other Paladins for help.

He should have known better. He should have been more careful. “Mental note: don’t go towards green glowy strangers,” he muttered out loud. The quiet of the city mixed with the lack of noise coming from Red was making him extremely apprehensive, and although his voice sounded small and awkward, it was still better than nothing.

He had to manually open Red’s mouth so that he could get out. He didn’t like it. It felt brutal and wrong. But he was doing no good inside. “Sorry, girl,” he muttered as he stepped out. “I’ll find Pidge and Hunk and they can figure out what’s wrong with you.” He patted her metal face and turned to walk towards the EMP thingy.

It wasn’t glowing anymore, which was something. Designed for just one use? He guessed. Or maybe it was just charging up for another attack. Pidge would have known.

He shouldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t. It was a terrible idea and he was terrible for even considering it.

But he wanted to.

Oh, did he want to.

It couldn’t do that much harm, right? The device was meant to take out electronics, and last he checked he wasn’t made of wires. A robot could never have his glowing skin and impeccable sense of humor. It would go against their programming or whatever.

He reached out his hand and touched the device.

It was cold to the touch. Metal, duh. Other than that, it seemed to be pretty dead. Maybe it was just meant for one charge.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” A voice said from behind him. He whirled around to face one of Lotor’s lackeys. E...E...Ezor? He thought that was right, but it sounded wrong. She was the energetic one. Lance couldn’t help but admit that he kind of liked her. Or would, if she wasn’t working for the enemy. In another life, they might have been able to be friends. “We had it made specially for you and your friends. Not many things can take out a Lion of Voltron.”

“A fan, are you?” Lance said, putting on his most winning smile. When in doubt, go back to what you know. And what he knew was how to crack a joke. “I’d give you an autograph but you might try to stab me with the pen.”

Ezor laughed. Typical that the first person to really laugh at one of his jokes would be the enemy. “You’re cute,” she said. “I think I’ll take you home with me.” She faded out of existence and then reappeared in the air above his head. Lance didn’t have a chance to react before she was on top of him, her legs wrapped around his neck, pulling him to the ground.

He struggled, of course - thrashing around, trying to push her off, attempting to wriggle free - but she was strong and had the fact that she was actively cutting off his air supply to her advantage. His vision faded to black as he choked and gasped, clawing at Ezor’s legs. Then the darkness consumed him and he slumped to the ground, unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you nerds enjoyed this first chapter. I'm really excited to see how this turns out.
> 
> However, that means nothing as far as a posting schedule goes. I'm awful at those. However, I am greatly motivated by praise and attention, so the more people bug me about new chapters, but more likely I am to post them faster. Just a suggestion. Definitely not begging for kudos and comments like a trash youtube channel. Nope. Not me.
> 
> Characters belong to Dreamworks. I don't own them, I just destroy them. Really, really well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *warning* This is the chapter with the main character death.
> 
> Lance finally finds out why he's been kidnapped and he has to make a choice.

Lance woke to the worst headache he could remember. He was lying on his side and his hands were resting in front of him, stuck together. His feet, too. Also, his throat felt like it was on fire and he was positive that it was bruised. He kept his eyes closed, part of him not wanting to know where he was. But he already knew from the feel of cold metal under his face that he wasn't in the same place he'd been knocked out.

Ezor.

His memories were coming back to him in pieces. He'd been fighting Ezor, if that one-sided mess could be called a fight, and she'd strangled him into unconsciousness. He'd have to have some words with her about that. Very pointed, angry words.

Reluctantly, he pried his eyes open. He needed to see where he was so he could figure out what to do next.

The room around him was made completely out of a dark grey metal lit only by a small window about eye level on the door. There was no furniture or even a door handle.

Alright, what about himself? He was an idiot for letting himself get captured? Check. He let his curiosity get the better of him and had been caught off-guard. He was tied up? Double check. There were metal bands around his wrists and ankles that were not only stuck together but also seemed to be magnetically attached to the floor. Try as he might, he couldn't pull either up more than a millimeter. He was hungry and thirsty? Check and check. Since he'd been unconscious twice since he and Red had crashed, he had no idea how long it had been, but judging by the fact that his stomach was trying to eat itself from the inside, it had been a while.

Step one: assessment. Step two: plan.

He didn't have one.

He could try to attack any kind of guard that came in to grab him or feed him or whatever, but with how strongly his limbs were attached to the floor, that wasn't likely. He wasn't the best at close-quarters combat anyways. He worked better at a distance. If only he could access his bayard.

He looked down at his clothing. He was still fully dressed in all his armor except his helmet, which was probably still lying in the street where he'd left it. His bayard was also nowhere in sight. Figures.

He basically only had one option. Wait.

Which he hated.

But either one of Lotor’s goonies would come get him so that he at least knew what they wanted from him or the others would rescue him.

Or they wouldn't.

It would save him the trouble of running away if they just left him and rearranged, with Keith and Shiro going back to their original lions.

Team Voltron had enough to worry about without looking all over the galaxy for him, and he wasn't that important anyways.

He couldn't tell how much time passed, but it felt like hours. He napped at some point in the middle - no use in being exhausted when someone came to get him, whether it be friend or foe, and he prided himself on being able to sleep anywhere at any time.

Then finally, someone came.

And it was a foe.

A Galra officer, to be exact.

The door slid open and he stepped through. “Prince Lotor requires your presence.”

“I'd prefer not to,” Lance replied with an over-dramatic yawn. “I think I'll just take a nap instead.” So he used humor to cover up fear and anger and sadness and just about every negative emotion a human could experience. He was sure a good therapist would tell him it was “unhealthy” and to “not hide from his feelings.” But he wasn't a therapist, and he doubted this Galra was one either, so he was safe here from their disappointed pity.

The Galra, however, was not amused. He pulled the cuffs off the floor with a snap and raised Lance’s arms above his head. He couldn't help but cry out in surprise and pain as his wrists were forced to support the weight of his entire body, his toes brushing uselessly against the floor. “It wasn't a request.”

“Okay, dude,” Lance said, his voice a little raspy from the strain. “Whatever you say.” The guard just grunted and dropped him back to the floor.

“Get up,” he ordered. Lance obeyed. There wasn't much else he could do at this point. His hilarious quips weren't getting him anywhere with this lump. Again, appreciation. He needed it.

The guard used a bar-like key to deactivate the cuffs around his ankles. Sort of. The pulled apart so that he could walk, but they were still there and he could feel them tugging at each other, making each step take more effort than it normally would.

With a gun at his back, Lance was pushed out into a hall, down it, into another hall, and on and on. They twisted and turned and Lance knew he'd never find his way out, even if he did somehow escape.

He didn't even know why he was still toying with the idea of escape.

He wasn't smart enough or strong enough.

The team should just leave him behind.

In true Lance style, he fell back on humor. “Such a long walk,” he said. “Must be something pretty special on the other side. I hope it's ice cream. Or a puppy.” It earned him a whack on the head, but the sound of his own voice genuinely made him feel better.

Keith would have a field day if he knew Lance had thought that.

He didn’t know how long the walk was, but his legs were starting to ache by the time he was stopped in front of a door. It slid open and he was pushed through.

He wanted to cry when he saw what was on the other side.

Keith. Allura. Pidge. Hunk. They were all there, backed up against poles, their arms tied high above them. Lance wanted to sink to his knees, to cry. Not them. Anyone but them. They were important. The galaxy needed them. They couldn’t be here.

Lotor was sitting in a high backed chair off to Lance’s left. His generals were around him, two on either side. He must have seen Lance’s horror and laughed. "I know. Impressive, isn't it. All of Voltron, conveniently in one place. I'd say it was too easy, but it took months to devise a plan that would split you up for long enough to be captured individually. And now," he motioned to one of the eight guards surrounding the area.

The guard walked up to Lance, holding out his gun. Lance flinched. He was going to die. Right now. In front of his friends. He was useless. He shouldn't be putting them through this. Still, he wasn't going to let them see how scared he was. He wasn't going to let Lotor see, wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

He looked up and grin. "Is that for me?" He asked, looking at the gun. "Thanks, buddy. And it's not even my birthday.:"

"Actually," Lotor said, shifting in his chair and crossing his fingers, "It is for you." The guard turned the gun around and held it out to Lance, who looked at it suspiciously.

"I knew you had problems," he said, subconsciously leaning away from the gun, "But if you'd wanted to die so much, you should have just told us."

Lotor chuckled. "You aren't going to kill me with it." Lance turned his head to look at Lotor, eyes wide. Then who? He knew. In the darkest part of his mind, he knew. But he didn't want to. Lotor knew, too. He motioned to the other Paladins. "You're going to kill one of them."

Lance shook his head. He could hear the other Paladins protesting, but they were too far away for him to hear what they were saying. And now his vision had tunneled down to focus on the gun that was still being held out to him.

Lotor's voice brought him back to the present. "Here are the rules, Blue Paladin. You WILL shoot one of your friends. That is inevitable. Because the other options are much, much worse." Lance couldn't think of what would be worse than shooting one of his friends. "Here are the rules," Lotor continued. "You will shoot one of the Paladins in front of you. The rest, including you, will go free." Lance felt sick. This was a sick game. He didn't want to play. "If you choose not to shoot, all four of them will die in front of you and then you will die. The same will happen if you try to shoot someone who isn't a Paladin. And you better shoot to kill. There's no getting out of this one, little blue."

The gun moved even closer to him. It was within arm's reach now. "Go on," Lotor urged. "Take it."

Lance looked at his friends across the room. He couldn't see the expressions on their faces. Not that it would help him any. How could he make a decision like this.

"Time is running out." Four of the guards raised their guns, aiming at the Paladins.

Numbly, Lance took the gun still being offered to him. It was small, not like his rifle, enough for him to be able to hold it with his hands still locked together, but it had a long barrel. It was designed for long-range shooting.

For him.

He lifted his arm, aiming in the direction of his friends, but not at them. Keith. Allura. Pidge. Hunk. How could he kill any of them. He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. But to not do it...to sentence them all to death...he tried to think of what they would do. What Shiro would do.

They would do what they had to.

There was only one way out of this. He turned the gun on each of them, thinking. Deciding. "Hurry up, little blue," Lotor said. "If you don't do something soon, I will."

No.

He couldn't do it.

Not to them.

There was only one way.

Before anyone could stop him, before they knew what he was doing, he turned the gun. He turned it on himself. Before anyone could stop him, he pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Except I'm not. Not really. The next chapter is going to switch perspectives since, clearly, we can't use Lance anymore. From this point on i'm probably going to bounce around with perspectives, see how everyone reacts.
> 
> Love you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to focus on Keith and his reaction, but will also touch on the other Paladins.

When Keith saw Lance being walked in from the other side of the room, his heart fell. He hadn’t really believed it, but he’d been hoping that Lance had made it out. That at least one of them had gotten away. That he hadn’t completely failed his team.

That would have been too lucky. It wouldn't fit the Voltron theme of "why would things go right when they could go so, so wrong?" Seriously, they needed it on shirts.

He looked around for anything he could use as a way out. All he could really move, though, was his head. His arms were stretched too high above them to be of any use.

He needed to get to Lance.

He could see that Lotor was talking to his friend and teammate, but couldn't hear what was being said. The others were protesting something. He should be paying more attention to the enemy, but all his attention was on Lance. He couldn't even really see the look on Lance's face. He wished, desperately, that he could know even that. Lance wasn't one to adopt a mask, to hide his feelings. If Keith could see his face, he would know what he was thinking.

A guard approached Lance and handed him...no. No, that wasn't right. The guard was handing him a gun. Why would they do that? Didn't they know that Lance was the best shot on the team? He could take out all of them in a minute and have everyone out of there, no problem. Keith almost smiled. Things were looking up. Maybe they could get out of this.

Then Lance was leveling the gun. At them. At his friends. This has to be part of the plan, Keith thought. Lance was playing their game just long enough to figure out a new plan. Keith looked around. Eight guards, four generals, and Lotor. That wasn't so bad. Lance could do it. Then more stepped out of the shadows. Counting quickly, Keith got at least thirty. That...that would be harder.

Come on Lance.

Lance didn't seem to notice the new arrivals. All of his attention seemed to be on the gun in his hands. His head didn't move. His arms didn't move. He seemed...frozen. In fear? In thought? Keith strained his eyes. He just needed a glimpse of Lance's face. Then he would know better. Then he'd be able to make a plan.

Then the gun moved. Keith tensed, waiting. He didn't realize what Lance was thinking until it was too late. He didn't cry out until Lance was already on the ground, a large black burn right at his temple.

"Lance!" He screamed. "No!"

It was too late.

Lotor was laughing. Loud. Unending. Each second of laughter felt like a punch in Keith's gut. No. No. Nonononono. This wasn't happening. This wasn't real. He'd wake up and he'd still be in Black. He'd just fallen unconscious from the crash and his mind was playing out his fears. His fears of being a bad leader. His fear of losing someone.

He pulled against his restraints now, struggling violently. He didn't see that, beside him, Allura was crying, her sobs huge and heaving. Or that, further down, Pidge was frozen in shock, her eyes fixed on Lance’s unmoving form. Or that Hunk was shouting, calling for Lance to wake up buddy, just wake up. 

He didn't see Lotor walk up to them, his generals trailing behind him.

He heard when Lotor spoke.

“Well,” he said cordially, like they were out at a picnic or in a lounge having tea instead of...of this. “I suppose a deal is a deal, isn't it?”

Keith stopped moving and looked at Lotor, blinking slowly. What deal? What was Lotor talking about?

“To be honest, I didn't expect it to turn out this way,” Lotor continued. “Actually, I kind of expected him to try and shoot me. I had a plan to avoid getting shot, of course, but the things that must have been going through his head.” Lotor grinned. “Delightful.”

Keith didn't know exactly what had been going through Lance’s head, but he could guess. “Maybe the best thing I can do for the team is step aside.” Lance saw himself as the weakest link. He saw himself as useless. Keith had tried to help, tried to boost his confidence in little ways. Apparently, none of it had stuck. He should have tried harder. Maybe he could have prevented this. Maybe Lance would have seen another way out of this crappy situation.

His awareness of the real world came back when a guard walked over and unclasped his hands. The same was being done to his friends.

“Put them on a ship,” Lotor ordered. “Chain them to whatever works and put the ship on autopilot back to the city. Then hide the keys and set them loose.” He turned to go.

Keith mouth was open in surprise. “You're just...letting us go?” He asked.

Lotor turned back to him grinning. “One, dear boy, don't question someone who is setting you free. And two, you all may think I'm heartless, but I still have honor. I would not tarnish your friend's sacrifice by going back on our arrangement. A paladin is dead. The rest go free. Besides,” he added as he turned again to go. “It's not like you can form Volta on anymore, so you're not much of a threat to me.”

That. That stung. It hurt more than Keith had been expecting it to. He had figured it out, of course. But hearing it from Lotor, from the enemy...it was different.

They could rearrange. They had done it before.

Keith shook his head to clear that thought out of his mind. He didn't want to think about that right now. He wanted to be in denial for just a little while longer.

The four guards that had retrieved them from the pillars now pushed them through hall after hall until they reached a hangar bay. Like Lotor promised, they were herded onto a ship, strapped down and sent off into space, drifting. Keith couldn't see the planet they had come from, so there was no way to tell how long of a journey this was going to be.

Keith.

Keith spent the ride curled up into a tiny ball, his head tucked as close to his knees as he could make it. He wished he could keep going until he disappeared completely. His fault. He’d let Lance down. He’d let his team down. He hadn’t been a good enough leader. He should have thought of something, some way to get them all out of there.

But instead Lance had died thinking that none of them would care.

Pidge.

Pidge spent the time muttering to herself. She'd been attached to the floor at the back of the cockpit. Everyone else was evenly spaced around the room. Hunk was to her left, Allura to her right, and Keith across from her, attached directly to the pilot's chair. 

She had to think. There had to be some way that it hadn't happened, a logical explanation that wasn't 'I just watched by friend die right in front of me and couldn't do anything about it.' It could have been a hologram. It could have been a robot made to look like Lance. They had been too far away to see his face. That could have been because to get closer would have been to reveal their deception. Lance might not have even been captured at all. But then, why would Lotor have let them go.

The only option that made sense was that Lance was actually dead and she was actually never going to see him again. But she couldn't accept that, not yet. She hadn't given up on Matt yet, and she wasn't going to give up on Lance so easily. She just had to think.

Hunk.

Hunk was sobbing uncontrollably. He had known Lance the longest, had been friends with him before they had even arrived at the Garrison. In fact, it had been Lance that had convinced him to go in the first place, had told him that his knack for engines and mechanics would be really useful. And they could stay a team.

Hunk also suspected that Lance had been afraid of leaving home, leaving his family, and had wanted a friendly face. Not that he'd ever admit that.

Allura.

Allura was the only one who seemed to be able to work through the shock. She cared for Lance, of course, and had come to consider him part of the family, even if she didn't necessarily get along with him as well as she did with the other paladins. She'd thought he didn't take their mission seriously enough. That he didn't care enough about stopping Zarkon. She just wished that she hadn't been proved so wrong this way. 

But this was not the time to mourn. They were still technically captives and had no way of knowing that Lotor was going to continue to keep his promise of setting them free.

"Is everyone alright?" She asked once they had traveled a little ways away and had not yet been pulled back onto the ship. "Is anyone hurt?" She could see her friends, but without being able to go up to them and check, she wanted to know for sure that everyone was at least physically alright.

"Lance is," Keith replied, his voice flat. Allura looked into his eyes and was struck immediately with the guilt behind them. The pain. That was when it really hit her. She'd been thinking about Lance in her own terms. He meant a lot to her and to the team, but their immediate safety had become her priority. She hadn't even thought to look at how the others were faring. 

No one was alright. Keith was more in pain than she had ever seen him. Hunk’s face was red and swollen from crying. And Pidge had a look of determination in her eyes that was almost scary.

She didn’t try to say anything else. She simply let them grieve as best as they could at the moment. There would be time for other things when they were safely back on the ship.

At some point, she had closed her eyes and must have drifted off because she was roused again when the ship touched jerkily down. Looking out the window, she could see the tops of buildings. As promised, they were back in the city where they’d started.

Now what?

Were Coran and Shiro even still here? Coran could pilot the ship by himself, if he needed to, and she didn’t know how long it had been since they were captured. She’d figured they’d only been gone about a day, but it was hard to tell when you were in an out of consciousness. And what had happened to their lions? Lotor didn’t even seem to really care about them. They weren’t part of his plan, whatever that was.

She didn’t have to wait long to get answers to some of her questions. They waited in silence for a time span that felt agonizingly long but was probably only about ten dobashes. Then the door to the cockpit slid open. Allura prepped herself to fight, even if the only thing she had some use of was her legs.

But it was Shiro who ran in, followed closely by Coran. “It’s you!” Shiro said, running over to Pidge, who was closest, and kneeling down in front of her. Coran hurried over to Allura. “What happened? Where did all of you go? One second everything was fine, then Lance was saying that he’d found something, and then...nothing. We found all the lions and brought them back to the ship but...” Shiro’s voice trailed off. He looked around the room, his eyes taking in each of them. “Guys, where’s Lance?”

Hunk, who had finally calmed down, started crying again, silent this time but no less heartbreaking to watch. Pidge and Allura hung their heads, looking at the floor. Keith looked straight at Shiro, and his eyes were full of hurt. “Lance is...Lance is dead, Shiro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this. The next chapter is going to go back in time a little bit so we can see what the other paladins were up to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other paladins, along with Shiro and Coran, tell the stories of what happened to them after the EMP went off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took longer than usual to come out. I was having trouble deciding whether to start it one way or the other and so I wrote both and picked one. But anyways, here it is! Enjoy.

Shiro’s first instinct was to laugh, to tell Keith that it wasn’t funny and to tell him where Lance really was. His first instinct was denial. It was a joke.

Then he saw Keith’s face.

Then he saw the effort it took for Keith to get the words out, the strain in his voice.

It only took a couple of steps to cross the small cockpit and close the distance between himself and Keith. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around his friend.

Keith buried his head into Shiro’s shoulder. “It...right in front of me...I couldn’t stop it!” Tears were falling now. Shiro could feel a slight dampness on his shoulder.

“Maybe we should get the full story back on the ship?” Coran suggested from behind them. He’d found the key, with Pidge’s help, and had already let the other three go. Shiro nodded and stepped back so that Coran could free Keith.

Keith let his arms fall apart to hang limply at his side. He didn't know if he could stand. He didn't know if he could move. Now that he'd said it out loud, it felt like a dead weight in his chest.

Lance is dead.

Lance is dead.

Lance is dead.

It went off like a mantra in his head. Like maybe if he kept repeating it, it would lose all meaning. Maybe if he kept repeating it, it would stop being real.

Lance is dead. 

He came back to reality when Shiro lifted him up off the ship floor and acted like he meant to carry his friend. "No," Keith said, pushing him away. "I can walk." Shiro looked at him like he didn't quite believe him. To prove that he could, Keith took a few shaky steps towards the door.

The ship they were in had landed just outside the city. The Castle of Lions was resting not far from it. Coran must have set it down so that he and Shiro could look for everyone. They all made their way towards it. Coran took point, leading everyone into the castle and up into the lounge area. He had so many things he wanted to ask but bringing them up here would only halt progression into the castle, and despite the fact that there seemed to be no more Galra around, he would feel better if they were inside. Better if they were off the planet, but that didn't seem to be happening any time soon. Allura was too shaken up. Only when everyone was seated on the couch, a chair, or the floor, did he start asking questions.

"What happened?" He asked slowly. He and Shiro were sitting in chairs, facing the others. Allura, Hunk, and Keith had been forced onto the couch. Pidge sat on the floor in front of them, leaning against Hunk's leg.

For a moment, no one spoke. Then Allura said, "I heard Lance call out that he had found something. I tried to call him, or anyone, but something had knocked out communications. I was running around Blue, trying to figure out what had happened, when one of Lotor's generals, Acxa, appeared right behind me. I have no idea how she got in, but we fought for a minute and she overpowered me." Allura hung her head. "It appears I need to work on my fighting skills."

Coran stepped over and rested a hand on her shoulder. "There is nothing to be ashamed of, Princess," he said. "You were taken by surprise. There was nothing else you could have done."

Allura nodded and swallowed before continuing her story. "I next woke up in a cell. I don't know how long I was there, but it seemed like forever before someone came and took me to a large room. Lotor was sitting in a chair on one side, his generals around him. I was chained to a post on the other side. Keith and Hunk were already there, and Pidge was brought in soon after. Then..." She paused, gathered herself together, and pressed on, determined. She didn't think the others would be able to make it through this part. She was barely going to be able to make it through herself. "Then they brought Lance in, but kept him on the other side of the room, too far away for us to talk to him or really see him. Lotor gave him an ultimatum - shoot one of us, and everyone else would go free. Refuse, and we would all be killed while he watched, before he was also killed. And Lance...Lance shot himself.”

Shiro hung his head. His hands were clenched so tightly that the nails of his human hand were digging into his skin, but he didn’t care. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he'd said other things, made other speeches, but right now all he could remember was every time that he had told Lance that he didn't take his duty seriously, that they weren't there to have fun and crack jokes. All he could think of was every time he had told Lance he wasn't good enough for this team. Not in so many words, but in gestures. In not congratulating him when he actually did something right. In not listening to his ideas. And yes, even in not laughing at his jokes. Lance had just been trying to lighten the mood, get everyone to forget the stress for a moment before it had overwhelmed them.

Coran came over and laid a hand on Shiro's shoulder, bringing him back into the present. Pidge looked like she was getting ready to speak, so he turned his attention to her.

"I didn't even know until now that an EMP had gone off," she admitted, twisting her hands together in her lap. "A ship rammed into me, knocking my helmet off. Green hit the ground and my head hit the back of my chair. The next thing I knew, I was being thrown into a cell in a Galra ship by that creepy general of Lotor's, Narti. I stayed there until I was taken to the room with...the others."

"I saw some Galra dragging some civilians towards a ship. They were struggling but weren't able to get free," Hunk started after Pidge finished her part of the story. He put a large hand on her shoulder. She was shaking, although he couldn't tell with what without seeing her face. Fear? Anger? Sadness? He continued, "I could tell that Yellow was going to be too big to go down there, so I landed her nearby and ran over. I was almost to them when Zethrid came up behind me. She trapped me against a nearby building with her hands around my throat." He put his hands up to the spot reflexively and flinched. There were bruises there, tender ones. "She kept me there until I passed out." He sighed. “Like the others said, I woke up in a cell on a Galra ship. After waiting a while they took me to the room.”

Shiro and Coran listened to the two stories intently. It made sense. Lure them in, separate them, then knock them out so they wouldn't struggle. Shiro turned to Keith. "Keith?" He said, tentatively. Keith had been staring at the floor between his feet with a grim determination. When he looked up at the sound of his name, Shiro could see the tears he was trying desperately to fight back.

"I was on the ground, outside my lion, when the EMP went off," he started slowly. "I'd seen a small patrol of four Galra and was going to go take them out. As soon as I got close, Lotor stepped out from around the corner with another ten Galra. I tried to get back to Black, but by then the EMP had gone off and she couldn't open up for me. I tried to fight but it there were too many of them." His voice was speeding up as he talked, trying to get all the words out before he really did start crying. "They overpowered and captured me. The rest you can guess," he said, looking at each of his companions.

Shiro looked at the team. They looked so hopeless. And he had no words to say, nothing comforting or inspiring. He couldn’t make them feel better. “You all need some rest,” he said finally. All four of them started to protest but he held up his hand. “You’re dead on your feet. We’ll talk options in the morning.” He looked each of them in the eyes, making it clear that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“I am at least going to move the castle,” Allura said. “I do not trust that Lotor will leave us alone now that we are away and his promise is fulfilled.”

Shiro sighed. “Can’t that wait?”

Coran stepped up. He put a hand on Allura’s shoulder. “It can wait a few hours,” he said as he steered her away. “I'll wake you up once you've had some sleep and we'll move it then.”

They all trudged off, begrudgingly, to their own rooms. Keith had gone back to his room and had just sat down to clean and sharpen his blade, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to sleep, when there was a soft knock at his door. He got up and opened it to find Pidge standing in the hallway, her laptop under her arm and Rover trailing behind.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, letting her in. In truth, he was relieved. He didn’t really want to be alone right now.

“I need your help,” she said, helping herself to a spot at the end of his bed.

Keith looked at her, startled. “Why me?” He and Pidge were friends, of course, but he wasn’t as close to her as Hunk was, or even Lance.

“Because you didn’t give up on Shiro,” she answered simply, opening up her laptop and beginning to type furiously.

“What does that have to do with-” He cut himself off. He knew.

“I’m not giving up on Lance,” she said. “I know everyone else is going to tell me that it’ll be better if I just accept that he’s gone, but you...you might not. You searched for Shiro for a year. If anyone understands how I feel, it’s you.”

Keith sat down next to her. “We saw him die,” he said automatically.

“We saw him fall,” Pidge corrected him. “We were pulled away before we could go see if he was actually dead. And until I know for absolute certain that he’s dead, I’m going to search for him on every Galra ship in the galaxy if I have to.”

Keith looked at her face and the determination in her eyes and nodded. “Alright, where do we start?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Pidge get to searching. The team has a fight. Some tough decisions are made. Lots of angst happens. Good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumps around a lot time-wise. There was a lot of time that needed to pass and some important things that needed to happen but didn't need their own chapter necessarily, so they all ended up here.

Keith sat cross-legged on the floor, looking up at the galactic maps that he and Pidge had put up all over her room. Every open inch of her walls, ceiling, and door had been covered. Pidge had also worked up a more mobile version of the bridge’s hologram map, but they needed a more specific location before they could use it. It sat, unused, in the middle of the floor.

“Still nothing,” he mumbled. The charts were still crisp and new-looking. No sightings marked with push pins, connected by yarn. No giant circles marking areas to check more closely.

Pidge looked up from the datapad that he had been skimming and blinked slowly at him. She took a moment to process his words then just shrugged. “It’s only been a couple weeks,” she said as she leaned back into the wall and rubbed her eyes. “There’s a lot of galaxy and word can only travel so fast.”

Keith sighed and leaned into a bedpost, grabbing a water bottle and chugging it. “Who knows what they’ve done to him in two weeks?” He said softly, wiping a drop of water from his chin. They had this discussion each day.

Pidge handed him a datapad filled with information. “So we look harder.” It was what kept them going when it seemed like nothing was ever going to appear.

With a small smile, Keith took the datapad and settled in to keep looking.

Lance had to be out there, somewhere.

. . . . .

Another two weeks passed. Every day, after they were done with training or a mission, Pidge and Keith would steal away to search through any and all information that Pidge could find.

Keith was headed there when Hunk, who he had just been training with, jogged up to walk beside him. “Are you and Pidge dating?” He asked as he fell in step with Keith.

Keith stopped. “What?”

“Are you guys dating?” Hunk repeated, moving to face him.

_Keith and Pidge sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G,_ a suspiciously Lance-sounding voice said in the back of his mind. He shook his head.

“I...I...” Keith stuttered. “What makes you think that?”

Hunk crossed his arms. “Um, you’re always together? Like, all the time. In Pidge’s room. With the door closed.”

“What? No.” Keith stepped around Hunk and started walking again. Hunk moved to walk beside him again. “We’re just...working on something.”

“Just something?” Hunk pressed.

Keith sighed. “It might be nothing,” he admitted as they reached Pidge’s door. “If it turns out to actually be something, I promise we’ll let you all know.” He opened the door just enough to get through and stepped in quickly so that Hunk wouldn’t be able to see the star charts. He and Pidge had decided to wait to tell the others until they had more to go on than a gut feeling and a serious case of denial. They needed something concrete to convince the rest of the team.

The others wouldn’t understand. Not yet.

_Looks like Keith’s gone back into conspiracy theory mode. What did they do this time, fake the moon landing?_ The Lance-like voice said in his mind. He ignored it.

. . . . .

Hunk stared at the closed door in front of him. “What are you two doing with that map?” He mumbled. He’d only caught a glimpse, but it had definitely looked like a galaxy map.

The way they were acting was bugging him. He knew they could both be obsessive: Pidge with her tech and finding her brother and father, Keith with finding Shiro and tracking Blue’s signal. But whatever they were looking for or doing, it was wearing on them. He could see how tired they always were, how little they ate, how fast they disappeared as soon as they weren’t needed.

It was time for an intervention.

He was going to need help.

. . . . .

The next day, while he and Pidge were working, there was a knock on the door. The two froze, looking at each other. They weren’t ready. No one else could see in this room. They would be called crazy, obsessive. They wouldn’t be...wrong, necessarily. Pidge and Keith knew how slim the chance was they were working with. But having someone watch over them would make it harder to work.

Pidge nodded once and then stood up, handing her datapad to Keith. Then she walked over to the door and opened it, just a little. “Allura? Coran? Shiro? Hunk? What are you all doing here?”

Shiro answered but Keith couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“You don’t want to come in here,” Pidge answered, her grip on the door tightening. “It’s a mess.”

Hunk said something this time and the door was forced open. There was a collective gasp from the four on the other side. Pidge slumped and stepped back. The damage was done.

“I caught a glimpse of a map when Keith went in yesterday, but this?” Hunk said, shaking his head. “What’s gotten into you guys?”

Shiro stepped into the room, eyes on Keith, who was looking at the floor. “They’re looking for Lance,” he said simply.

“Lance?” Allura asked, also stepping into the room. “But Lance is...”

“Dead,” Hunk finished for her, his voice flat.

“You can’t prove that,” Pidge retorted, her voice rising.

“We all watched him die!” Hunk shouted. “You were both there. You watched it happen.”

“Hunk?” Shiro said, stepping towards him with his hands up.

But Hunk was on a roll. “Lance is gone. For good,” he said. “It’s time you accept that.” He reached up to the nearest map and tore it off the wall.

“No!” Pidge and Keith both shouted as Hunk moved on to the next star chart. Keith jumped up but Shiro stepped over and grabbed him. Allura and Coran moved to catch Pidge’s arms.

“It’s for the best,” Shiro grunted against Keith’s struggles.

“Stop!” Keith begged over Shiro’s shoulder. “We can find him! We just need more time.”

Hunk ignored him and continued around the room until all the charts were down. Then he rolled them up and walked out of the room with them. Just before he crossed the threshold, he said over his shoulder, “I’m sorry, but you’ll thank me later.” Then he was gone.

Once the door was shut, Keith and pidge were released.

Pidge sank to the floor. “Get out,” she said softly. Then, screaming it, “Get out!”

Shiro, Coran, and Allura all moved to leave with murmured apologies and sad eyes. Pidge didn’t want any of it. Her eyes were filling with tears and she just wanted to cry in peace. Keith also started to leave, but Pidge grabbed his hand.

“Pidge,” Keith started to say, but when he looked down at the tears streaming down her face, he stopped and sat down next to her so that they were both leaning against the wall. He let her cry into his shoulder while, her heavy ugly sobs mingling with his soft sniffles.

The room looked so empty without the charts.

The room looked like their hope.

Hunk had torn them both down.

. . . . .

Hunk took a deep breath and opened the door. The rest of the team, plus Shiro and Coran, were sitting on the other side of their lounge/meeting room.

He poked his head into the room. “Pidge? Keith? Can I...talk to you? For a second?”

Keith stopped mid-exercise, leg kicked out. Pidge looked up from her laptop. For a moment, he thought they were going to refuse. But then Keith started walking over and Pidge got up soon after. Hunk breathed a sigh of relief and stepped back into the hall to wait for them.

While he waited, he went though his speech again. He’d practiced it in the mirror and on the way over. He’d had a lot of time to think over the past few days he had just...lost control of his emotions. The combination of his grief over Lance, his worry for his other friends, fear for their safety...it had all been too much.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize that Keith and Pidge had both come into the hall and were staring at him.

He’d said he wanted to talk. They were waiting for him to say something. Before he could second guess himself, he opened his mouth and let the words he’d practiced fall from his lips like a rushing waterfall.

“So I know you guys are angry and I get it. I do. I’d be angry at me too if I came in and messed up stuff that I had been working on for a month for no reason. I’m sorry for that. I’m really, really sorry. I was just worried for you guys and worried for the team and sad and afraid and I just wanted to help you move on but I did it in a really terrible way and I’m so, so sorry.”

He heaved in a huge gust of air to make up for the fact that he hadn’t breathed at all since he started talking. Okay, so the words got away from him at the end there and he had definitely gone faster than in his practices but at least it was out there in the open.

Hanging.

Still hanging.

Neither Keith nor Pidge had said anything yet. They were just looking at him. Hunk prided himself on being pretty good at reading faces, but both of theirs seemed blank right now.

Finally, Keith shrugged. “I forgive you, buddy. You were just looking out for us.”

Some of the stress that had been hanging over him for days finally lifted. He gave Keith a wavering smile and then turned to Pidge, his eyes hopeful and waiting.

She gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes, then shook her head with a chuckle. “Like I could say no to puppy dog eyes that desperate.”

Hunk’s smile turned into a full-on grin and he pulled the other two into a giant hug. “Thanks guys! It means a lot to me.”

Keith patted Hunk’s shoulder awkwardly while Pidge tried to squirm away. “Hunk, I love you, but you gotta put us down,” she said. “You’re going to crush me.”

“Oh, right.” Hunk set them down and took a step back. “You guys...wanna go get some food goo?”

“Sure, man,” Keith said, walking by and patting him on the back. Hunk turned to follow after them.

“Wait!” Pidge called, running to catch up. “Since you’re sorry, can I get my maps back?”

. . . . .

A month later, the team sat in the lounge where Allura had gathered them all.

“I was the one who said this last time, so I will say it again,” Allura started. She took a deep breath. “It’s time to start thinking about finding a new pilot for the red lion.” She hated saying it, hated to be the one again, but someone had to. “We’ve gotten along alright with four lions, but we’ve also been playing it pretty safe to give us time to grieve.” She met eyes with each of her fellow paladins and Shiro. In Keith, she saw anger. In Hunk, sadness. In Pidge, loneliness. And in Shiro, guilt. She herself had felt lost, like all of the life had gone out of her, out of them all.

None of them had realized just how much strength Lance had given them until it was too late. He may not have been the strongest or the smartest, or the best fighter, but he had been the heart of the team. Without his terrible jokes and poor attempts at flirting, they were finding it harder to pull away from the crushing reality of the task they had undertaken.

They were six people trying to take on an entire empire.

They had been seven. None of them could have known how big of a distance there was between the two numbers.

Keith opened his mouth to argue, but before he could, the castle went into alarm. Instead, he looked at Coran, who was already running to nearest console. “What is it?”

“It’s a distress signal,” Coran said as he pushed buttons frantically, eyes glued to the screen. “A nearby planet it being attacked by the Galra, two fleets it looks like. It’s a strategic point for both sides, recently liberated by us.” It was the biggest fight they’d had to go into in two months.

Keith still wanted to argue. Wanted to scream and kick and act like a spoiled child. Replacing Lance would be like finally admitting that he was gone for good. Even though he had been forbidden to search, he still hadn’t let go.

Now wasn’t the time for tantrums.

Maybe now was the time to, finally let go.

He wasn’t a good leader. He had gotten Lance killed. He had made too many rash decisions, picked too many battles that he couldn’t win.  
One thing kept haunting Keith. One sentence.

_This feels like a trap, and we probably shouldn’t get separated._

If only he had listened. This. This was why he shouldn’t be a leader. 

He looked over at Shiro. “Shiro...” he started slowly but Shiro shook his head.

“I know what you’re thinking, but no,” Shiro said in answer to the unspoken question. He walked over to Keith and put his hand on his shoulder. “You’re the leader of Voltron now. So go lead. We’ll solve the problem of the red lion later.

Keith nodded. “Let’s go guys,” he said. He, Pidge, Hunk, and Allura bolted off towards their hangars.

As they left, Shiro felt the air shift around him. His vision was tinted red. A force, familiar but different, beckoned him forward.

He was being called.

“Coran, provide support with the castle,” he said over his shoulder as he ran for the door.

“Where are you going Number One?” Coran called after him, but he was already racing down the hall.

He made his way as fast as he could towards the hangar bay for the red lion. He didn’t know if this was going to work. He didn’t have the fire and instinct that Keith had and that Lance’d had. But something was calling him to the hangar. It had to be Red.

He only stopped sprinting when he stood face-to-face with Red. The lion bent its head and opened its mouth so that he could enter. “Thank you,” he whispered as he ran up to the cockpit.

They rushed out of the hangar bay and sped to catch up with the others. It was easy. Red was incredibly quick. He wondered how Lance could have had any brain power to spend on jokes while piloting her.

When they got closer, he called to the team on his intercom. “Coming in behind you,” he said.

“Shiro?” Hunk sounded incredulous. “And Red?”

“You bonded with the red lion,” Allura said, obviously impressed. “How?”

_By being ridiculously awesome, like her previous paladin,_ the Lance voice chimed in. _He’s certainly cooler than her first paladin._

“Like Lance,” Keith answered quietly. “Lance became the red paladin, the right hand, when he accepted me as leader.”

“I know I can never replace Lance,” Shiro said as he took his place in the flying formation, “But I’ll support you, Keith, in any way I can.”

Keith closed his eyes and let out a long, slow breath. Let go. “Alright,” He said finally. “Let’s form Voltron and drive off those Galra.”

. . . . .

Allura stood at the main console, the Paladins and Coran around her. She had been staring at their Galra map - which was as up to date as Pidge could make it - for an hour. Coran and Shiro still seemed to be focused on their search, but Hunk had taken a nap and was now eating some food goo, Keith had started going through some weapons exercises, and Pidge was glued to her laptop with her headphones on, although one was pushed back so she could still hear out of one ear.

“It’s been almost five months since the last Galra attack,” Shiro said, worried. “Where are they?”

“Shouldn’t we be, you know, happy that that the Galra don’t seem to be attacking?” Hunk said through a mouth of green.

Shiro sighed. “If it was because we had defeated them, then yes. But this...this just makes me nervous. It feels like they’re preparing for something big.”

“Guys, you need to see this,” Pidge said, pulling her headphones off completely so that they hung around her neck.

Keith stopped mid-swing with his knife. “What’s up?” He asked, coming to stand behind her.

Pidge used her laptop to pull a map up on the main screen. “I was scanning for Galra transmissions in the Cairilia System when I came across a distress call.”

“What were you looking for all the way out there?” Coran asked. “Why, that’s almost twenty galaxies away!”

“That’s not important,” Pidge said quickly. “What’s important is what it said.” She typed something on her keyboard and an audio message played through the screen.

“Our leader is dead,” the voice said. “Assassinated by the Galra. Please, send help. We are under attack!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was surprisingly painful to write the scene where Hunk tears down the maps. You can thank my beta, DreamersEclipse for suggesting that one. She has so many good ideas to help me cause you pain. And her. And myself.
> 
> Also, speaking of Betas, I'm looking for a second beta. Someone who doesn't know anything about the eventual plot. So if you want chapters early and can give good criticism, let me know!


	6. Chapter 5.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a scene that should have been in the last chapter but I forgot like a fukkin idiot. Also, something to tide you guys over until the next chapter actually comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, this is not the next full chapter but hey, bear with me. I'll explain.
> 
> I realized between posting the last chapter and starting to write the next one that an important scene was missing. I'm going to edit the last chapter and put this in where it belongs, but I'm also going to post it here for those who already read chapter 5. It goes between the intervention scene and the rearranging of Voltron.
> 
> If you already read it there, great! You can skip this and go straight to chapter 6. Pass go, collect your $200. If not, you can read it here, now, so you can be all caught up.
> 
> The next chapter should be up...soon.

Hunk took a deep breath and opened the door. The rest of the team, plus Shiro and Coran, were sitting on the other side of their lounge/meeting room.

He poked his head into the room. “Pidge? Keith? Can I...talk to you? For a second?”

Keith stopped mid-exercise, leg kicked out. Pidge looked up from her laptop. For a moment, he thought they were going to refuse. But then Keith started walking over and Pidge got up soon after. Hunk breathed a sigh of relief and stepped back into the hall to wait for them.

While he waited, he went though his speech again. He’d practiced it in the mirror and on the way over. He’d had a lot of time to think over the past few days he had just...lost control of his emotions. The combination of his grief over Lance, his worry for his other friends, fear for their safety...it had all been too much.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize that Keith and Pidge had both come into the hall and were staring at him.

He’d said he wanted to talk. They were waiting for him to say something. Before he could second guess himself, he opened his mouth and let the words he’d practiced fall from his lips like a rushing waterfall.

“So I know you guys are angry and I get it. I do. I’d be angry at me too if I came in and messed up stuff that I had been working on for a month for no reason. I’m sorry for that. I’m really, really sorry. I was just worried for you guys and worried for the team and sad and afraid and I just wanted to help you move on but I did it in a really terrible way and I’m so, so sorry.”

He heaved in a huge gust of air to make up for the fact that he hadn’t breathed at all since he started talking. Okay, so the words got away from him at the end there and he had definitely gone faster than in his practices but at least it was out there in the open.

Hanging.

Still hanging.

Neither Keith nor Pidge had said anything yet. They were just looking at him. Hunk prided himself on being pretty good at reading faces, but both of theirs seemed blank right now.

Finally, Keith shrugged. “I forgive you, buddy. You were just looking out for us.”

Some of the stress that had been hanging over him for days finally lifted. He gave Keith a wavering smile and then turned to Pidge, his eyes hopeful and waiting.

She gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes, then shook her head with a chuckle. “Like I could say no to puppy dog eyes that desperate.”

Hunk’s smile turned into a full-on grin and he pulled the other two into a giant hug. “Thanks guys! It means a lot to me.”

Keith patted Hunk’s shoulder awkwardly while Pidge tried to squirm away. “Hunk, I love you, but you gotta put us down,” she said. “You’re going to crush me.”

“Oh, right.” Hunk set them down and took a step back. “You guys...wanna go get some food goo?”

“Sure, man,” Keith said, walking by and patting him on the back. Hunk turned to follow after them.

“Wait!” Pidge called, running to catch up. “Since you’re sorry, can I get my maps back?”


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Galra have a new weapon. Voltron responds. Something's not right.

“Our leader is dead,” the voice said. “Assassinated by the Galra. Please, send help. We are under attack!”

Pidge shut the message off. “It just keeps repeating that.”

“Since when do the Galra send assassins?” Hunk asked. “Don’t they usually just, like, attack?”

“They do tend to prefer brute force,” Allura agreed.

“We should go help them,” Keith said, desperate for something to do that wasn’t just waiting for the Galra to decide to attack someone. “Allura, can you jump us closer?” She nodded. “Okay, everyone else, suit up. Allura, join us when you can.”

Allura stepped up to the controls as everyone else ran to get ready. They blasted out of the wormhole as close to the planet as they could get. There was only one fleet attacking but it was still more than a little farming planet could handle.

“Everyone out,” Keith ordered from his hangar. “Let’s form Voltron and try to get this over with quickly.”

The team sped out of their hangars and into formation but before they could even finish linking together, the Galra ships broke off the attack and disappeared through portals of their own.

“Uh, guys? What was that?” Hunk asked through their radios.

In Keith’s head, Lance’s voice said, _It seems our reputation has preceded us._ Keith rolled his eyes. This was starting to get ridiculous. He hit some buttons on his console and addressed the planet. “Eophus, can you hear me? This is Keith, a paladin of Voltron.”

“Voltron?” A voice crackled through their radios. “You must be what drove the Galra away. Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Keith fidgeted in his seat. They didn’t really do anything other than show up, so he felt uncomfortable accepting the praise.

“We’re going to land to see if you need any help,” he said. Maybe they could at least help with cleanup or getting people to medical attention. Something to make him feel like he actually helped on this mission.

Voltron landed to cheers and applause. Nothing like a battleship-sized robot to inspire people and give them hope.

"Let's split up our lions and go see what happened," Keith said over their private channel.

They split up into their separate lions and landed them in a loose version of their regular formation. Keith exited his lion first, followed by the others, and they all walked up together towards the crowd that was gathering around them.

 _C’mon Keith. Smile for the crowd._ Keith sighed internally and managed a small smile. Stupid Lance.

One of the aliens, a rabbit-like race with bright colored fur in different mottled patterns, ran up to them and took Keith's hand, shaking it violently in both of theirs. "You must be the Paladins of Voltron!" They said excitedly, practically bouncing up and down with each shake. “We are Eophan.” Keith pulled his hand away. He didn't want to be rude, but the hyper energy of this little alien was a little overwhelming for him.

"Yes," he said slowly. It hadn't really been a question, but he felt the need to answer anyways. He should probably say something. Shiro would probably have made a speech, something inspiring. He looked to his right, where Shiro was standing, his helmet held under his arm. Keith followed suit, taking off his own helmet and tucking it at his side. Not for the first time or probably the last he wished that Shiro had taken his offer and gone back to being the leader. Keith felt like he was floundering.

He turned back to the crowd in front of him to the crowd of aliens who were watching him. Waiting.

He needed to say something, anything.

"Um," he cleared his throat. "We are the Paladins of Voltron. We heard your distress signal and came to see what we could do to help." His voice sounded small and hollow in the silence. He cleared his throat again and tried to speak a little louder, make his voice carry like Shiro's could. "I need to speak to someone in charge. I know that your leader was...killed, so is there someone who was his second-in-command or someone else with authority." Okay. A little awkward, but okay.

The Eophans seemed to talk amongst themselves for a moment in whispered voices and then and E-whatever from somewhere in the middle of the crowd was pushed forwards to stand in front of them. They seemed older than the other aliens Keith could see. Their fur had fallen out in patches and when they walked they hunched over a little.

"I am Kurkby. Zyprit did not have a 'second-in-command' as that one called it. We have one mind, so we all rule and do not rule. Zyprit was the oldest and carried with them the knowledge of the past. Now this one is oldest. The knowledge of ages has been passed to this one. Voltron may speak to this one. All will hear and all will answer."

Keith immediately tried to think what living in a hive mind might be like and stopped immediately because it made his head hurt.

Pidge didn't seem to have that problem.

"You have a hive mind?" She asked, taking a couple steps forwards. "How does that work? Can you all hear each other's thoughts? Do you all have the same thoughts? Does it even work when you're sleeping? Do you sleep? How long-"

Keith put his hand out. "Later, Pidge." Pidge deflated a little but stepped back to where she had been standing before, just a step behind Keith and to his left.

Keith turned back to Kurkby and said, "Can you tell me what happened?"

Kurkby nodded. "We were in the middle of the annual Unification Ceremony to honor the ties that bind us all together and pray that the earth keeps them strong. Zyprit was leading us in this ceremony when a bolt struck him down. This one was with him in the city center, but others were further out in the city. One of them saw the assassin. They were lying on a rooftop many steps away, more than we would have thought possible. That one saw the assassin glow white-blue all over, like the inside of a flame. And their eyes. Their eyes glowed and then they fired and then the glow disappeared and the assassin jumped up and ran across the rooftops. Another saw him get into a ship and fly away. That was when the Paladins arrived, but Zyprit was already dead, shot directly between his eyes. This one saw him fall and tried to help but Zyprit was gone."

_The Galra gave a flashlight with a gun. What’s next?_

A sniper. Keith tried to think if he knew of any alien races that glowed blue, but he couldn't think of any. Allura or Coran would probably know better. He glanced over at Allura, making a note to ask her when they got back to the ship. She saw that he was looking and nodded. "Can you tell us anything else about the assassin? Anything at all?" Keith asked. "What he looked like? How he moved?"

The alien paused a moment, seeming to consult with the other aliens in the area. "They were taller than this Paladin, and about this Paladin’s shape. But they were all black except for the blue glow, so those ones could not see anything more details." The alien hung their head. "This one is sorry we cannot give you more information."

To Keith's relief, Shiro stepped forward at this point and put his hand on the Kurkby's shoulder. "You've done well," he said. "We have a lot more information than we started with. Thank you."

Kurkby smiled at him. "You are welcome, Paladin of Voltron. If that is all, we would like to go back to our ceremony so that we can make sure our bond is strong through this time of grief."

“I have one more question,” Keith said, remembering. “Why do you think the Galra attacked you?”

Kurkby shook their head. “We do not know. We are just farmers. Nothing of value. Is that all?”

Keith nodded. He didn’t like that at all. "Yes. Thank you." He looked over at Allura. "Can you make sure that they can get in touch with us in case something else happens?"

"I can give them an apparatus that's linked directly to the castle," she affirmed. "That way they can contact us directly if they ever need help again."

Kurkby bounced up and down, less vigorously than the first Eophan that they had met, but still with much enthusiasm. "Thank you, Paladins of Voltron. I will go now."

"Can we stay and watch?" Pidge asked.

"I don't know if that would be such a good idea..." Keith said slowly. He didn't want to intrude on anything sacred.

The alien didn't seem to mind though. "If you would like. I don't know what you will experience without being linked into the bond, but you are welcome to watch." I guess privacy wasn't as big an issue when you shared your thoughts with every other being on the planet.

Pidge turned to Keith with large, pleading eyes. He sighed. What had he ever done to deserve this? "Alright," he said finally. "You can watch. Allura, get them that communicator. We'll meet back on the ship's meeting room in three hours."

Keith went back to his lion and flew to the ship. He still felt awkward staying to watch, like a stranger at a funeral. Which he basically would have been. He decided that his time could be better used training. Shiro joined him on the ship and they trained together for a while, fighting off waves of enemies. After giving the Eophans a way to contact them, Allura also came back to the ship. She and Coran started going through other alien races in their database, looking for any humanoids that glowed. Pidge and Hunk stayed on the planet to watch the ceremony.

Three hours later, they were all back on the ship, spread out in the meeting room. Keith stood in front of everyone else, too restless to sit down. He didn't know why this assassin was bothering him so much. Something about it was just...off. He couldn’t pinpoint what.

_Isn’t it bad enough that he’s an assassin? That works for the Galra?_

“We need to figure out if this is the first planet this assassin has visited,” Keith said. “If the Galra have a new weapon, we need to know everything about it possible. Pidge?” He asked, turning to face her.

She was already typing on her laptop. “I’m scanning all transmissions as far as the castle can reach for any other sightings of a glowing humanoid assassin. I haven’t found anything yet. This seems to be the first time. I’m not even getting anything on other assassinations like this at all.” She looked up. “It looks like this is the first time out for this guy.”

Keith liked this new bit of news even less. Why was this assassin there? Was this just the first time they'd been seen? Where was he going next? They had no point of reference for them, so there was no way to predict their moves. "Alright. Can you keep an eye out for him?"

Pidge nodded. "I'm inputting a new algorithm into the system that will scan transmissions for anything about an assassin, glowing or not. That should give us a place to start at least."

That sounded better to Keith, but he was still on edge. Something still wasn't adding up. "Good. Let me know if you notice anything." It was on the tip of his tongue. Something not right. Something out of place.

Something like the fact that the assassin's first attack was on a planet where if even one of the natives saw them, the entire planet would know what they looked like.

He turned to Shiro. "If you were an assassin, you wouldn't want to be seen by anyone, right?"

"Right..." Shiro answered slowly, clearly unsure as to where this line of questioning was headed.

"Right. You'd want to be sneaky. In, out, done. No witnesses."

Hunk was the first one to pick up on where Keith was going. "So then why would the assassin let themselves get seen on a planet with a hive mind."

Shiro's eyes widened. "They weren't trying to make a stealth kill," he said. "They were making a statement. Sending a message.”

_Don’t mess with the Galra._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to try and address how everyone in the galaxy seems to speak English, but the show doesn't seem to think that's an important enough question so eh, fuck it.
> 
> I'm still looking for a second Beta, so if you want chapters early, email me at avengersfightasone@gmail.com.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team tries to learn more about the assassin and Keith might be going a little bit crazy...er.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Someone gets shot at the end. I don't go into tons of gory detail, so don't worry about that, but just so there's no surprises for anyone who might have a problem.

Keith ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Okay, Pidge, give me the numbers,” he said, resigned.

Pidge readjusted her glasses and then pulled up a galaxy map on the bridge. It was covered in little green dots. “There have been twenty-three attacks by the assassin in the past month. Unlike the first one, these have all been high-profile targets. High ranking politicians, nobles, military leaders. A lot of them from planets we’ve liberated or ones that have somehow stayed neutral. Also unlike the first attack, none of these have been accompanied by any Galra forces. However, they still don’t seem to care if they’re seen. There were sightings of them at seventeen of the twenty-three.”

“Which means we should have a better idea of what they look like,” Shiro added.

Pidge nodded and pulled up all the information she had collected from the different sites. “From what we’ve been able to gather from the different witnesses, they’re definitely humanoid. We don’t have exact measurements, of course, but they always seems to be wearing the same clothes. Black pants, shoes, and sleeveless shirt. Black hood, always up. And they wear a mask made out of some kind of black metal. It covers their entire face, so we have no way to really tell gender or race. The only really distinguishing thing is that they have a blue vein-like glow right before they take a shot that also makes their eyes glow.”

Keith sat heavily in his own chair. Twenty-three assassinations in a month. The assassin was making quick work of their alliance. They didn’t have a lot of support yet, and this was making it even harder. 

_Join the Coalition and get your leaders assassinated. Who wouldn’t want to take up that offer?_

Keith mentally pushed the Lance-voice away and turned back to Pidge. “Is there any way to predict where they’re going next?”

“Maybe?” Pidge answered. He glared at her. “What? It’s not like they’re going in a straight line. They’re jumping around. Hit and run. The closest we can get is...” Her voice trailed off as she typed on her laptop. The lights on the map changed, the green ones being joined by blue ones. “These are all the planets that we’ve saved from the Galra or were neutral that haven’t been hit yet.”

“That’s still a lot,” Shiro commented. He moved to stand in the map so he could see better. Keith joined him.

“I know,” Pidge said, anger tainting her voice. She sat back and huffed out. “These are the ones that are more...important, I guess? Based on amount of power, resources, or political influence.” Some of the blue dots changed to yellow. “It's still about fifty.”

“Then let’s go check those ones out,” Keith suggested, itching to do something.

“And do what?” Shiro asked.

“I don’t know!” Keith’s voice rose and he threw his hands up in the air. “See if they’ve seen anything out of the ordinary?”

_What, like your mullet?_

“There’s no way we could check more than three before the assassin strikes again,” Pidge interjected. “We’re not that lucky. We need more information.”

“If I may,” Coran piped up from where he’d been listening at the main console. “Perhaps we should contact the Blade of Marmora. They have more people and resources than we do and may have information that we do not.”

_Gorgeous man: 1. Mullethead: 0._

“Shut it,” Keith whispered. To the voice in his head. It seemed so real sometimes, like Lance was still there.

“What was that?” Shiro asked.

“N-nothing.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s a good idea, Coran. I’ll get into contact with the Blades, see if we can trade some info. Something this big, they have to be following it. Everyone else,” he said, turning around. “Pidge, you and Hunk see if there’s anything the two of you can come up with to narrow down the number of targets. Coran, you stay here on watch. Help Pidge if you can. Shiro, Allura, come with me?” They all nodded and dispersed.

 _You’re really getting the hang of this leadership thing, Mullet._ Keith shook his head. He wished he could believe that.

. . . . .

With Kolivan now on the screen, staring at him, Keith felt a little intimidated - more than he would admit. He was glad Allura and Shiro were there. Even just having them in the room made him feel better.

“I assume you wanted to speak with me about this new Galra assassin,” He started.

Keith nodded. “We were hoping you might have some information we didn’t. We’re trying to figure out where they’re going to strike next, but could only narrow it down so far. We were also hoping you might be able to help check the places we could find.”

Keith waited, holding his breath, for Kolivan to answer, worried that he would say no and they’d be back where they started. But, after a moment of thoughtful staring, he said, “I’ll send you the information we have, though it’s not as much as we would like. Send the locations you need checked and I’ll send my agents.” The screen clicked off.

Keith turned back to Shiro and Allura. “That was...easy.”

 _Too easy. Maybe he’s the assassin and he’s trying to cover up!_ Keith snorted. Wouldn’t that be a twist.

Shiro gave him an odd look. “This assassin is a threat to everyone,” he said with a shrug.

Keith still thought it was weird but decided not to push his luck. “Let’s get back to the others and see if we can come up with a plan.”

. . . . .

"So, what did they say?" Pidge asked as soon as the door opened to let the other three in.

"We got a little bit of new information, though not as much as we hoped," Keith responded. "But we still don't know a lot."

Shiro shot him a glance. "Here's what we do know," he started, pacing his way to the front of the room. "The assassin's name is Caeuleus Felis."

"That's a mouthful," Pidge muttered.

Shiro looked at her before continuing. "We still don't have any other specifics. Just that he's humanoid and glows blue. He's been going after high-profile, usually political, targets on free worlds that were once under Galra rule."

"Which we already knew," Keith pointed out.

"Yes," Shiro answered carefully. "But even though they didn't give us much in the way of new information, but they could still give us numbers. They are going to send agents to forty-eight of fifty planets. We're supposed to cover the other two."

Keith jumped in here. "I'll go to one with Pidge and Hunk," he said. "Shiro and Allura will check the other. Once one of the teams reports back, everyone else can go to their location." He looked around at his friends. "The goal is to capture the assassin if possible. If we let him go now, we may not get another chance. We'll be on the ground, out of our lions, so use stealth as much as possible."

_Fading into the night, moving through the shadows, we are Batmen...and women._

"Are you sure it's a good idea to be out of our lions when there's an assassin on the loose?" Hunk asked, a little bit of a shake in his voice. He'd done a lot of things that scared him since becoming a paladin, but that didn't stop him from being scared in the first place.

"We should be fine," Keith assured them. "Just slip into the crowd and don't do anything to draw attention to yourselves."

_Like I would have done. But hey, who could ignore looking at this beautiful face? It’s not my fault I’m so handsome._

Hunk still didn't look convinced, but he kept any further opinions to himself. Keith nodded. "Let’s go get in position then. Allura, Coran, get us as close as you can to splitting those last two planets. We can fly in on our lions from there."

Everyone nodded and stepped away to get ready to jump through the wormhole. Since they weren't necessarily needed for that, Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge left to get a head start into their hangars. Keith hung behind so that he could step in if something went wrong. He didn't know what he'd do, but at least he'd be there, which made him feel better.

The jump made, he and Allura also take off towards their lions, leaving Coran to pilot the ship in an emergency.

Keith, Pidge, and Hunk touch-landed in the capital city of Noscuovis. The race living there was a kind of amphibious humanoid species that three humans technically couldn't blend into easily. 

Hopefully that wouldn't matter.

Keith marched up the front steps of the capitol building. He didn’t like that he couldn’t be everywhere at once, personally seeing each of the potential attack sites, and it was making him nervous. He had no doubt that his teammates and the Blade of Marmora could handle themselves, but he wanted to be there when the assassin arrived. He wanted to see them for himself.

On their way up, locals watched them with wide eyes but said nothing. To be honest, it was freaking Keith out. At the top of the stairs, a well-dressed local was watching them. "Hello, visitors," he said. "I am Sossios Ozar."

Keith nodded. "Hello, Sossios. We are Paladins of Voltron. We're here to speak with your leader?"

The alien brightened. "Yes! We've been expecting you. Please, come this way." Sossios led them through a series of halls that Keith hoped there wouldn't be a test on later. Hunk had to keep stopping to pull Pidge along as she stopped to look at their light fixtures, things they were carrying, wall decorations...anything really. It was amazing that she could still be so fascinated by literally everything after all that they'd already seen.

Sossios took them to an office-looking room with some chairs and flat surfaces that were probably meant to be tables but were only a foot or so off the ground. Another alien sat on the floor behind one, watching them enter. Sossios walked over to the new alien and crouched down to whisper in their ear.

"Paladins of Voltron!" The alien said, jumping up. "Well, why didn't you say so sooner?" They rushed over and took one of Pidge's hands in both of theirs. "Hello! Welcome! We received Princess Allura's message that you would like to be present for my speech, yes?"

So this was Lahika Khar. She was the local...president would probably be the closest word in English. She was an elected head of the Noscuovians. Today was her annual speech detailing what changes had been made in the past year, what changes she wanted to make in the coming year, and just some interesting political highlights. In all honesty, Keith knew he was going to be bored. Sure, he had paid decently close attention to politics back on Earth, but on his own time and with plenty of breaks. He'd never just sat down to watch the State-of-the-Union address or anything.

Since his thoughts were still going, he didn't realize that he hadn't actually answered her yet. Hunk cleared his throat. "Yes, ma'am. We'd like to be there as, well as bodyguards I guess. We're worried that a Galra assassin is planning on an attack on you."

Khar waved her hand dismissively. "I doubt the Galra would be interested in our little planet, even if you did free us from their control. We don't really have a lot to offer as anything more than a place to refuel. We don't have any precious resources or particular talents."

_Hey, kinda like me._

_No,_ Keith responded. _Not like you at all._ He hadn't realized in the beginning just how big of a hole Lance would leave, but he sure knew now. His brain was trying to fill in the gaps and was doing a pretty good job of annoying him like real-life Lance would have.

He also hadn’t realized how self-deprecating his friend had been. It was too easy for his brain to come up with those kinds of statements in his voice.

"We'd still like to be here, just in case," Keith said, finally getting a hold of himself so he could buck it up and act like the leader everyone seemed to think he actually was.

Khar shrugged. "As you wish. It's an important event here, and having a few Paladins hanging around me would do wonders for my next campaign." Keith sighed internally. It didn't seem to matter where in the universe he was - politicians were still politicians.

Sossios ushered them out of the room. Khar would want time to go over her speech one more time, make sure it was perfect. Keith didn't mind. This would give them a chance to check out the area, see what they could do to make it more secure.

The answer was "not much." Everything was set up on the stairs themselves, facing towards a large empty square that was already mostly full of Noscuovians, ready and waiting for their leader to appear. Everything was so mind-numbingly open. If the assassin did pick this day and location, he'd have an easy time of it and Keith wasn't sure they'd be able to stop him.

"So what's the plan, captain?" Hunk asked as they walked slowly around the stage.

Keith sighed. "There's too much area for us to split up and try to hide in the crowd." That had been the original plan. They hadn't wanted to bring too much attention to themselves. "I think the best bet would be for us to be on stage. It's in the middle of a big, open area, so even though the assassin will have an easier shot, we'll also be able to see everything around us. Keep an eye out for the blue glow. Hopefully that will give us enough of a warning."

He didn't really believe that. He was starting to doubt that they'd be able to do any good here. But he had to at least try.

Pidge nodded. "I'll see if I can set up some cameras or motion sensors, whatever these guys have that I can rig up. Maybe we can get him ahead of time." Keith nodded and she ran over to Sossios, who was still waiting for them at the edge of the stage, presumably to ask about what tech they had on hand.

"Hunk, you and I will stay on stage," Keith said.

Hunk's eyes widened slightly but he recovered quickly. "Well, if I'm going to be a bodyguard, I'm going to need a snack first. Hey, Sossios!" He called, following after Pidge. "Where's the kitchen?"

Keith shook his head with a small smile. Things felt almost normal for a second. Then he looked back to the stage and remembered the job at hand. It sobered him up

Aw, come on. Try to have a little fun without me. I know I'm the life of the party, but ya gotta work with me here.

Keith went for a walk around the perimeter of the square, trying to see if he could find the most likely vantage point. There were a lot of tall buildings around. It wouldn't be hard for someone who was a good shot to make it from just about any of them. At least he could rule out the ones behind the stage fairly confidently. The stage had a tall back and the aliens were pretty short. So that only left...six other possibilities. And only three paladins. He could ask Sossios or Khar if they could put some guards up on those rooftops, but he was worried. If this guy was as dangerous as he seemed, whoever got put on the roof he was using was basically given a death sentence. No, Keith would just have to hope that one of them saw the assassin in time to push Khar out of the way.

_Always a hero, never a bride._

Keith just flapped his hand at the voice absently and started walking back inside to wait for Khar.

. . . . .

"Welcome, friends and citizens," Khar began, her arms open to her waiting audience. Keith and Hunk stood to either side of her, just a little ways back. Pidge was inside, monitoring the cameras she'd set up earlier. "This has been a very good year for us. Crime is down by fourteen percent and the new irrigation system is steadily increasing our food output. It may have been a rocky start, with that fire at the beginning, but we persevered and rose from the ashes. And our next year will be even better! I have plans to..."

Keith let her voice fade into the background as he scanned the crowd and the rooftops in front of him, looking for anything out of the ordinary. A flash of movement going the wrong direction. A glow of blue. A red dot, maybe? He glanced quickly at Khar. Maybe he should look over every once in awhile, just in case. He turned back to the crowd. He was trying not to act in a way that would make the crowd nervous - none of them had any idea something might be off and he wanted to keep it that way. Mass panic would help no one.

Except maybe the assassin.

Keith's eyes were dry from staring and he had to force himself to blink a few times. He was turning his head to look at Khar again when something blue flashed in the corner of his eyes. He looked again.

There was definitely something on that rooftop, just to his right.

And it was glowing blue.

"Khar, look out!" Keith shouted, his body instinctively diving towards her. Everything slowed. His hand reached out and brushed her shoulder. A gunshot sounded in the distance. Something hit him in the chest, knocking him back into the stage.

The world around him sounded muffled and heavy, like trying to hear through a closed window.

His chest hurt.

He put his hand to the pain and pulled it away covered in red.

He let everything fade to black around him. At least Khar was safe. The assassin hadn't won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, somewhere along the line, this turned into the Angsty Keith show. Not part of my original plan but it seems to be working so whatever. Don't worry, your favorites will still get screen time, too. Keith is just the most interesting voice right now.
> 
> A quick note: So I'm doing NaNoWriMo right now, which - for anyone who somehow doesn't know - is where you try to write 50,000 words in a month. This takes up a lot of time. Good news, though, I've made this fic my NaNoWriMo story. Hopefully that means more chapters more quickly. However, I keep jumping ahead and writing the fun stuff, so we'll see if that plan actually works.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Allura find out about Keith getting shot, but there's a super secret awesome twist.

Shiro and Allura sat with Avdimi, the head religious leader on the planet they'd been assigned, Heiphus. The woman was kind and accommodating, and had served them tea.

"Avdimi, we hate to come to you like this," Allura began, "But we have reason to believe your life is in danger."

Avdimi nodded and sipped her tea. "You are talking about the Galra assassin. I read your missive, Princess, and I understand your concern. But I almost never appear in public, so it's hardly an immediate problem."

Shiro and Allura exchanged glances. This wasn't the reaction they'd been expecting.

"You are still a well-respected leader," Shiro continued, trying to convince the woman to at least realize the danger. "Are you saying there would be no opportunity for you to be targeted?"

Avdimi finished off her cup of tea and motioned for the acolyte standing nearby to pour her another one. "What I'm saying, Paladin of Voltron, is that the solution is simple. I will stay here in the temple and meditate until the assassin has been captured and the danger is past. There is no need for you to stay and protect me. The only reason I would leave would be to visit the house of someone who is sick, or wishes to be an acolyte, or needs some dispute resolved. None of those reasons need require me to leave. Those souls could just as easily be brought here."

Shiro sighed internally. He wanted to sigh externally but thought it would be rude. This woman, with her long neck and long fingers and bald head, made him want to sigh eternally. Instead, he said, "It would still make us feel more confident if someone was here with you, or if you at least had some way to contact us in an emergency."

"You may leave a way of contact, if you must," Avdimi said with a nod. "I do not think it's necessary, but if it would prevent you from disturbing my day any more, you may give the device to Gwenllian." She motioned to the acolyte still standing in the corner. "If there's nothing else."

There was a lot else that Shiro wanted to say but Allura stepped up first. "There is nothing else, Maitan Avdimi. If you will excuse us, I will go talk to Gwenllian about the communicator."

Avdimi nodded and closed her eyes. Allura and Shiro took that as a dismissal and backed away. Allura went to go talk to Gwenllian, pulling out the same communicator that they left at each planet they visited, while Shiro went for a walk around the temple.

He had to admit, it did seem pretty fortified. The only windows were almost at the ceiling and very small. The walls were solid rock and built into a mountainside, so it would be difficult to get in without someone noticing. He wasn't going to say impossible because that was just asking for trouble.

He had just turned to go back and find Allura when the radio in his helmet, which he had been carrying under his arm, crackled. He put it on.

"What is it?"

"Shiro? Thank goodness!" Coran said through the connection. He sounded frantic. "The other team just called in from Noscuovis. The assassin was there. Keith's been shot!"

Shiro felt all the color drain from his face.

"Shiro?" Coran sounded concerned now. 

"I'm still here," Shiro answered, shaking his head to clear it. “Is Keith alright? Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” Coran said after a moment's pause. “I flew the castle closer to the planet and met them halfway. We just got him into a cryopod to start healing. I won’t know the full extent of his injuries until the pod finishes its scan.”

Shiro wanted to ask more questions, but there wasn’t much he could do from here. "I'll go get Allura and we'll join you in our lions."

"Right. See you in a tick." The connection ended.

Shiro ran back through the temple. He had to stop once to ask for direction before bursting through the door.

"Shiro?" Allura asked as he stood there, breathing heavily. "What's wrong?"

"The assassin attacked the leader of Noscuovis and Keith was shot," he huffed out between gasps for air.

Allura's face shifted from concern to fear. "Then we must leave right away." She handed the communicator to Gwenllian. "Call us if there is ever any need." The acolyte bowed to her and she and Shiro ran for their lions.

The flew their lions as fast as they could towards the castle. It took them a little longer than the trip out had been since the castle had moved closer to Noscuovis.

They found everyone in the med bay, sitting around a healing pod. Pidge had pulled out a deck of Earth playing cards and was trying to teach Coran...rummy? Shiro hadn't played in so long it was hard for him to remember if that's what the hands should look like.

"Shiro! Allura! You're back!" Hunk said, getting up and running over to them. He pulled them both into a tight hug.

Shiro patted his shoulder. "Yep, we're here. How's Keith?"

"He'll be alright," Coran said, also standing. He lost a lot of blood, but the bullet hit him in the shoulder and missed all of his vital organs."

Shiro let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. Keith was like a brother to him. He didn't know what would happen if he lost him. "That's good," he said. He wanted to say something else, but he didn't know what. He just looked at Keith in the healing pod, watching him float gently.

Coran put a hand on Shiro's shoulder. "He'll be out before you know it. Just a few vargas, I'm sure." Shiro just nodded.

"Shiro," Pidge said from behind him, shifting his focus and forcing him to finally look away from Keith. "I've been looking at the data from the attack. Some locals found the rooftop where the assassin had been. I guess a couple of them saw the glow and went to investigate. He was gone before they could get there, of course." Shiro's face fell a little. He'd been hoping to capture the assassin. He would be on guard now, knowing they were tracking or following him somehow and would probably be more cautious.

"We'll get him next time," Shiro said confidently.

Pidge nodded. "I know. But that's not what I needed to talk to you about." She looked down at the screen of her laptop.

Shiro's face changed from encouraging to concerned. "What is it, Pidge?"

She took a deep breath and turned the screen around. On it was a recreation of the stage and the buildings around it. "So I thought it was weird that the bullet hit Keith, considering where he fell, so I knew something was up right away and I decided to make a simulation so I could see what had happened and that's when I found it."

Shiro put his hand on her arm. "Slow down, Pidge. What did you find?"

"The assassin wasn't aiming for Khar," Pidge said, tapping a couple keys so that the screen started playing the simulation. Shiro frowned, his eyes following the red line that that was the trajectory of the bullet.

He watched it streak across the screen.

He saw Keith move.

He saw that the red line was nowhere near Khar. This was a master sniper. He wouldn't miss like this.

Shiro's eyes widened. "He was aiming at Keith."

. . . . .

When Keith fell out of the healing pod a few hours later, Shiro was there to catch him. "What...what happened?" He asked, looking around the room. He was back on the ship, in the medbay. Shiro was there, as well as Hunk and Pidge, who were looking at her laptop intensely. "Last thing I remember is diving for Khar...Khar!" He called out with a jerk. "Is she alright? Did I get to her in time."

"Yes...and no," Pidge said.

Keith rolled his eyes. "Yes. Helpful." _Oh, go back in the pod so it can heal your attitude._

Pidge looked at him ruefully. "Give me a second to explain, thanks," she answered just as dryly. "Khar is fine. She's been moved inside to a safe location. Which probably wasn't really all that necessary because she wasn't the target. You were."

Keith shook his head. "Huh?"

Pidge turned her laptop around. On it was the square they'd just been in and a red trajectory line that went straight through the little digital him. So it had just hit him in the shoulder. That was...alright. It meant he hadn't been in too much danger of dying. "If you hadn't moved," she said as he looked, "the bullet would have hit you in the heart and we wouldn't have been able to save you."

_Your reckless heroism actually saved your life? Put that in the record books._

Keith snorted in his head. **It had to happen at some point. I can't be unlucky all the time.**

_I beg to differ._

Keith thought about throwing back another retort but couldn't think of a good one. Besides, Shiro had begun talking.

"I wanted to get everyone together and talk about it, once you were awake and if you were up to it," Shiro said. Keith nodded. He felt drained, but he could make it to a meeting, sure. "Then let's do that. I went and told Allura and Coran while you were still healing, but we need to figure out what to do next."

"Obviously the assassin is going to try again," Pidge said. "He's killed every target so far. I doubt he's going to let Keith go just because he got lucky."

"It's definitely a possibility," Shiro agreed.

Keith's stomach dropped. This was going to make him a liability to the team. He wouldn't really be able to get out of his lion to board ships or go down to planets, which was going to make leading difficult. See, this was why Shiro should have just taken over and he could have just gone back to Red. He didn't know when one giant robot lion had become more of a comfort zone than another giant robot lion, but he would rather be in Red, where he could just follow Shiro's plan...mostly...and speed around the battlefield.

Shiro put his hands on Keith's shoulders. "We're not going to let him get you, you know that, right?" Keith nodded, a little numbly. "Then let's go find Allura and Coran. I told them to meet us in the meeting room. They're probably there now. Pidge? Hunk?" He said over Keith's shoulder. "Let's go."

 _Even just in the way he calls people's names he sounds like a leader,_ internal Lance mused.

Keith agreed, but he still gave internal Lance a mental look of annoyance. **Didn't you accept me as leader or something?**

Internal Lance just hummed noncommittally.

If this turned into another "cradled you in my arms" joke that he was going to have to live through for months, he would scream.

Internally, of course. No need to make everyone else think he was going crazy. Although, to be fair, being shot at by a Galra assassin should give him at least one free pass on spontaneous screaming.

. . . . .

"The only thing I can think of doing is to keep Keith out of sight or in his lion as much as possible until we can capture the assassin," Shiro said once they were all together. "What do you think, Keith?"

Keith, who had been standing near a wall off to the side, slouched back against it. He had kind of been hoping Shiro would just take over, just for this one thing. Keith had no idea what to do. It's not like he had previous experience in avoiding assassins.

_That surprises me more than anything else you've said ever. I mean, you mean to tell me that not one person saw that smug mullet one too many times and sent someone after you?_

Keith wasn't even going to dignify that with a response. For just a second, he saw Lance's face in his mind, smirking at him like he'd won just 'cause Keith hadn't said anything.

"I guess that's all we can do for now," he said out loud. "But don't blame me if I get stir crazy."

Shiro laughed. "Like that one time when you got stuck in a cabin for three days because of a sandstorm?"

Keith snorted. "Don't remind me. You finally came by to see if I was alright, since I hadn't been seen for a few days and I was just laying face down in the middle of the floor."

"Can we recreate that?" Pidge said excitedly. "For science, of course. I could monitor the deterioration of your mind."

_She could do that for you now. I think you're already a bit off your rocker._

"I'm not going to let you experiment on me, Pidge," Keith replied, his voice tired. "It's going to be bad enough that there are going to be times when I have to send you guys off to fight without me. I don't also need to be poked and prodded."

Pidge pouted. Lance, with an almost matching expression seemed to hover indistinctly behind her. She didn't hold it for long, though, getting bored with just sitting there staring. She moved and the image was gone.

Keith yawned. Despite just getting out of cryo sleep, he still felt exhausted. He tried to cover it up but Shiro saw anyways. He sighed. "Let's get some sleep. Especially you, Keith. We've had a long day and could use the rest. We'll just have to take things as they come."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, this one doesn't end in a cliffhanger for once. I'd apologize, but I have to keep you guys coming back somehow. Hope you enjoyed.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes on another mission and there's a hole involved, but not the fun kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I have a posting schedule! For the time being, at least. Really, if something doesn't go up Friday evening-ish, you can blame my beta, not me. Although if I work late that night, it may go up Friday morning or later that night.
> 
> Also, still looking for someone to beta. I didn't mention it last week (because I forgot) but if you sign up, you'll get chapters a week early, so go. Do the thing. Email me at avengersfightasone@gmail.com
> 
> Also, I won NaNoWriMo! Yes, it is appropriate to bow before me.
> 
> I'd also like to give a shout-out to Cookies_and_Biscuits and Brohaikyuu for their dedicated commenting. You guys rock!

"Allura, you and Hunk check the left path. Pidge, Shiro, you check the right," Keith directed from his lion. He was hovering about twenty feet off the ground, watching the other paladins as they walked through a forest. They were looking for the source of a distress beacon that the castle had picked up but it was difficult to look from above with how dense the trees were.

It had been a month since Keith had started sitting out of battles, staying in his lion the whole time and giving support when he could, like the castle would during space battles.

And he hated it.

He felt useless sitting up in his lion. It was starting to feel less like a friend and more like a prison. He tried not to think like that. He didn't want Black to pick up on his unhappiness. He knew the lions weren't technically alive, but they certainly seemed sentient and calling BLack a prison felt kind of like insulting a friend. But he had been right - he was going stir crazy. Every time his team got into a skirmish on the ground, he spent the entire time worrying.

Once, about a week in, Pidge got hurt fighting some Galra drones while he was picking off attack fighters outside the ship and sulking. He still felt guilty about that, despite the fact that Pidge hadn't seemed broken up about it at all. She had even refused to go into a healing pod. It was just a cut along her thigh, although it was a deep one. She said she wanted a cool scar.

Keith still blamed himself.

And it also made him worry even more when he couldn't be with his team. His anxiety was especially bad right now. With all the trees blocking his view, he'd never be able to provide covering fire without the high possibility of him hitting a friend.

He hated it so much.

He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, watching the little shapes that he knew were his friends split up and take a couple different paths. They had to be getting close now. “How’s it going, guys?”

“We haven’t found anything yet on our side,” Hunk answered.

“Well, it’s gotta be around here somewhere,” Pidge said. “Maybe it’s underground?”

“Maybe,” Shiro added slowly. “We could look around to see if there are any caves around or - ah!” His voice cut off suddenly.

“Shiro?” Keith shouted into his radio. There was no answer. “Shiro!” Nothing.

No one else was answering either.

“This isn’t funny, guys,” Keith said, unable to keep the worry from his voice. “What’s going on down there?” He couldn’t see anything through the trees.

He wanted someone to respond. He needed someone to respond. He needed...

He needed to get out and see for himself.

If his friends were in danger, if they were hurt and couldn't get out, he needed to go help them. He couldn't just stay in Black and hope that they would just work it out on their own.

He was supposed to be the leader. It was time for him to actually lead.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but there's a clearing a little ways up. I'm going to land and come find you." He turned his lion towards the clearing he had picked out. It was a pretty decent size, but it was still just barely big enough for his lion to kind of land, kind of fall on the ground.

Keith was out and running as soon as Black was stable enough. He patted the lion's nose as he exited. "Wait here for me, girl. I'll be right back." His connection to Black wasn't as strong yet as his had been with Red, but he could still feel the anxiety from her, which she was honestly probably picking up from him. He was practically vibrating with nervous energy.

He ran back towards where he had last seen his friends. "Shiro?" He called out, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Pidge? Allura? Hunk? Anyone?" Maybe it wasn't a good idea to shout, he realized belatedly. It would probably draw whatever had attacked them to him. Whoops.

Nothing came running out of the brush, though. No Galra soldiers started attacking. What was going on here?

He stepped around the corner and almost fell into a giant gaping hole in the ground. It was much too far across to jump it. He looked to either side to see how far he'd have to go to go around it. It was about twice as long as it was across but he could still see both ends. He was about to run around when he heard a groan.

"Hello?" He called into the hole. Since the trees were blocking most of the sunlight, he couldn't tell how deep it was.

"Keith? Is that you?" A distant voice came up from the hole. It sounded like...

"Pidge? What happened? Where is everyone else?" Keith was getting frantic. Where was Shiro? Where were Allura and Hunk? Had everyone fallen in?

"Everyone else is down here, too." Another voice said, Hunk this time. "The two paths came together a little way back but that corner is a doozy. We were running and never saw the hole coming."

Keith glanced up at the other side of the hole. Just like on his side, there was a sharp curve right before it. It was a miracle he had stopped in time himself. “Is everyone alright?” He called down.

“A little bruised, but nothing broken,” Shiro called up. “We’re fine. Pidge is in the worst shape. She sprained her ankle.”

“Well, just jetpack yourselves up here and we can get back to the castle,” Keith replied.

“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Hunk said. “I can’t tell what it is by smell alone since this is, you know, an alien planet, but there is definitely some kind of gas down here, and there’s a good chance it’s highly flammable.”

“Keith, be careful,” Pidge’s voice warned. “The sides of this hole are way too smooth. Someone put it here on purpose.”

Keith looked at the forest on either side of him, listening carefully as he turned. He didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but that didn’t mean much. The trees were too thick to see through and there was plenty of animal noises to mask any movement. He’d just have to hope for luck. It wasn’t very reassuring, but it was all he had.

“I’m going to see if I can find something to pull you guys up with,” Keith shouted down. If he still had Red he might have been able to break through the trees and slide into the hole to get them out that way. It looked like it was just big enough for the smaller, more agile lion to make it. It but Red was Shiro’s now, and Black was way too big.

He searched the surrounding area for some kind of vine or long branch or something that he could use to pull them out. If he made his way back to his lion, he might be able to find some rope or at least go up and get a better view of where he might find something, but he didn't like the idea of leaving the rest of his team to fend for themselves. They were too vulnerable.

He was still looking, turning in circles, when he saw it, off in the distance. Barely visible between the leaves was a blue glow. Keith immediately dropped to the ground, keeping his body flat. A fraction later, there was the sound of a gun going off. He hissed as the bullet grazed his leg, burning a line into his thigh.

Keith continued to lay where he was, breathing heavily. He wasn't badly hit, fortunately. He must have gotten out of the way just in time.

"What is going on up there?" Allura called from the pit.

"It's the assassin!" Keith called back. He had to move quickly. He didn't know if the assassin was going to try again, so he needed to get something between him and the sniper. He jumped up and ducked behind the nearest tree, wincing as his leg throbbed. Fortunately, the woods seemed very old and so most of the trees were large enough to hide behind.

"Keith!" Shiro's voice sounded worried. "Keith, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Keith assured him. "It just grazed my leg." He peeked around his tree, looking for more blue glow. He didn't see any, but that didn't mean much.

"Is everyone alright?" A new voice, Coran, asked through Keith's helmet radio.

"Coran?" Keith asked, a little surprised that he hadn't realized the absence of Coran before. He'd been a little caught up in the moment, to be fair.

"All of your signals went out," Coran said. Even through the crackle, they could tell that he'd been scared. "There was no way to track you or talk to you. Something was blocking it, but whatever that was is gone now."

"Felis," Pidge guessed. "He was here, shooting at Keith, just a second ago. He must have left when his shot missed."

"The assassin?" Coran asked. "He was there?"

"Yeah," Keith said, still breathing heavily. He still didn't want to move from his hiding spot, and he was still scanning the foliage for any sign of attack. "Coran, can you keep an eye on everyone's signals, make sure everything looks okay? The others are trapped in a hole and I need to go back to my lion for some rope to pull them up with." He wasn't entirely sure how that worked, but Coran could probably handle it.

"It seems I missed a lot while the comms were out," Coran mused. "You'll have to tell me all about it when you get back. For now, go get that rope. I"ll let you know if anything changes."

"We'll be alright," Shiro assured them. "Let's just get out of here."

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Keith promised. He ran off through the forest, his mind and senses on high alert. He didn't want any more surprises. A jolt of pain went through his leg with every step he took, but he pushed that out of his mind. He didn’t have time to limp.

Despite his paranoia, he made it back to Black with no trouble. He grabbed the rope from the emergency supplies and brought it back to the hole.

"Well, now at least we know who made this hole," Allura said as she was pulled out first. "It must have been Felis. He was trying to get you out of your lion, Keith."

"Yeah, and if I ever meet him, I'll kill him for putting my friends in danger like that,” Keith growled. He was tired. His leg hurt. And he was mad.

_You know what they say about cornered animals? That’s you right now._

**That’s right,** Keith replied, clenching his hands into fists. **And Caeruleus Felis should be scared.**

. . . . .

"You're clearly still in danger," Shiro said, his arms crossed as he looked down at Keith sitting on the couch. "The assassin hasn't forgotten about you."

"No, that would be way too easy," Keith mumbled, picking at the edge of his gloves. They were starting to fray. He'd been wearing them basically all the time since they'd first left Earth, so it wasn't surprising, but they were his favorite gloves. Maybe he could try to find a way to repair them.

Pidge snorted. "We have to give some credit to your luck, though," she said. "This is the second time you've managed to live through an encounter with the assassin."

Shiro shook his head. "That may be true, but Keith's been hit both times. It may have only been in the leg this time, but we can't rely on luck forever. We've got to find this guy and stop him before we lose someone else."

 _Yeah. Then I would lose my superstar status as the Martyr of Team Voltron._ Keith knew Lance's voice was still just in his head, but right now there was also a phantom Lance sitting on Pidge's couch with her and if Keith didn't think about the logic of it all too hard, he could almost imagine that it really was Lance sitting there, discussing Keith's impending doom with the rest of them.

He should probably see someone about the phantom Lances. Hearing his voice had been bad enough, but he could at least have just written that off as his brain refusing to admit that Lance was really gone, but this was just too far.

Keith rubbed his temples. He didn’t have the energy to deal with any of this right now. “Right. I’ll try to be more careful. For now, get some rest. I’m going to go patch up my leg.”


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finds something interesting on a remote planet that is Galra controlled and go to check it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is late. I went to a Lindsey Stirling concert this weekend and, in all fairness, was a little distracted. The next chapter should still come out on Friday. Enjoy the feels!

A couple weeks later, the rest of the team was sitting in the lounge when Pidge came running in, her laptop clutched to her chest. "Guys! I need to talk to you!"

They looked up quickly at the urgency in her voice. "What is it, Pidge?" Shiro asked, standing up. Keith followed suit, walking over as Pidge opened her laptop and turned it around to face them.

"What is this?" Keith asked, squinting at the screen. It was completely covered in text but he could understand none of it. "It just looks like gibberish to me."

"That's because I took my notes in shorthand to save time," Pidge admitted, turning the laptop back around. "I'll tell you what it says, but you have to promise you won't be mad at me."

Shiro looked down at her suspiciously. "And why would we be mad at you?"

"Because..." She took a deep breath before continuing quickly. "Because I kept looking for Lance. I know you said that I need to stop and let go and move on but I just couldn't and I kept wondering 'what did they do with the body' so I was looking mostly through transcript logs and before you get really upset and start yelling at me, I found something."

Shiro, who'd already opened his mouth to do exactly that, shut it again. Hunk also looked uncomfortable, like he wanted to tell Pidge off but was also curious about what she found.

Keith, however, was more than ready to hear what Pidge had to say. He had hated giving up the search, but apparently Pidge had liked the idea even less. Honestly, they should have predicted that one. "Pidge. What did you find?" He asked, leaning towards her.

"A trail," she answered, walking to plop down on one of the couches so she could type more easily. She hit some keys and flipped the laptop around so they could see the line jump through space. "I've been collecting data from every ship and base we go to. I started at the planet we had landed on originally and searched the area around it based on the time it took us to get back and the speed we were going in the Galra shuttle after the...after the incident." Her energy faltered for a blip, but she steeled herself and jumped back into her story. "I just...I at least wanted to know what they did with his body. I've been looking for months. There wasn't anything that outright said 'Lance's body' or anything like that, but I found mentions of a body from that ship, and the description sounded like Lance, so I followed that. But the last place I could find was here." She pointed to the dot at the end of the line. "It's Zegroatis. It's a Galra prison colony."

Keith's head perked up. "A prison colony?"

Pidge nodded. "So that got me thinking, why would they send a dead body to a prison colony instead of just jettisoning it out into space or burying it on the nearest planet. Which made me think that maybe..." She took a deep breath. "Maybe Lance is still alive."

For a minute, the room was dead silent as Pidge's last sentence sunk in.

"We have to go," Keith said finally. _Aw, Keith. You do care._

"Wait guys," Shiro began, trying to keep everyone grounded. "We don't know what we're going to find there. We don't know that Lance is still alive. Even if he made it to the prison colony, there's a good chance he didn't survive until now."

"But we at least have to go check!" Keith retorted, his brain already gearing up for a fight. "We owe him that much."

Shiro sighed, turning to look out the window at the endless space on the other side. Could Lance really still be out there? "I know. I know. I just don't want everyone to get their hopes up."

Keith walked over and put a hand on Shiro's shoulder. "Let's head out as soon as possible," he said. "Allura, Coran, warp us as close to the planet as you can, but watch out for Galra ships. We don't know what kind of security they have set up."

“From what I could tell, not much,” Pidge said. “The planet is really remote, and none of the other planets in the system can support life. Most of their security is automated. Drones, robots, shields. We’ll definitely have to go in on our lions to have any chance of slipping through.”

“We will stay far enough away to be out of range then,” Coran assured her. “You all can fly in from there.”

. . . . .

“Where’s all that security Pidge was talking about?” Hunk asked as they flew through the planet’s atmosphere. “Because I’ve got nothing.”

“There wasn’t anything in the data I downloaded that said this place had been abandoned, but it sure seems like it has,” Pidge agreed.

“I still don’t like it,” Shiro said. “We should be careful going in.” They continued to fly forward, watching all around them for any sign of attack.

The planet below was...surprisingly beautiful. There weren’t any large land masses that they could see. Just thousands of islands and more ocean than anywhere they’d ever been before. It all looked very warm and tropical.

_Sign me up for this prison. I’d give up my freedom for the ocean in a heartbeat._

Pidge directed them towards the island that matched the prison’s coordinates, landing them all on the beach. Everyone got out, even Keith, who hadn’t been anywhere but the ship and his lion in the two weeks since the last attack.

“Keith, are you sure this is a good idea?” Shiro asked. “This could be a trap to lure you out.”

“Then let them lure me,” he replied stubbornly, crossing his arms over his body. “I’m not sitting this one out.”

Shiro looked at his face, then shook his head. “Alright, let’s just be careful.” It wouldn’t be fair to fight Keith on this. On Lance.

Pidge led them up the hill away from the beach. All of them had their bayards out and ready, but there was a suspicious lack of security. When they crested the hill, they saw why.

There was no large building or village of buildings to keep prisoners in. There were no guards or security sentinels. All there was, was gravestones. Row after row of haphazardly dug graves and roughly chiseled stones.

This wasn’t a prison colony.

This was a prison burial ground.

Pidge ran through the rows, glancing at each name until she came to a short stop in front of one in the way back. The others ran to stand around her.

 _Lance, Paladin of Voltron_ was all it said. There was no last name or dates. The people who buried him here knew nothing about him, had no details of his life. They didn’t know where he came from or what he was trying to get home to. They didn’t know how hard he worked to be accepted or about the family he left behind.

They didn’t know anything.

Pidge turned into Hunk’s warm hug and began crying into his shirt while he rubbed her back gently. She had tried so hard to find him, had tried for so long, and had thought that maybe she had actually found him. She couldn’t find her brother or her father. She thought maybe she’d gotten this one right. As much as Shiro had told them all to keep their expectations low, she couldn’t help but let a little bit of hope slip in.

Finding this was like losing Lance all over again.

Out of the corner of his eye, Keith saw something. A subtle blue glow off in the distance. He whipped his head towards it, hand already going to his bayard. But before he could figure out where it was coming from, it was gone.

Shiro placed his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Is everything alright?”

Keith thought for a moment. Should he say something? He didn’t even know if he’d actually seen something. It could have been a trick of the light or his mind making things up. If it had been the assassin, and if he’d been there to kill Keith, wouldn’t he have just done that? No, there was no sense in worrying everyone else over a phantom.

 _Imagining things that aren’t me? How dare you. I thought we had something special._ Speaking of phantoms, the one of Lance that had been appearing a lot more regularly was currently sitting on top of his own gravestone. _Didn’t we have bonding moment or something that one time?_

Hunk looked around over Pidge’s head. “No, this won’t work,” he mumbled into the gloomy yard. The mountain looming over it cast the entire thing in shadow. They couldn’t even see the water from here. He peeled Pidge away from his body and stomped over to the headstone, picking it up off the ground with a grunt. He turned away and started carrying it down the hill.

His team followed after him. “What are you doing?” Keith asked as they jogged down towards the beach.

“Lance deserves better than some dark graveyard,” Hunk replied through gritted teeth. The stone was heavy, even for him.

He found a grassy patch right at the bottom of the hill, with a perfect view across the beach to the ocean. He set it down facing the water.

 _Oh yeah. I could get used to a view like this._ Phantom Lance had disappeared while they moved, but had returned to sitting on the stone in Keith’s vision once they had stopped again. _Reminds me of home._

 **When we can finally go back home, I’ll make sure you make it back, too,** Keith promised. **You’ll get the best view we can find.**


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is finally allowed to go on a mission and things go...about as well as you'd expect.

“This should be easy,” Keith said. “Quick in to check the distress signal’s origin and then out again. So I’m going with you.”

“Last time there was an ‘easy distress signal’ as you put it, you were shot,” Allura reminded him.

Keith ran his hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. “I know. But that was three weeks ago.”

“I doubt that means that he’s stopped trying,” Shiro said, flashing him a warning look. “We’ve just been careful to keep you safe.”

“Come on, Shiro,” Keith begged. “I can’t take being a benchwarmer anymore. It’s going to kill me before he even gets a chance.” Shiro glared at Keith with his best ‘protective older brother’ look. “Just this once, okay? I promise. But I need to do something before I crack.”

_You sure you aren’t already cracked? Dude, even Humpty Dumpty feels sorry for you._

Shiro sighed. “Fine. But you stay by me.”

Keith glared at him. “I thought I was supposed to be the leader,” he said accusingly.

“You are the leader, but for right now I’m going to be the voice of reason,” Shiro laughed. “Also, I know that even if I say it’s not a good idea, you’ll do it anyways, so this way I can at least be there if something goes wrong.”

 _Stick your tongue out at him. That’ll help._ Phantom Lance stuck his tongue out at Keith in demonstration.

“Fine.” Keith replied shortly. He didn’t like the idea, but if it would get him out of Black and into some real action, he would take it. “Let’s go get in our lions then.” He stormed off out the door before anyone else could object.

They landed just outside a group of large, semi-permanent buildings that were made of stacked wood and were grouped almost how a city would be, with a large fire pit in the middle where the town square would usually be.

“We’ll split up and check the area,” Keith suggested. When Shiro gave him a pointed look, he added, “It’s a small enough town that we’ll be able to hear each other if something happens.”

 **I don’t need a babysitter,** he complained to inner Lance.

_I think you do, buddy. You’ve already been shot twice._

Keith rolled his eyes and started off on his own, picking a direction and just going that way. You’d think at least the voice in his head would agree with him. Figures that his would be just as obstinate and argumentative as the person it was based off of.

The others picked their own directions and started poking around the buildings, spreading out like a fan. The town seemed to be deserted. Guess whoever had been living here had decided to get away from whatever had caused them to activate the distress beacon. He poked his head into a few houses and was about to move on down the road when he heard a cry of pain coming from a couple houses over. He took off sprinting, listening to hear if the sound came again. His blood was pumping, his heart racing. He was…enjoying himself. Excitement was quickly replaced with guilt. One of his teammates might be hurt, in trouble. He shouldn’t be having fun, he should be focusing.

Keith ran into the building in front of him. He was sure the shout had come from around here, so the person had to be nearby. But all he saw was a dark, empty room. There was a door on the opposite side. He ran over to it, thinking the person could have gone that way, but it was locked tight. They could have gone that way and locked the door behind them. He'd just take a quick look around and then try going around the other side. Maybe there was another way into that back room.

He had to find them.

They had to still be okay.

He couldn’t let anyone else die, not on his watch.

"You know, this was the first planet I ever assassinated someone on," a voice said from behind him. Keith whipped around his bayard jumping into his hand and immediately extending out into his sword. "Just some small fry - it was mostly a test. Still, it seems fitting that I should finally catch you here. Like...it's like...irony, I guess? Justice? Something like that."

There was a tall, lanky figure leaning casually against the door frame. All Keith could see in the darkness was his silhouette but his voice was throwing Keith off. He seemed so...young. Keith had expected someone in their mid-thirties at least. The person in front of him couldn’t be any older than he was. What had happened to lead him here?

“Funny. I’ve been trying to get you in my sights for weeks now and you keep evading me but now here you are, at point blank range.” The voice was cold, emotionless. And there was the glow, the blue veins pulsing under skin and the blue light covering his eyes, whites and all.

Felis stepped forward.

He had a pistol at his side, equipped with a silencer. He was wearing a black tank top with a hood which was up and covering part of his face in shadow. Everything he was wearing was black, including his mask. Up close like this, though, Keith could see it in incredible detail. Other than the square holes for eyes, it was completely expressionless. There were intricate, lace-like carvings covering the entire thing. It also looked like it was made completely out of some kind of metal.

“You know, you're the first person to ever survive me," the assassin said, his voice muffled by his mask. He sounded...impressed, though. "If it were up to me, I'd let you live. But it's not up to me, and the Boss wants you dead." He tapped the pistol against his leg. “I even made sure to get real close so I couldn’t miss.”

“What did your boss say when he found out that you had a clear shot at me in that graveyard and you didn’t take it?” Keith asked. Maybe he could keep him talking? It was a long shot, but at least it was a shot...kind of.

_Hopefully one that won’t lead to death._

The assassin just shrugged. “You were clearly grieving for someone. I’m an assassin, not a monster.”

Keith snorted. As far as he was concerned, an assassin was a monster, especially one working for the Galra for...fun? Money? This guy, with his tanned skin and blue glow was clearly not Galra, so why was he doing this.

“And why are you assassinating people for the Galra?” Keith asked. Keep him talking. Look for an escape route. The assassin was standing in front of the only door and there weren’t any windows.

Perfect.

Well, that just meant that he’d have to find a way around the assassin. Or he could try and find a way to capture the assassin. Two birds with one stone or whatever.

 _You could try screaming really loud to see if someone hears you,_ internal Lance suggested unhelpfully.

“Well, mostly it’s so that they don’t kill me when I refuse,” Felis admitted. “But I do have sniper training after all, so I might as well use it. I kill people, Lotor makes sure I have everything I could ever need or want. It’s pretty good deal from where I’m standing. However, that does mean you have to go. I’ve got my eyes on a golden hot tub and I’m sure that if I get rid of you, Lotor will get it for me.”

He raised the pistol.

“Wait!” Keith shouted, putting up his hands. The assassin paused. “At least...at least let me see your face,” Keith said, trying to sound less afraid than he was. “If I’m going to die anyways, it won’t matter if I see you, right?” Maybe taking off the mask would distract him just enough for Keith to strike. He just needed an opening.

The man seemed to contemplate this for a moment. Then he shrugged. “If looking into the eyes of death will make you go more quietly, I don’t see the harm.” Without lowering the gun, the man stepped forward, into the moonlight. His right hand went up to his face and pulled off his mask. Keith readied himself to attack but then…

He gasped.

No.

Not here.

Not now.

Not like this.

“Lance?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here’s where we find out that this story has secretly been a Winter Soldier AU the whole time! I know I probably had nobody fooled, but please humor me. I worked hard to bring this M. Night Shamalan twist to you all. The least you could do is let me believe for even a little bit that it worked before all of my hopes and dreams are crushed by the weight of reality.
> 
> Thank you.


	13. Cover Contest ?!?!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kethri here, shamelessly encouraging fanart of my own story ^_^

Right off the bat - not a new chapter, sorry. Since I just posted the actual chapter, like, a minute ago, you should have expected that. However, this thing that I have to say needed a lot of words, so I didn’t want to confine it to the notes section of another chapter.

I’ll keep announcing this until it ends, but I’ve decided to do a little contest for you artists/photoshoppers out there.

Who: You, obviously  
What: Design a cover for a physical copy of Pros and Cons  
Where: You can draw/edit anywhere I guess, but you can submit them through email to avengersfightasone@gmail.com or you can post them on twitter and @KethriHolmes there and/or tag them as #prosandconscover. Same for instagram, although my username there is @Kethri_h  
When: starting now and going until the end of the month  
Why: You get a prize! If I choose your art for the cover, I will send you a completely free physical copy of this story, signed by me (because of my ego, obvs). It will have the entire finished story as well as all of the bonus content, so you’ll get that long before everyone else  
How: However you like! I don’t care what medium you use as long as it’s clean and looks cool! Anything’s better than the shitty screengrab one I did as a placeholder

I’m doing the actually printing part using createspace.com, so use their template/specs to make it.

You have until midnight on December 31st to get your submissions in.

Thanks in advance!  
\- Kethri


	14. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you like this chapter. Just wanted to remind you that the cover contest is still going until Dec. 31 at midnight, so if you have an idea make sure you get it in before the ball drops (literally). If you don't know what's going on, all the information for the contest is in the previous "chapter". Good luck!
> 
> I'd also like to thank DreamersEclipse for being a loving and supporting Beta and would like to officially welcome imashayne to the team! (Since I'm a piece of trash and forgot to do it on the last chapter.) Thanks, guys, for everything you do.

Keith’s brain shut down completely. This had to be a trick, right? He’d been seeing phantom Lance’s everywhere, had been hearing his voice more and more regularly. This was just the next step towards insanity.

Felis laughed, a dark sound that didn’t match the face he was wearing. It wasn’t Lance’s carefree or teasing chortle and the disconnect was throwing Keith off. “Lance? Who’s that, your boyfriend?”

_Like I could go out with someone who thinks a mullet is a good look._

Keith didn’t respond to either of them. He just stared, unblinking, at the form in front of him. No matter how long he looked, the features didn’t change. It had to be fake, right? An illusion. Keith stood unblinking, eyes flitting frantically, trying to find a crack, something that would prove that this wasn’t real. But he couldn’t find one. This was definitely Lance.

But Lance was dead.

Felis seemed to falter, the wry smile that he’d been wearing slipping just a little and the tip of his pistol dipping down towards the ground. This small movement was enough to break Keith from his paralysis.

It was just a little blip, but Keith caught it and jumped on it. Literally. He leapt forward, knocking the pistol out of the assassin’s grasp and pinning him to the ground with one hand, using his body to pin the fake-Lance in place. The fingers of his other hand curled into a fist.

The assassin grinned. That self-satisfied expression had Lance written all over it. “What are you going to do, hit me?”

The corner of Keith’s mouth turned up into a tiny smile. Then he did something that he’s wanted to do so many other times.

He pulled back his arm and punched Lance right in his smug face.

Not-Lance rose up to fight back, but too late. Keith aimed for the temple, careful to only use enough power to knock his opponent out. Felis or Lance cried out and then fell back against the ground. Keith sat back on his knees, breathing heavily. Below him, Lance’s resting expression was calm and peaceful. His chest was still rising and falling steadily, so that was good.

Keith needed time to think.

_Did you just punch me?_

**Not now, Lance.**

_You just punched me!_

Keith reached over and picked up his helmet, putting it on. “Shiro? Pidge? Anyone? Can you hear me?” He asked into the static. He hoped his helmet hadn’t been badly damaged when he fell. There was a crack across his visor, but there didn’t seem to be anything else wrong.

“Keith?” Allura’s voice replied. “Keith, are you there? What happened?”

“I got cornered by the assassin.” Keith’s voice was flat as he stood over his friend. He looked around for something he could use as rope. There were some wires poking through holes in the wall. They’d have to do.

“You did?” Allura’s voice was layered with concern. “Are you alright?”

“I’m not injured,” Keith assured her as he wrapped the ropes around his captive. “But I’d hardly say I’m alright. I managed to knock him out but you...probably want to come see this for yourself. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

The connection was silent as Allura thought. “Alright. I’ll round everyone else up. They’re all here with me at the town center, trying to get people to calm down. Where are you?”

He knew that he should ask about the aliens that they were supposed to be rescuing, but that thought was pushed far back in his mind as Lance was made his only priority. Keith gave directions as he propped Felis/Lance up against the wall so that he could tie his legs together. He didn’t even stir. Keith sat down next to him to wait for the others to come.

It didn't take them long. Keith spent the time staring at Felis/Lance, still trying to look for some kind of image flicker that would prove that it was a trick. Shiro entered the room first, followed closely by Allura, Hunk, and Pidge. Shiro only took a couple steps through the door before he stopped short, causing the others to run into his back.

"Ow. Shiro, what's the big deal?" Pidge asked, peeking around him. Her eyes widened. "That's not possible."

Keith had closed his eyes and didn't bother to open them again. "That was basically my reaction, yeah."

"But...we saw his grave!" Pidge protested.

"And you think the Galra couldn't easily fake that?" Keith asked. His voice sounded as tired as he felt. He'd just had an exhausting ten minutes.

He needed a nap. A headache was beginning to form behind his eyes.

Shiro walked over and put his hand to Lance/Felis's neck. "He's still alive," he stated.

Keith opened one eye and used it to glare at him. "Why wouldn't he be?"

"I just didn't think you’d be able to get out of this without one of you killing the other," Shiro admitted.

"That was before I saw him in person. You think I could kill someone with Lance's face?" Keith yelled, jumping up and finally opening both eyes.

Shiro sighed. "No," he said. "I don't think any of us could have." No one was saying that this might have been the point, but the thought was still tense in the air. He looked down at the unconscious teen. "And now we can ask him questions."

"Shouldn't we be trying to, I don't know, fix him?" Keith asked, still shouting.

Shiro remained calm in the face of Keith's anger. He'd had lots of practice at it. "We don't even know if that's really Lance. It could just be someone made to look like him."

"Just look!" Keith said, pointing. "It's Lance! It's Lance with his smooth skin and smug face and we need to help him."

"And we will," Shiro assured him. He put his hands on his hips. "Let's just get him back to the castle, maybe put him in a cryo pod until we can figure something else out. It'll heal that lump on his head and give us as much time as we need to come up with a plan."

Keith hesitated then nodded. He’d have to be happy with that for now. No one else seemed to have any ideas of what to do, least of all Keith.

But what could they do? How would they even figure out how broken he was? They’d clearly done something serious to him to make him forget who he was.

What had they done to him?

He knew that thought would get him nowhere, but he couldn’t help it. The more Keith thought about what Lance must have gone through at the hands of the Galra, his thoughts darkened and his guilt grew stronger. He barely noticed when Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. “Give me a hand?” Keith nodded dazedly.

Shiro lifted Lance up by the shoulders and Keith, finally forcing himself into action, grabbed his legs. Together, they carried him out of the town and back to the lions. They loaded him into Black, setting him up against the wall where Keith could see him, in case he woke up on the way back to the castle.

He didn’t.

Coran had a stretcher ready when they got back to the hangar bay. They unwrapped the wires from around his arms and loaded him into a cryopod.

“I’ll take first watch,” Coran said. When the others started to protest, he put his hand up. “You all just got back from a harrowing experience. You need food and rest. It will take a few hours at least and I can always call you back here when he wakes.”

Shiro and Allura nodded but Keith, Hunk, and Pidge didn’t look convinced. “We just got him back and you want us to leave?” Pidge objected.

Shiro rested his hand on top of her head. “He’ll still be here when you get back, I promise.”

Pidge looked like she wanted to say more but Hunk grabbed her shoulders and steered her towards the door. “Let’s go try out that garlic-like plant we found last week in my spaghetti-ish thing,” he suggested. Keith followed after them glumly, his eyes not leaving Lance’s cryopod, twisting his body and cranking his neck until he couldn’t see it’s soft blue glow any more.

. . . . .

Keith sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Lance’s cryopod, watching. Pidge and Hunk sat on either side of him. Pidge was nose-deep in her laptop and Hunk was fiddling with the arm of a Galra sentinel. Keith was realizing, belatedly, that she should have brought something to do. He could go off by himself to a more open part of the room and train or exercise. In fact, if would be a good way to distract himself, get rid of some of this nervous energy, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He didn’t want to look away.

Part of him was worried that if he did, Lance’s face would be replaced by someone else’s, that the spell would break and Lance would be gone again.

How many times would they have to lose him?

They knew for sure that he was really Lance, now, though. The cryopod had recognized his DNA as a match as soon as he went in. Still, Keith’s brain was running through every worst-case scenario it could come up with.

What if he never came out of cryo?

What if they couldn’t get the old Lance back?

What if he was gone forever?

What if...

It didn’t help that he’d been in there much longer than he was supposed to be. A head injury that should have taken a few hours at the most was now going on three days. Three days in which Keith had gotten next to no sleep, and what little he’d managed had been filled with nightmares. As far as Coran could tell, there wasn’t anything left wrong with him physically, so he should have come out. The healing pod was still trying to fix something, and it wasn’t safe to pull him out early. The pod would be done when it was done. There must just be something that they couldn’t see.

And that made Keith extremely nervous.

That meant that there was something internal that the healing pod was fighting, and it was bad.

So Keith used this time to study Lance. The most surprising thing to him was that Lance had no blue glow while he was unconscious. There wasn’t even anything to indicate that he would glow. No marks on his skin. No faint blue after-effect. Nothing. In fact, the only sign that anything had happened at all was a large, dark-brown burn mark on the side of his head.

Where he’d killed himself.

There was a set of Altean handcuffs sitting on the table next to Lance’s cryopod. It was a stark reminder to all of them that this wasn’t the Lance they knew. That this was Caeruleus Felis, Galra assassin.

Keith needed that reminder more than he wanted to admit. With Lance asleep and not trying to kill him, and his internal Lance mysteriously absent, it was easy to pretend that it had all just been a dream. That Lance had just gotten hurt and had to get healed up, and that Keith had just fallen asleep waiting and had had a crazy dream where his friend was brainwashed to assassinate people for the Galra. When Lance got out, Keith would tell him about the dream and they could laugh about how ridiculous it was.

It was easy to pretend that everything wasn’t wrong.

Keith stood up. He didn’t want to leave, but his body was itching to move. He could go train, but he didn’t want to be away from Lance, wanted to be there when he woke up. But his stomach gave a rumble, reminding him that none of them had eaten very much these last few days. “I’m going to go to the kitchen and get us some snacks,” he announced, moving towards the door. Pidge gave him a half-hearted thumbs up and Hunk nodded. Neither of them looked up from their projects.

Maybe he’d also find something to do while he was out.

He had just opened the door in front of him when a soft glow and the sound of something sliding came from behind him. The doors had already started to shut behind him and he wrenched them open to get back into the room.

Lance was finally out.

Keith turned and ran back into the room, all thoughts of anything else forgotten. He got back to the cryopod just in time to be there when Hunk caught Lance as he fell out of the pod.

Keith snatched up the handcuffs and put them on Lance. He didn’t give himself time to second-guess. He didn’t allow himself to realize that he was cuffing his friend and teammate.

 **He’s not Lance, he’s a Galra assassin,** he told internal Lance. There was no reply, but it’s hard to break a habit.

“Where am I?” Lance...no, Felis asked. He blinked at the three of them in turn and then down at his cuffed wrists. It was like he was trying to piece together where he was simply by glaring at the world around him.

Something must have clicked in his mind because he sneered. The expression was unnerving on Lance’s face. It wasn’t an expression he would have worn normally and it looked completely out of place. “Do I have the honor of being entertained in the famous Castle of Lions?”

Hunk pushed him into a sitting position so he wouldn’t fall over from cryo lag while Pidge ran over to the room’s main console.

“Shiro, Allura, Coran,” she said over the intercoms. She didn’t know where specifically they were, so she just addressed the whole castle. “It’s Lance. He just woke up.” Pidge’s voice cracked on the last word and she had to clear her throat.

“Who is this ‘Lance’ you all keep talking about, anyways?” Felis asked. “What, is he my evil twin or something?”

Keith snorted. “If anything, you’d be the evil twin.”

Felis opened his eyes wide in mock surprise. “I’m hurt. Mark it down, in the logs, that today my feelings were hurt.”

 **Well,** Keith thought. **They may have changed everything else about him, including his memories, but at least his terrible sense of humor is still intact. Some things never changed.** “Noted,” he replied dryly.

“And can a guy get a glass of water in here?” He asked, shifting to lean against Hunk, who was still holding his arms from behind. Wasn’t he even going to try and escape? He looked like he was closer to taking a nap. “I’m so thirsty I could drink an ocean.”

Keith, Hunk, and Pidge exchanged confused glances. What was this guy’s deal? Didn’t he realize he was being held captive on an enemy vessel? Before they could reply, the door opened and the others stepped in.

“We were in the kitchen making food for you all when we heard the announcement,” Allura explained, walking over. She and Shiro were both carrying trays of food and Coran was holding a pitcher of what they hoped was water and not one of his Altean specialties.

“Great,” Felis replied, pushing himself away from Hunk. Hunk, surprised by the movement, let go and Felis walked over to Allura. “I’m starving.” In one swift, smooth motion he snagged one of the jello-like cubes that they’d brought and popped it in his mouth. “Not bad. And it makes it better being served by a beautiful lady,” he added with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Lance, I don’t think-” Allura began.

“I’m not Lance,” he interjected. “I don’t even know a Lance. If you ask me, it’s kind of a weird name. A little phallic. Might be compensating for something. My name is Felis. Fe. Lis.”

“Felis,” Allura corrected, although her face contorted just slightly as she said it. “I don’t think you should be wandering around right out of the cryopod. Having your body forced into a healing stasis can be draining.”

“Don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” Felis said as he popped another jello cube into his mouth. “Although, why did you put me in a healing pod, anyway? It would be easier to deal with a prisoner if he was in pain, even with something minor like head wound. Is it because of this Lance guy you keep talking about? Did he die or something?”

They all looked at each other. Shiro looked guilty. Hunk looked like he was going to puke. Pidge looked hesitantly curious, like she wanted to pick this guy apart and see what made him tick but was also vividly aware that it was Lance. Coran looked confused. Alura looked like she was about ready to shove Felis back into the cryopod.

Keith looked angry.

“Don’t you dare,” he growled, taking a step towards Felis, his hands clenching into fists. “Lance was my friend and you’re just an imposter.” He was so...frustrated! He was mad, not at Lance, not even at Felis, but at the universe. He’d been teased with the thought of getting his friend back only to find out that the friend he’d been wanting had been replaced with someone who wore his face and spoke with his voice and had a similar personality but without all the memories and kindess that made him _Lance_.

“Keith,” Hunk warned, grabbing Keith’s upper arm.

“Well,” Felis said dramatically, brushing his fingers off as best he could with handcuffs on. “I’d be insulted if I actually cared about your approval. Which I don’t.”

They didn’t even have time to react.

One second Felis was standing by Allura. Then there was a flash of icy blue and he was all the way over at the opposite wall, Keith pinned against it, his feet kicking as Felis held him off the ground by his neck.

This close, the blue was blinding.

Shiro was the first to move. He ducked between Hunk and Pidge and sprinted over to Keith. “Let go of him!”

Felis didn’t even respond, just growled and gripped Keith’s neck tighter. Keith gasped, his hands clawing at the arms holding him up while his feet kicked wildly. Felis didn’t seem to notice the blows. He just glared at Keith, mouth pulled back in a snarl.

Shiro ran up next to him, pushing off the ground and into his side, using the momentum from the run up to get him away from Keith. The force knocked both of them to the ground. Keith dropped to his knees, gasping in air.

Shiro pinned the still glowing Felis to the ground, sticking his knee in Felis’s back and holding down arms with hands while his captive thrashed beneath him. It took all of Shiro’s concentration to keep himself in control of the situation. Felis was strong, much stronger than Lance had been.

Help arrived seconds later in the form of Hunk keeping Felis on the floor and Coran came over carrying a syringe. Coran pressed the needle into Felis’s neck, forcing the liquid inside into his bloodstream. A minute later, Felis went limp under them and his glow faded into nothingness. Hunk and Shiro fell away with a huff.

“Thanks for that quick thinking, Coran,” Shiro said, leaning against the wall.

Coran grinned, sheepish. “I didn’t want Lance panicking when he woke up and re-injuring himself or hurting someone else, so I already had a sedative prepared. He should be back up in a couple of vargas.

“Then we should get him to a cell or something,” Shiro suggested. “That way he’ll be out of our way when he wakes up, at least until we can figure out what to do.”

Allura nodded. “We can put him down in one of the castle prison cells. That way, we can talk to him when he wakes, but with the safety of an electricity shield between us.” She glanced at Keith, who stood up shakily, rubbing his neck.

“Let’s do that, then,” he said. “It’ll be a long talk. Felis has a lot to answer for.”


	15. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out a little more about Felis and the gang talks about possible solutions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Took a little break for the holidays, but everything should be back on track for the time being. Thanks for reading!

When they all went down to the cell the next day, minus Coran who was staying on the bridge to watch for trouble, it was to find Felis sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. He was also humming. Nothing that sounded like an actual song that they could tell, just notes to fill silence.

It was a very Lance-like thing to do for someone who claimed to know nothing about him.

Keith stepped up to the force field. “Felis,” he called, his voice flat. Without stopping his melody, Felis pulled his head away from the wall and opened his eyes. “We want to ask you some questions.”

Felis continued the tune for a few more notes, holding out the last for much longer than was necessary. Then he leaned back again, lacing his fingers behind his head and crossing his legs out in front of him, eyes closed again. “Alright, ask away.”

Keith glanced from Shiro to Allura and then back at Lance. They had discussed some questions beforehand, but it looked like Keith was expected to ask them. He cleared his throat. “First, how long do we have before the Galra come looking for you?”

Felis shrugged. “I don’t know how long I’ve been away, so I couldn’t tell you specifically. I can, however, tell you that I check in with my Galra bosses at least every three days. You’ll have to do the math from there.”

“Wait,” Pidge interrupted, “When did you last contact them?”

Felis grinned approvingly. He almost looked like the old Lance for a second but then his face settled back into its slightly-snarled place. “Excellent catch there, little birdie. I contacted them right before going to shoot that one.” He nodded his head towards Keith.

That gave them two more days.

“And why were you trying to kill me?” Keith asked

“Because the Galra were paying me to?” Felis replied with a shrug. “And so they wouldn’t throw me in their stupid arena? As long as I put my skills to their good use, I wouldn’t have to sink so low as common brawling and I was well rewarded after each kill.”

“And that didn’t bother you?” Keith spat, his voice rising.

Felis opened one eye to look at Keith. “Why would it? I didn’t have any connection to those people.”

Keith spluttered as tangible words failed him. He felt sick. That was Lance’s voice and his face and his mouth speaking, but they weren’t his words.

Shiro put his hand on Keith’s shoulder, tugging him back away from the force field. Keith couldn’t remember when he had gotten so close. “What did you do before coming to...work, for the Galra?” Shiro asked.

Felis closed his eye again. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” Keith repeated slowly, disbelief clear in his voice.

“Seriously,” Felis added. “I have no idea. I have zero coherent memories of my life before the Galra found me floating through space in a broken-down pod. That pod is the first thing I can remember clearly.”

“So you have no idea who you were,” Shiro said, crossing his arms.

“There was some basic documentation, of course,” Felis replied with a sigh. “My name. Where I’m from. Date of birth. That sort of thing. Other than that...not really, no.”

Keith took a deep, calming breath and looked at Shiro. He could tell they were thinking along the same lines - all of it was information that would be easy to fake and plant on the ship. “Why did the Galra want you to target the people you’ve assassinated?”

“Or tried to assassinate?” Felis teased, opening his eyes just to wink at Keith, flashing a smile before getting back into his resting position. “Political importance, probably? I didn’t really ask, but the files I was given on each gave their titles and they all seemed pretty high up there. Even you, leader of the Paladins of Voltron.”

“Why are you being so forward with all this information,” Keith said, crossing his arms and watching Felis suspiciously. He’d figured they’d have to trick the information out of him, or at least wear him down before he would say anything helpful. But here he was, casually throwing Galra secrets out into the air where anyone could hear them.

Felis shrugged. “It’s not like I’m really loyal to the Galra,” he explained. “They were just the means to a paycheck for me. And literally anything else I wanted. It was a pretty sweet gig.” He sighed, wincing.

“What is it?” Hunk asked, concerned. Something else might be polluting his mind, but it was still Lance’s body.

“Oh, nothing,” Felis said dismissively with a weak wave of his hand. “Just the drugs wearing off. You know the ones that...ow...keep my blood from feeling like it’s on fire.”

“He could be lying,” Keith suggested to his teammates.

“Technically, every word coming out of my mouth could be a lie,” Felis replied, forcing himself to lay back and look as casual as he’d been before. He took a few deep breaths to settle his body back down into a restful pose. “But then that sentence would be a lie, which would make it the truth again and round and round we’d go in all our paradoxical glory.” Keith rolled his eyes even though Felis, with his eyes closed again, wouldn’t see it.

“There is a way we could find out if he tells the truth,” Allura began, stepping towards the force field. “We could put him in a sleep pod and hook up the memory extractor, like we did for Sendak.”

“That didn’t work very well for us,” Pidge reminded her.

“Because he was an unwilling participant,” Keith added, looking pointedly at Felis.

Felis didn’t seem concerned. “Sure. I don’t care.”

“Aren’t you worried about what the Galra will do to you when they find out you’ve been telling us all this stuff,” Keith asked.

“Eh, they’ll probably kill me either way,” Felis replied, finally sitting up completely and tucking his legs underneath him. “Like I said before, I’m not really loyal to the Galra. You could probably tell from my stunning good looks that maybe I’m a different species from those flea monsters, so it’s not like I have any patriotic pride to keep me from talking, and they know that."

Keith turned his back to Felis and gathered the others around him. “What do you guys think?” He asked quietly.

“I think we should hook him up,” Pidge said. Mostly, she still seemed like the concerned friend, but it was equally clear that she was fascinated by the situation at hand and wanted to know more. “Maybe we can even see what’s blocking off his memories.”

“Don’t get too carried away, Pidge, we don't want to do any more damage.” Shiro warned. His dark eyes flicked over their shoulders to take in Felis, and they all tried not to think about what damage had already been done. “I agree, though.”

“Um, does anyone but me see how this might be a violation of Lance’s privacy?” Hunk asked.

Keith sighed. “For now, I think we have to see him as Felis and not Lance,” he suggested, trying to think like a leader, and ignore his own personal feelings. There would be time for that later, when they had more time. “At least until we’ve figured out how to get his memories back.”

“We’re sure this is Lance?” Pidge interjected. “I mean, I want it to be him just as badly as all of you, but what if this is a trap somehow.”

“We just have to trust that Coran knows what he’s talking about,” Shiro replied. “He said that this is still Lance, that it’s his DNA. We need to believe that he’s still in there, somewhere.” The others nodded. “Then let’s do it.” They turned to face Felis again.

“Is your little cuddle puddle finally over?” He asked. “What did you decide?”

“We’re going to hook you up,” Keith told him.

“Oh, good.” Felis leaned back into the wall again. “More sleep. I could use a nap. Your faces wear me out. So many different emotions. It’s exhausting to look at.”

With looks and quick hand movements, they decided that Hunk and Shiro would go in while Keith, Pidge, and Allura would stand watch in the hall. When everyone was ready, Allura put the shield down just long enough for Hunk and Shiro to step through. Once they had Felis properly detained, it could go down more permanently. This was Felis, not Lance, and they doubted Felis would care if one or two of them died so that he could gain freedom.

Except that he didn’t seem to want it.

He didn’t struggle or even object as they shackled his arms in front of him again and led him down the hall to the sleeping pods. He let himself be loaded in. When the cover of the sleeping pod had slid into place, he just closed his eyes and waited. It was freaking Keith out a little. Despite his earlier insistence, seeing Lance shackled was making him uncomfortable, and seeing him so submissive was surreal.

He seemed to simply not care about anything.

Keith wished that his imaginary Lance was still there. His mind was strangely silent without him there, and he could use some humor. Even though he knew somewhere that he was the one coming up with all those quips, they felt wrong in his voice. They needed Lance’s dramatism and flair.

Allura left while they were putting him in the pod and came back after it was loaded with Coran following behind her. He had the memory extractor in his arms. “Are you sure we want to try this again?” He asked as he started to set it up.

“We’re sure,” Keith replied, crossing his arms to match the stubbornness in his voice.

Coran nodded. “I’ll have this up and running in a quick dobash, then.” He turned to fiddle with the extractor again. When he finally straightened a few minutes later, the machine was attached and on and Felis was completely asleep. Almost immediately, the first bit of memory trickled in. It seemed he wasn’t going to fight it after all.

Hunk moved to rest a large hand on the glass cover of the pod. “And now we wait.”

They decided to keep an eye on him in shifts and in pairs of two. Hunk and Keith paired up, both wanting to take first watch. Following them would be Pidge and Shiro, and then Coran and Allura. That way they could keep a close eye on Felis’s vitals and the flow of memories.

Hunk leaned against the wall opposite Felis’s pod. “What if...what if we can’t get him back?”

Keith had been thinking the same thing. He sat down next to Hunk and pulled his knees up to his chest. “We just...we can’t afford to think like that.” He felt guilty. So guilty. Now that he was given a moment to stop and reflect on the discoveries of the past few days, he realized what this meant. Lance, their Lance, hadn’t been dead after all. That he had just been with the Galra. That he had been with the Galra so long that they, probably through torture, took away his memories and manipulated him into working for them.

Into killing for them.

What would happen if Lance, the real Lance, came back and remembered killing all those people. Remembered attacking his friend. Would he break? Would he run away?

“Keith, buddy, you in there?” Keith locked onto his friend’s voice to pull himself out of the downward spiral he’d made his thoughts into.

“Yeah, I’m here. I just...” Keith ran his hand through his hair. “What did they do to him?”

They both turned to look at Lance, sleeping soundly, memories filling up the container slowly but steadily. “I don’t know if I even want to know,” Hunk replied, sliding down the wall to sit next to Keith.

“We could check.” Keith motioned with his foot towards the memory container, where the window to Lance’s memories was just a finger tap away. “Take a peek.” He didn’t want to fully admit just how much he wanted to know what Lance had been through, no matter how much it hurt to watch.

It would have been more painful to live it.

Hunk shook his head. “It’s safer with a willing participant, but Coran says it’s still risky since he’s not Altean. I don’t want to touch the wrong thing and lose him. Again.”

Again.

There was still too many ways for Lance to disappear. The Galra could recapture him. He could run away. It could be impossible to get his memories back. Hunk desperately didn’t want Lance to be gone for good, so he just had to hope.

For Lance’s sake, he had to believe in miracles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! No one won the cover contest (because nobody participated, shame on you ^_^). But it is over now, so whatever. You guys are still welcome to design a cover, but it won't be part of the contest.


	16. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's feels time, little children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is a day late. I've been sick the past few days and wasn't really up to editing anything. However, it's here and all is good.

Since Felis wasn’t trying to stop them from taking his memories, the process took a lot less time than they expected. It was only Pidge and Shiro’s second shift when the machine made a clicking noise and the memories stopped flowing in. Shiro contacted everyone else and within ten minutes they were all there, standing around Coran as he tapped the screen.

“It looks like we’ve got everything,” Coran announced. “All the way back to things he probably doesn’t even remember himself. Well, would have if he was actually himself,” he corrected himself with a wince.

“So there are both Lance and Felis' memories in there?” Pidge asked, leaning around Coran to look at the screen herself.

“That’s correct, Number Five,” Coran replied. “The memories go all the way back seventeen of your Earth years.” He tapped the screen again and they were all watching a child version of Lance running around, probably about six or seven.

“That should be enough,” Shiro said with a nod. “Go ahead and turn that off. We don’t want to watch anything Lance wouldn’t want us to see, if we can help it. We just need to see enough to know what happened and how to help him.”

Coran stopped the memory and tapped his chin. “We should probably start from just before you all were captured by Lotor.”

“You all go,” Shiro said, putting his hand on Keith and Hunk’s shoulders. “I know firsthand what the Galra are capable of. You don’t need to watch this.”

Keith looked up at him defiantly. “That’s exactly why I have to stay! If he could go through it, then I can watch.” He put his head down and looked at his boots. “I owe him that much.” He looked back up again. “Anyone else who wants to go is welcome to leave, but I have to stay. It’s what a leader would do.”

Nobody moved.

Keith couldn’t stop a little smile from tugging on the corners of his mouth. Team Voltron was here, for each other and for Lance. “Let’s do this then. Coran?”

Coran nodded, face grim as he scrubbed through the memories quickly to find the more recent ones he was looking for. He stopped at one of Lance sitting in Red. They watched from Lance’s perspective as he was thrown around the cockpit, knocked unconscious, and eventually taken down by Ezor.

They watched him being dragged to the arena. Watched him being handed the gun. For the first time, Keith heard what Lotor had said to Lance, the deal he had made. And he was furious.

Pidge turned away, hiding in Hunk’s side, so that she wouldn’t see Lance take the shot. Hunk had his eyes closed when it happened. Keith forced himself to watch. He didn’t want to miss a single second of what Lance had gone through.

They continued to stare at the screen as Lance was put into a revolving door of cells and torture rooms and one medical lab where he was regularly injected with two liquids - one glowing bright blue and the other one a dull purple. Pidge took note on her laptop of anything that was interesting or might be useful. This part of his memories went through what had to have been months. Keith cringed often and was glad that he couldn’t hear Lance’s thoughts or feel his emotions. He didn’t know if he’d be able to stay then. Seeing was bad enough.

The next few months showed him training on a base with other Galra. As the months went on, the blue glow grew stronger. It was only there when he was in combat or about to take a shot, meaning it was ability activated.

And then it showed him getting assignments from Lotor himself, or one of his generals, and him assassinating all those people. This was the hardest part for Hunk to watch. There was no hesitation in Lance’s movements, no sense of remorse. He was truly Felis now. Hunk spared a glance to the still-sleeping person next to them. Could they even undo what had happened to him?

When he wasn’t actually out on a mission, Felis was always close behind Lotor and his Generals. He went to meetings with them, and on patrols. Keith was sure that if he had to see the back of Lotor’s head one more time, he’d scream. Lotor almost seemed to treat him like a pet, having him run errands and serve dinners. At some of the dinners, he would have Lance do some combat practice in front of everyone, glowing for all to see. A few times he even fought in the arena.

It made Keith sick.

Lance was not some...some toy for Lotor to parade around and show off to his friends. To essentially be a slave, however much Felis gushed about how much they were paying him and how great the accommodations were. Keith had seen these ‘accommodations’. They were enormous, yes, and the bed did look comfy, but it had no decorations, no life. Lance was the kind of person who would cover every spare inch of wall with pictures of his friends, paintings of the ocean, posters from his favorite movies. And there were no windows and the only door led straight into Lotor’s room and was always locked.

Finally they got to the scuffle between Lance and Keith. It was so surreal, watching himself as he appeared to Lance. It felt...wrong. His face looked off. For the first time, Keith actually looked away. He didn’t need to watch this - he knew how it ended.

Coran turned it off after that. They all knew what happened next. They’d all lived it. For a few moments, they just stared at the container of memories in front of them. Hunk was crying. Pidge and Coran, both with hands patting his shoulders, looked like they were about to join him. Keith looked like the next person who looked at him wrong was going to get punched in the face. Allura had her mouth open in shock. Shiro simply looked defeated.

“We failed him,” Shiro finally said.

“Coran,” Pidge began, straightening her glasses. Her voice was thick with unshed tears, “Can I get a copy of Lance’s memories? I want to look through his time with the Galra to see if we can find out anything useful.”

Coran nodded by Shiro didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Pidge looked at him with a fierceness that he didn’t see often in her usually cheerful face. “I will not let what he went through be in vain,” she answered. “And maybe I can figure out what was in those shots they were giving him.” She took the datapad that Coran handed her and stalked off.

“I’ll go make sure she’s okay,” Hunk said before taking off after her.

Keith turned and jogged up to him. “Wait, I’m coming with you.” He slowed to a walk next to Hunk. “I’m going to look, too.” He didn’t know how much help he would be in trying to figure out what they did to Lance’s body, but maybe he could catch some details they didn’t.

. . . . .

They holed up in the meeting lounge with three datapads and continued scanning through for anything they could find and at a slower speed than they’d been watching before while Shiro, and then Allura and Coran, did their shifts watching over Lance.

They lost track of time.

The three of them jumped when the door opened next to them. “You guys are still here?” Shiro poked his head into the room. Coran and Allura were behind him. “We went to find Hunk and Keith for their shift but your rooms were empty. Aren’t you tired? You’ve been here for hours.” He didn’t want to admit that the only reason he hadn’t come to join them earlier was because Allura had practically dragged him away to sleep after his overnight watch was over.

"There's too much to do to be tired," Pidge objected, although she subconsciously rubbed her eyes to force them to stay open.

Shiro nodded. "Okay, yeah. I'll believe that if you can lay down in a bed for ten minutes without falling asleep."

Keith glared at him. "We're not little kids with a bed time," he argued. "You can't just ground us and send us to our rooms."

"I can't," Shiro agreed. "But Allura, Coran, and I can drag you out of here by force if we have to. You don't look like you'd be able to put up much of a fight right now." Keith grumbled under his breath but didn't give any more trouble than that. "Go."

"But what about Keith and I's watch," Hunk reminded him.

Allura shook her head. "Get some rest, Hunk. Coran and I can continue our watch until you've had a chance to nap at least. We'll come get you in a couple hours to take over. A little bit longer won't hurt us."

"And I can take over for one of you if it gets to be too much. I've already had some sleep." Shiro gestured pointedly at the door. "Go, before I make you."

"Yes, dad," Pidge mumbled as she stood up, datapad tucked under her arm.

"No can do," Coran said as she passed him, reaching out and snatching the datapad from her. "No more research for you until you've had several solid vargas of restful sleep." He handed the tablet to Shiro. "You can have it back when it's your turn to keep watch."

Pidge scrunched up her face and stuck her tongue out at him before being ushered out by Hunk, who was also dragging Keith out of the room. He seemed about as eager as she was to go back to the loneliness of their rooms.

When they got to the bedroom wing of the castle, Pidge stopped and turned to face the boys. “Do you think we could...I don’t know...have something like, like a sleepover or something,” she floundered, looking at her shoes. “I guess I just...I don’t really want to be alone right now.” The thought of being alone in a dark, quiet room with only her thoughts was too much.

Hunk picked up on it right away. “Yeah! We could get all the blankets and pillows we can find and make a nest in my room. It’ll be just like what Lance and me used to do with all his younger siblings.”

Keith didn’t know if that sounded as comfortable as Hunk made it seem, but he didn’t want to be by himself either. “Sounds good to me.”

Hunk nodded decisively. “Great! You guys go get into your pajamas and we’ll meet in my room.” He grinned sheepishly. “It’s probably the cleanest. I know Pidge’s isn’t. Not even close.”

Pidge just shrugged. That was fair. She had the components and plans for at least seven different projects scattered around her room, plus whatever she had collected from the different planets they’d landed on that might be used for future projects, and a couple of those adorable scavenger fluffballs.

Keith thought about being offended, but then he remembered that he had a week and a half’s worth of clothes in haphazard piles around his room. He stayed quiet. “Your room, then.”


	17. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance or Felis?
> 
> Felis or Lance?

Chapter 15

Felis remembered getting into the sleep pod and remembered waking up again, now back in his cell, lying on his cot, but with no idea how much time passed between the two. Not that it mattered. He doubted at this point that he’d easily be able to return to being Lotor’s favorite pet weapon. Lotor knew that he wasn’t a ride-or-die Galra supporter and would suspect him of telling the Paladins all he knew. Which, fair. He’d done exactly that. Since Lotor was going to suspect him of telling everything, Felis might as well actually do it and gain a little bit of the Paladin’s trust at the same time.

As he saw it, right here in the “enemy” castle was the safest place for him to be.

The Paladins had made it clear that he was too much like their friend, either dead or missing, so they at least wouldn’t get rid of him until that was either proved or disproved with at least some degree of certainty. He couldn’t even say for sure if it was one way or the other.

Could he actually be their friend, this Lance?

Or had he always been Felis?

It’s not like he could remember anything from before he’d started training with that group of Galra soldiers. He’d clearly had some combat training since he already had the muscle memory to work a gun and seemed to just naturally be a good shot, leagues above the others training with him. He’d figured he’d been in the military or something, but Paladin of Voltron? That was a little far fetched. It seemed ridiculous, and at first he’d laughed at the idea without a second thought. But then these guys continued along as if he was this ‘Lance’ with so much confidence, so he couldn’t help stopping to look again.

Was he Lance or was he Felis?

Was he a legendary hero or a Galra lackey?

Was he important or was he a pet?

Logically, he would want to be important, a hero. Maybe an anti-hero, he corrected himself, tapping his finger against his chin and contemplating the moral implications of killing twenty-three people. At least from what he could remember. Had Lance killed anyone?

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the rest of his...captors? Rescuers? Friends? Whatever. They came to join Big Guy and Mullet Man, who had been watching him since he first woke up. Once they were all there, they turned around together to look at him.

It was kinda creepy.

The warmth in their faces when they looked at him was making him uncomfortable. “So...” he drawled, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of his bed. “Did you find what you were looking for? Am I the messiah you were anxiously awaiting?” He wiggled his eyebrows at them. He couldn’t help it. Mullet Man and The Princess made the funnies scrunched-up faces when he made a joke. And considering how dull and unresponsive the Galra’d be when he told them a joke, even an annoyed audience was better than a dead one.

“Technically, yes,” the Little Nerd one answered, stepping as close to the force field between them as she could. “While we weren’t awaiting any messiahs, we did find what we were looking for.” She had a little half-grin as she said it that was endearing to him. For now, she’d be his favorite.

Felis leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees, interested despite himself. “And?”

Lance or Felis?

Friend or enemy?

Which one did he even want it to be?

Was he ready for the disappointment if he wasn’t who they thought? Was he ready for the expectations if he was?

They’d want him to be the person he was before, the person they knew and loved. He didn’t know if he could do that. He didn’t know if he could be that for them.

“The DNA tests Coran did were right,” Pidge continued. “Something’s blocking you from accessing them, but Lance’s memories are definitely in your head somewhere.”

Felis...no, Lance’s stomach did a flip. He had to lay back against the wall and close his eyes to keep from throwing up.

He never did figure out which option would have been better.

“So...what are you going to do about it?” He asked, trying to keep the shakiness out of his voice. He may have been an assassin, but this was too much. He was way out of his comfort zone. They were all staring at him with faces overflowing with...was that love? He wanted to make a joke but couldn’t think of one, for once. It probably wouldn’t have been as funny as he thought, anyways.

With one swift thought, he realized he’d kind of rather stay Felis. These people were looking at him like he was their prodigal son while he felt...nothing. He didn’t know these people. They weren’t his teammates, his friends. If he said he had affection for anyone, it would be Lotor, but Lotor was more of a sugar daddy to him than a brother. 

“Lance, are you okay?” Lance looked up to see Sexy Panda standing much closer than he should have been able to. A quick glance showed him that the force field was down and Sexy Panda was up close and concerned. How long had he been spacing out?

“I know this must be a shock to you, but we promise to help you get your memories back, no matter what,” the Moustache King said brightly.

If they were going to force him to go through with this nonsense for sure now, maybe he should actually bother to learn their actual names.

Or maybe not.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” He asked, a little bit of panic finally reaching his voice as the implications of what they’d discovered were finally fully sinking into his soul.

He wasn’t Lance, he was Felis.

He wasn’t Felis, he was Lance.

He technically had an exit if he wanted to run away since the force field was down.

“You do,” Mullet Man said, running a hand through his hair. “You do get a choice. We’d never...never force you to do what we want.” He looked up and caught Felis’s gaze. “We hope you’ll decide to at least try to come back to us, though.”

Lance held his eyes for a long, slow minute. Here, in this moment, he could see why this guy was made a leader. Even Felis could tell from his short stay with them that Sexy Panda looked more like a natural-born leader. He had it in the way he stood and carried himself, in the confidence radiating from his aura. Mullet Man didn’t have that kind of inherent charisma, but he had something else just as important in the long run: selfless determination. No matter what, that mullet would get his whole team out, even at the cost of his own life.

And that was being directed at Felis, at Lance.

He didn’t know what to do with that kind of a gift. It wasn’t something he was supposed to parade around in, in front of Lotor’s guest. It was something personal, something emotional. 

He didn’t deserve their love.

He had killed twenty-three people.

He wondered vaguely how the old him would feel about that. Based on Lance’s friends, it wouldn’t be warm, fuzzy feelings, that was for sure. He shook his head, using the movement to drag himself back into the present.

Sexy Panda..no...Shiro? Shiro put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Take some time to process. Being told things with no memories to call on to prove or disprove them...it’s hard. I know that more than you remember. I’m still fighting to fill in all the blank spots from my time with the Galra. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but we’d like you to try, when you’re ready.

“Oh, yeah,” Lance mumbled, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. “Nothing like trying to claw through a block in your memories to brighten your day and put a spring in your step.” Pidge, Keith, Hunk, and Coran snorted with laughter while Allura scrunched up her face in disappointment and Shiro just sighed like he was a hundred years old and had six hundred grandchildren running around him while their parents drank the open bar at the family reunion.

Lance had a sudden feeling that he didn’t make that up from nothing, but that he was drawing on experiences of his own. It terrified him.

What if he remembered?

What if he never did?

What if all he ever got was vague inclinations like he’d just had?

While his train of thought was running right off a cliff, Keith had come up to pat his shoulder. “Never change, Lance. Unless that change is to get your memories back,” he added quickly before turning to go.

“We’ll let you be so you can have time to think through what you’re feeling,” Shiro explained.

Moustache King...Coran...nodded. “We’re not going to put the force field back up, so you can come find us when you’re ready. However I will let you know that we’ve temporarily locked down all the doors to get outside the Castle. Just as a precaution, of course, until you get some of your memories back.”

He was a flight risk. That wasn’t a surprise. They’d never get their friend back if the man currently piloting said friend took his meat suit and hit the road.

“We’ll be right above you in the dining room, or next to that in the lounge, when you feel like coming by,” The Big Guy, Hunk, said before they all turned to leave.

It seemed absurdly optimistic that he would be ready to go just hang out with everyone in a timely enough manner that they’d still be hanging around in the same place. Lance could have said as much but instead just watched them walk down the hall, leaving him face-to-face with his new relative freedom.

He could technically still run, but it seemed like they’d prepared for that. They could still see too much Felis in him to let him run completely free. That was understandable. He was right there, debating with himself on whether he should try to run or not.

Logically, he shouldn’t.

Even if he couldn’t remember them, these people claimed to be his friends, which meant that he had less of a chance of death staying here. Also, if Lotor attacked, they’d probably try and protect him. Even if he never got his memories back, being protected by a giant robot made out of slightly smaller robot lions was a pretty cushy gig, as much as it was also really weird to put into a full sentence. Sure, it wasn’t the ‘rich and glamorous’ lifestyle of being Lotor’s favorite, but the castle wasn’t so bad. Even his bed, meant for prisoners, was decent to lie on. 

It didn’t really feel like home, though.

Neither did Lotor’s ship, to be fair. He’d always felt out of place there, the only full human among Galra and half-Galra. Not that anyone would have said anything to him about. All he had to do was glare at someone he thought was talking about him behind his back and they’d stop, assuming they’d be the next target. Really, he wouldn’t have touched them unless Lotor specifically told him to, but having a reputation was nice. Effective, even.

But it wasn’t home.

Home was a place with people you cared about and people who cared about you. He was at least halfway there here. The people here cared for him. Now he just had to work on the first part. 

That started with getting his memories back.

He wasn’t going to lie, that scared him to pieces like nothing had for a long time. While he was on Lotor’s ship, he’d fallen into a routine. Go on a mission, kill someone, come back, parade around a bit. If he got killed on a mission, eh, oh well. Lotor might miss him like someone would miss a useful tool that broke, but no one would really have cared or mourned him. Not really. Here, though. Here there were people that he could disappoint if he failed.

He needed a nap. A long one. So long a nap that it could actually be considered going to sleep instead of just taking a nap. Or maybe a medically-induced coma. That sounded nice, too. Either way, he needed to shut his eyes for a while and escape from his thoughts for just a few hours.

Just a little bit of rest and then he’d be ready.

Ready for what, he wasn’t quite sure. He’d leave that up to the rest of the gang. They were the ones who wanted his memories back so badly. Well, he wanted them back, too, but since he literally didn’t know what he was missing, he wasn’t quite as desperate as the others.

Lance lay back on his bed, closing his eyes. Just a nap, that was all.

He was out in seconds.


	18. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felis/Lance wanders around the Castle, talking to each member of team Voltron and maybe figuring out something about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little late guys! Honestly, I just forgot. To be fair, though, I had to be at work at 5am, so I think I deserve a little slack.

Even though he had only spent a couple days in there, it felt weird to leave his room and roam the castle. At least he kind of knew what to expect there. Out in the rest of the castle, he could run into something he didn’t want to see, like one of the Voltron Paladins.

His stomach rumbled as he wandered, but he pushed it aside. He didn’t know where the kitchen was anyways.

The castle was beautiful. High, sweeping ceilings. Everything cast in the pale blue light coming from the wall sconces. They were pretty dim, so it must still be pretty early. Good, maybe no one else would be awake yet. He didn’t know if he was ready to face anyone yet. He still felt so confused. Long white hallways. Everything was so…pure. He felt suddenly out of place. He was the opposite of pure and good.

Some part of him seemed to remember where things were because he was wandering, thinking about how hungry he was, when he happened on the kitchen. He was halfway to the food dispenser, which looked suspiciously like a hose, when he realized that he wasn’t alone, despite how early it must have been.

Time is relative in space, anyway.

“You don’t want that,” the Little Nerd, Pidge, called from her place at the table. “I don’t know what you ate while you were with the Galra, but food goo is rough and you’ve forgotten all your conditioning to like it. I’ll heat you up something Hunk made yesterday.”

“Sure, okay.” He said, trying to sound normal and not like his whole body was vibrating with nervous energy. Food goo sounded a bit too weird for him right now, anyways. He moved to sit across the table from her while she hunted around for a plate. “I usually ate whatever Lotor and his generals were having with their guests, so I’m sure I’m used to some pretty cushy food,” he admitted.

Pidge’s eyes grew wide as she set a plate of hot food in front of him, which smelled good although it was still an unsettling green. “So you were pretty important.”

Lance shrugged. “He liked to show me off. Mostly for intimidation.” He took a bite. It wasn’t half bad. Hunk was the Big Guy? He could really cook. “Sometimes, if he thought his guests needed a little extra fear to do what he wanted them to, he’d have me get up and do a combat demonstration.” He grinned at her. “I’m told the glow is very disorienting.”

She snorted. “I can say from experience, yes. I’ve only seen it on security cameras and that was bad enough.” She leaned towards him, eyes shining with curiosity. “How does that work by the way?”

Lance thought for a moment, chewing slowly. It had been a while since he’d thought about it. Since it had been there since before his memories started, so it was just part of his, Felis's 'normal.' “Well,” he began. “From what I remember of it being explained to me, there are nanobots in my bloodstream that can travel to any part of my body and...make it better, I guess. I can use them to run faster, jump higher, see better. Whatever I need.”

Past Lance was wrong in thinking that Pidge had looked excited. When he said that, he saw what true excitement looked like on her face. “The nanobots under your skin glow such a bright blue that you can see it that clearly? Also, why blue?”

Lance stabbed a couple pieces of something egg-like with his fork. “Yes and I don’t know,” he replied. “I asked once but Lotor just laughed and walked away. I didn’t care enough to ask again.”

“Shame. And they gave you medicine? For what?”

“I’m not...entirely sure,” he admitted. “Something about how the heat from the nanobots is burning the inside layer of my veins? I don’t really know the science of it. It does kind of hurt though.” If ‘kind of’ really meant ‘a lot’ and ‘hurt’ meant ‘the constant burning under his skin.’

Pidge winced and readjusted her glasses. “It’s true that technology often produces a lot of heat. If they’re in your blood stream, they might be hard to get out.”

Lance shook his head in shock. “Why would I want to get rid of them? They’re so useful.”

“Um, because they cause you constant pain?” She pointed out. “And they’re a constant reminder of what you went through.” She sighed. “Well, we’ll see how you feel when you get your memories back.”

“If I get them back,” Lance reminded her.

She just smiled. “You think we’re going to stop until you do?”

Lance groaned. He couldn’t help it. She had a twinkle in her eye that was both scary and endearing. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” She just laughed.

They ate together in silence until Pidge had to leave. “Sorry! I have research to do.” Lance suspected it was probably something relating to his memories or his nanobots. She’d been crazy interested at the mention of them. He got up with her, done eating as well, but when she turned left, he started walking to the right. Not with anywhere particular in mind, although if he happened on the training room like he had on the kitchen, that would be nice. He could use the exercise. He walked through the halls, fascinated by the blue light around him, which was significantly brighter now than it had been before he went into the kitchen.

He shouldn’t have doubted his muscle memory, which seemed to still be working great. All he had to do was realize where he wanted to go and his body would find it for him. After a few minutes of walking, he found the training room. And, bonus, it was empty. After his conversation with Pidge, he wanted a little time to sort through his thoughts.

Did he want the nanobots gone?

They certainly were useful. Even if he got his memories back, he didn’t know if he’d want to get rid of them. They were getting increasingly more painful, though. Pidge seemed smart. Maybe she could at least make it so that they didn’t make him feel like his whole body was being constantly stabbed by lit cigarettes from the inside. That would be nice.

He walked up to a console off to one side of the room and saw what must have been a series of training exercises. While he couldn’t read Altean like he could Galran, a lot of it was similar in the way Spanish was similar to English or French. And, if he really needed them, there were pictures to fill in where his knowledge of the language was lacking.

This wasn’t really a good place for sniper training - too small a room. He selected one that looked like a hand-to-hand combat drill and went to stand in the middle of the room, stripping off his overcoat and tossing it to the side so that he wouldn’t have to worry about the hood getting in the way. He’d trained with it before, of course, to get used to fighting with it, but that wasn’t necessary for what he wanted to do now.

The first level was way too easy. Fighting against one enemy was nothing, and it didn’t seem to be on a very high difficulty. It wasn’t even enough for him to need his nanobot abilities. It wasn’t until he got to level seven and had to fight ten enemies at once did he start to draw on his enhancements, pulling the blue glow up under his skin. He could feel them always, a simmering burn under his skin. If he focused on that pain, he could pull it forward to the surface, increasing the pain but also enhancing his skills.

He didn’t know how long he was there, lost to the movement of his body and the targets around him. When he finally stopped, he was breathing heavily and sweating but feeling better than he had in days.

It wasn’t until he went over to the console to turn the program off that he noticed someone was watching. Shiro, Mr. Sexy Panda himself, was walking over to meet him. “That was impressive,” he said when he got close enough. “Last time I saw you train, you were the best shot on the team for sure, but you could barely do the first five levels of hand-to-hand.” He held out a water bottle and Lance took it gratefully and drained half of it.

Handing it back, Lance grabbed a towel from a nearby rack and used it to wipe the sweat from his forehead. “Yeah, well, when you train with a bunch of Galra, you learn pretty quickly to dodge a punch and fight back. Someone could drop a fork on the ground and start a fight back there. Know that from experience.”

Shiro looked at him with an odd look that was combination of admiration and guilt.

“What?” Lance asked, making a last pass over his face and neck before dunking the towel into a nearby basket. At least, he hoped that’s what it was for.

Shiro sighed. “You shouldn’t have had to go through all that.”

“Well, I did,” Lance stated simply. “Why, do you think you could have prevented it?”

Shiro shook his head. “I...no. I guess not,” he admitted. “I wasn’t on-planet with you guys.”

“Then don’t worry about it,” Lance replied like it was that easy. He tugged at his undershirt. The fabric was incredibly breathable and usually didn’t bother him, but even it couldn’t stand up to the workout he’d just done. He really needed a change of clothes. “Shiro,” he started carefully, picking up his overshirt, “Where is Lance’s...my room?” There had to be a change of clothes there that would fit him. They were his clothes, after all.

Shiro straightened, weird look gone now that he’d been distracted by a task. “I can show you,” he said. “All our rooms are pretty close to here. You should probably know where they are anyways, in case you need any of us. And it will probably be more comfortable than where you are now.” He started leading the way out of the room.

“I don’t know,” Lance said, following him. “That wasn’t too bad for a prison bed. If there isn’t a literal cloud in that room for me to sleep on, I’m going to be sorely disappointed.”

Shiro choked on a laugh, surprised by the statement. What? The Galra had taken his memories, not his stunningly hilarious personality. “Prepare for disappointment then.”

“Darn.”

They moved through the castle, Shiro telling him what was in each room as they passed them. “And this is your room,” he announced as they stepped in front of a doorway. “I’m right across the hall and Pidge and Hunk are just a little further down.” He moved out of the way so Lance could go first.

Lance paused with his hand hovering over the pad that would open the door. He wanted answers about who he had been, but now that he was here, he was nervous. Once he opened this door the mystery would be gone. What if he didn’t like what he found on the other side? Would he feel nothing or would he feel connected to the things of his past self?

Shiro waited patiently behind him, not pushing him to go in but letting him be ready in his own time. The guy should get an award or something. He was practically screaming out an ‘older brother’ vibe.

Lance took a deep breath. He was tempted to turn around, go back to his cell. Tempted to decide he wasn’t ready for this. But no. He had to do this at some point.

He’d faced down worse things than one stupid door.

Before he could reconsider just leaving, he pressed his hand to the pad and the door opened.

Whatever he had tried to prepare himself for on the other side, it wasn’t this mess of a room. There were zero clothes in the closet. He doubted there were any in the drawers under the bed, either. It looked like everything was just thrown wherever had been the most convenient at the time, namely a large pile at the end of his bed. Everywhere that wasn’t covered in clothes had become home to a variety of trinkets and random items, including the closet that should have been full of clothes.

“Mementos, I think,” Shiro laughed as he stepped into the room behind Lance. “As for clothes...I think the ones at the foot of your bed are the clean ones. You may want to ask Pidge, though. You two hung out a lot, so she’d probably know better than me.”

Lance nodded, going over to pick through the probably-clean clothes. He found a grey-blue t-shirt that didn’t look too wrinkly and a pair of jeans. He threw them on the bed with a shrug. Good enough.

“I’m going to leave you to it,” Shiro said, turning to leave. “I’ll be right across the hall if you need me.”

Lance nodded again. Then, “Shiro?” He called. Shiro, about to shut the door, looked over his shoulder. “Thanks.”

Shiro broke out into the first genuine smile Lance had seen from him yet. “No problem, Lance. Let me know if you need anything else. If not, someone will stop by to let you know when it’s time for dinner.” And he was gone.

Lance stripped off his tank top and pants and threw them into a probably-dirty pile by the door before putting on the outfit he’d picked out. He threw his boots at the closet, his socks to the door, and dug around for something to replace them. Socks, tennis shoes, perfect. Put those on.

Fully dressed, he toured the room, looking at all the junk he’d collected. Most of it did seem like junk, too. Different colored rocks, some scraps of metal, a toy that looked kind of like a yo-yo. He found a book entirely in Altean that had a bunch of plants carefully pressed and preserved between the pages. A tub full of yarn and assorted knitted things and tools. As he passed each item, he tried desperately to use it as a jumping-off point to get some memories back. While he could feel a connection to each item, each one feeling familiar to him, he couldn’t bring up any specifics.

It was infuriating. All of this stuff had meant something to him, once upon a time, but he could no longer say why. He frowned into the mirror he found. The skin at his temple was still wrinkly and burned-looking. That scar would probably always be there.

“Hey buddy, how you feeling?” A voice said from his doorway. He turned to see the Big Guy, Hunk, leaning into his open door. He hadn’t realized that it hadn’t closed behind Shiro.

Lance set down the little glass kitten-like figurine that he’d been looking at. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“That’s fair,” Hunk said, taking a step into the room. “Well, I just saw that your door was open and I was heading to the library and I was thinking hey, maybe Lance would like to go with me. It could give you something to do. You know, if you’re bored.”

Lance nodded before Hunk could ramble any more. “That would be great.” He was basically done here. Clearly he wasn’t going to get his memories back just by wishing for them. “What do you need in the library?”

Hunk smiled sheepishly. “I was actually going to do research on amnesia, see if the Alteans know anything we don’t. Pidge and I have been learning the language, at least how to read it.”

Lance didn’t know how he felt about that. Not about the language thing, that was cool. About the research. It still felt a little strange to have friends. To have people who cared what happened to him. Well, Lotor had cared in the same way one wouldn’t want something to happen to a favorite pet or really nice ship. Loved but also very, very replaceable.

“Let’s go then,” he said, forcing a little smile. Going to the library was a better option than sitting in his room, sulking. He walked past Hunk into the hallway and turned left, letting his feet carry him. They knew what they were doing, at least. Hunk jogged to catch up, falling into step beside him.

While they walked, Hunk chatted about a new recipe he wanted to try with this vegetable he’d found that looked like an onion but actually tasted kind of like cinnamon, about an old Earth satellite that they’d found floating through space that he was fixing up to see what info it had on it, about his plans to make a trip to the Balmera to see how it and Shay were doing. Lance did nothing to add to the one-sided conversation, but he didn’t feel like he needed to. Hunk seemed perfectly happy to keep talking and all Lance had to do was look interested and nod at appropriate moments.

“Think you can help me find these books?” Hunk asked when they got to the library. He was holding a piece of paper with a bunch of roughly drawn Altean letters on it.

“Sure.” Lance pushed on the pad to open the door and stepped in.

Turns out the library was a giant circular room with extremely thin...not really books with pages but more like tablets with covers, on every inch of wall that wasn’t the door.

“They should all be over here,” Hunk called from off to his left.

Lance started to walk over, but his eye was caught by something he recognized. “That’s Galran,” he said, pointing to one of the tablets. “Plants and Animals of Xantan V.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of Galra books here. Wait,” Hunk added when he finally processed what Lance said. “You can read Galran?”

Lance shrugged. “Sure. I was with them for months. I was bound to pick some stuff up.”

“Right, right.” Hunk dug through his pockets. “It’s just...there were some books I wanted to look at, but they were in Galran, not Altean, but they looked really promising.” He pulled a crumpled paper out and handed it to Lance. “Mind looking at these? I wrote them down in case I couldn’t find anything in the Altean books. Figured I could, I don’t know, find an alphabet and see what I could do. But you could do it way, way, way faster than me.”

Lance glanced down at the list in his hand. They were all books about memory, some scientific and some based in druid magic. “What am I looking for?”

“Anything that might help get your memory back,” Hunk replied. “I was just going to take notes on whatever I could find and talk it over with Coran later. He’s going to come join us whenever he’s done in the medbay. He’s looking at the cryopod data from when you were in there.”

Lance looked at the list again, taking in the titles and trying to decide which one would be the most promising place to start. He had literally no idea. Might as well start at the top, then. He went over to where Hunk was standing and picked up the first tablet-book, a volume about druid experiments with memory alteration, and scrolled down to the table of contents. It looked like the book was mostly about changing specific memories, not taking them away completely, but there were a couple chapters that might have something useful. He jumped down to one of those.

As he started scanning the pages, his nanobot buddies shook themselves awake to strengthen his eyes and sharpen his mind, making him able to read faster and process more information. It gave him a soft glow, not nearly as strong as combat but still visible. He could feel Hunk staring, but to Hunk’s credit he said nothing.

They read together for a couple hours in peaceful silence. Hunk’s aura was calm, relaxing, friendly. It was an easy presence for him to be in. His eyes were starting to droop. Lance stretched, letting his glow dim and his eyes and brain go back to their natural state.

“You doing alright, buddy?” Hunk asked, putting his own tablet down.

“I think I just need to move around some,” Lance admitted. Activating the nanobots gave him hyperfocus, which was great when you had a task that needed to be finished quickly and efficiently, but it also meant that his world narrowed down to that one task and he’d forget that he needed to eat, sleep, move. His breathing would slow down and his heart would almost stop, like Juliet from Shakespeare. Which was great for being an assassin but not so great for his muscles, which had cramped up something awful.

“Why don’t you go for a walk and see what’s taking Coran so long?” Hunk suggested. “He should have shown up by now.”

Lance nodded as he put the tablet he’d been reading back. “Here,” he said, handing Hunk the notes he’d taken so far. “Where did you say he was again?”

“Oh, he’s just in medbay. Here,” Hunk replied as he pulled down another tablet. He gave some quick directions to the medbay.

“Cool, I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be here.”

Lance headed out at a slow walk, letting the feeling return to his neglected limbs. It must have been getting late. The lights in the castle were programmed to dim to mimmick nightfall, although they weren’t quite all the way down to that soft glow, barely even there, that signified evening.

He followed Hunk’s directions down to the medbay where he found Coran leaning towards a computer screen, watching some levels change and taking notes.

“Hey,” Lance said when he was right behind Coran.

Coran jumped in his chair with a screech. “Oh, Lance, you scared me.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Lance replied with a smile. “Although, could you shriek like that again? I want to record it so I can play it while the rest are in battle. I think it would really give Voltron an edge.”

Coran laughed. “As quiet as you walk now? I’m sure it will happen again. What did you need?”

“Hunk said you were supposed to research memory stuff with him. I was helping and he sent me to see if you were coming.”

Coran looked at a clock beside him. “Quiznak. Just let me jot this down and I’ll be right there.”

“Can you let him know I’m going to go for a walk?” Lance asked. “I was supposed to come back with you, but I think I need some time to myself.”

Coran looked concerned and a little confused, but he nodded. “Alright Number 3. Just be careful.”

Lance smiled. “I promise I’ll only step out of an airlock if there’s someone cute on the other side.” That sounded like a Lance-like thing to say. Maybe.

Coran chuckled. “Alright,” he said. “You know where to find me if you need me.” He patted Lance’s shoulder on his way past.

Just before he passed through the doorway, he turned back, his mind latching on to something odd. “Coran? Why did you call me Number 3?”

He smiled back, but Lance still caught the flash of sadness in his eyes. “When you all first arrived, I ranked you by height. Didn’t really think at that point I’d have to learn your names. After that, it just kind of stuck.”

Lance left a few seconds later, picking a direction and going. He didn’t have a destination in mind, just a general ‘not back to his room.’ It was so surreal, walking around a place that he should know, and some part of him kind of did, but nothing looked familiar. There were no memories associated with any of the rooms or halls. It felt...empty.

Eventually he found himself all the way at the front of the ship, stepping onto the bridge. Someone was already there, standing in the middle and watching space go past.

Allura turned when the door closed behind him. “Lance! How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” Lance replied. “You’re...Allura, right?”

She smiled and nodded, although there was a flash of sadness that passed over her face. “That’s correct! Was there something you needed?”

Lance shook his head. “I was just wandering. Couldn’t figure out where I wanted to be.”

“Well, you don’t remember where your favorite places were, so that’s not unreasonable,” Allura replied. “Might I suggest the observatory? It’s just down the hall, and you used to spend a lot of your free time there.”

“I think I will,” Lance said, turning. “Thanks, Allura.”

“Anytime, Lance. Don’t stay out too long. Dinner should be ready soon.”

He made his way down the hall to the observatory. He walked in and saw why Allura directed him here. It was beautiful. The room was rounded, sticking out of the ship a little, and all possible wall and ceiling space. There was almost no light in the room, so the stars shone even brighter. However, the lack of light almost made it so that he almost didn’t see the figure sitting in front of the window. Fortunately, his eyes had always been good, so they caught the shift of the slight shadow.

“Hello?” He called out, not sure who the shadow belonged to.

“Lance.” It was Keith’s voice. He didn’t sound surprised. “Did you need something?”

Lance came and sat down next to Keith, pulling his knees up and resting his cheek on them. “Maybe? I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s just...everyone keeps calling me Lance, but I still feel like Felis. I don’t feel like I belong here.”

“You do,” Keith promised, patting his shoulder. “Once we figure out how to get your memories back, you’ll remember that.”

Lance grunted. He didn’t know if he believed that. But there was no point in debating it. Instead, he switched to putting his chin on his knees so he could look out the window. “There’s just...so much space,” he said, a little dreamily. Galra ships never had windows like this. Space was just something between point A and point B that needed to be traveled through quickly. It wasn’t a thing of beauty to observe and admire.

“Yeah.” Keith switched his focus from Lance to the window. They sat together for a long time, not speaking, just watching. It was the most relaxed Lance had felt in all of his accessible memory.

Maybe, everything might turn out alright.


	19. Not a Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little update on me and what's going on.

Hey guys! Sorry I've been kinda MIA recently. A lot's been going on and I haven't been able to really work on chapters for a while. And it might be a little while still. I'm looking for a new job and dealing with some family issues. I'm sorry to do this to you all so close to the end, but I need to look after my life and my mental well being ahead of everything else. I really do apologize though. This is just a little hiatus while I get my shit back together. Everything is written, but there are some holes that I need to fill in before I feel comfortable posting the chapters.

Again I'm really sorry, you guys. I hope at least a few of you stick with it, because I have some cool extras coming, like an alternate ending and an insight into what happen with Lance while he was gone. I promise it won't be too long. I hope to have something up by the end of the month.

Thanks for being understanding, if you're leaning that way. If you aren't going to be understanding, fuck you but also I forgive you.

\- Kethri


	20. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance still doesn't have his memories back, so he does something risky and a little bit dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Yes, 'tis I, the absent author. I've been going through a bit of a rough patch both in life and in my brain but I'm back now. I was going to post this tomorrow so it would come out on my regular day and I could get back to some semblance of a schedule for the last few chapters, but I had it done and I haven't posted in forever, so I figured I'd just put it out. Hopefully it was worth the wait!

As Lance woke up in his room the next morning, surrounded by things that felt familiar and at the same time disconnected, he could feel himself beginning to understand. He could see why the old Lance would have called these people his family. It was the fact that he couldn’t now that was bothering him. He could tell there was so much history there and he hated it.

He made his way slowly to the kitchen and met Allura on the way. “Oh, hello Lance.”

“Allura.”

She turned so that they could walk together. “I was actually just coming to fetch you. Hunk made breakfast and didn’t want you to miss out. He called them pancakes and he thinks he’s made something similar to Earth ‘syrup’ but he’s not quite sure.”

He may not have been able to remember any of his friends or what his life like was on Earth, but for some reason he could remember pancakes. And he was hungry for them. “Thanks, Allura.”

They continued walking. After a long moment, Lance said, “So, do you guys have a plan for getting my memories back or…”

Allura winced. “We were hoping they were just going to come back naturally after you spent some time here and with us. They still might.”

Lance stopped short. Allura stopped a few paces ahead of him and turned back. “That could take a long time,” he said.

“It…could,” Allura admitted. “We felt like it would be the safest route for your psyche. The damage that must have been caused to get you to forget like that would be terrifying, plus the addition of magic.”

“But you have thought of a faster way,” Lance prodded, still not moving. Allura hesitated. “Allura, I don’t want to wander around for months, useless because I can’t bond with a team I don’t remember.”

Allura sighed and looked down at the floor. “The quickest way to get your memories back would probably be to simply show them to you. We have them from when you were in the chamber downstairs. It might trigger your memories, but it might also shut you down.”

“I want to do it,” Lance said, almost before she could even finish her sentence. Allura opened her mouth but Lance cut her off. “I hate that you all look at me like I’m a close friend, like we’re family, but I can’t remember any of it. I hate that there’s this chunk of my life that’s just a black hole in my brain. I want to remember or I want to leave.”

Allura looked at him for a long moment. She could see in his eyes that he really would leave if they couldn’t fix this, and soon. “Let’s go get some breakfast and then…and then we’ll try.”  
. . . . .

“We didn’t want to try to trigger your memories this way,” Allura explained as she led him into their lounge...meeting room...place. “It could be too much of a shock, but we’re running out of ideas.”

“I couldn’t really find anything concrete in Lance and I’s research, either,” Hunk added.

Lance sat on one of the couches and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Shiro walked up and put a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to do this. We can keep looking for another way.”

Lance shook his head. Was he scared? Of course. He didn’t know how he would feel while watching his missing memories like a movie, and at the very least it would be surreal. But...

He wanted to know.

At first, he hadn’t cared. He’d felt, like always, as if he emotions had just...been removed. Switched off. It didn’t matter to him if he was here or with Lotor. But then he’d started talking to the others here and he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person he had to have been to have people like them as his friends. Whoever it was, they were very different from Felis.

So who was Lance?

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Shiro replied. He didn’t look convinced, though. In fact, the whole room seemed on edge.

Lance took a deep breath. “I’m sure.” He uncurled his legs and sat up straighter. “Let’s do this.”

Pidge nodded and turned on a nearby screen. “I looked at some of the psychology research that Hunk and Lance had done and I think the best thing to try first would be the last thing that happened before your memory loss. If that doesn’t work...I guess we’ll just start going back in time. Something has to trigger your memories.”

“And if not, I’ll still know a lot more about myself,” Lance nodded. “Sounds simple enough.” He turned his eyes to the screen. “I’m ready.”

He wasn’t ready.

Pidge turned the screen on and Lance saw what must have been the inside of the blue lion. He watched himself fall, get knocked out, wake up, leave Blue.

He still didn’t feel any different.

Next was the fight with Ezor and his capture. Felis scoffed in the back of his mind. If Lance had been stronger, he could have resisted Ezor and gone to save his friends. Felis would never have let himself get kidnapped by a lackey.

The Galra ship, the arena. While Felis was picking his nails clean in the back of his mind, Lance watched with wide eyes, anticipation coursing through him.

What would Lance do?

It dawned on him moments before it actually happened. He knew what Lance, what the old Lance would do.

Anything to keep his friends safe.

Past Lance had the gun in his hands and Present Lance wanted to shrink back into his skin. He was watching himself hold it, weighing his options. He couldn’t hear his thoughts from the time, but he imagined he was going through every scenario, what would happen after each choice he could make.

As he watched, the reality of what he’d done sank in. The sacrifice he’d made. He watched through his own eyes as he took the gun. He could imagine the thoughts running through his head as he looked at it. Kill or be killed. Or kill and be killed, if he decided to turn the gun on Lotor. But he hadn’t. Then it hit him.

He hadn’t killed twenty-three people. He’d killed twenty-four.

He’d killed himself.

Like a wave crashing into a rock, all of the emotions from that moment toppled through his head. The anger, the sadness, the fear, the self doubt. He was bent over double with the weight of it all. He could sense movement around him, could feel hands gripping his arms, keeping him upright, could hear voices, but it was all muffled, distant.

He’d been so scared.

He’d never been more scared in his life.

What if Lotor didn’t actually let them all go? What if he killed them all anyways? What if whoever was left was forced to fight in an arena, like Shiro? What if they were forced to kill each other there? But there was one thing he had known with crystal clarity, like seeing though glass so clean it didn’t seem to be there at all.

He knew he couldn’t kill one of his friends.

No matter what happened, no matter what the cost to himself was, he wasn’t going to do it. Not there, and not in an arena. They deserved better than that, and they deserved better than him. Which made his final decision to become a lamb leading itself to slaughter that much easier to go through with.

If he died, they might live.

If he died, they could get free.

Even if Lotor had decided to keep them, decided that leaving even one Paladin of Voltron free would be too dangerous, they would still have a chance. He had faith that Keith, at least, would find a way to get everyone else free. He was just giving them the chance to do that.

And here they all were, safe and sound.

That meant he’d won, right?

He sure didn’t feel like a winner. Not right now, bent over and crying and probably looking like a horrible mess, eyelids pressed together while he tried to sort through all these new feelings of love for his friends, acceptance of his fate, and satisfaction at cheating Lotor of what he really wanted, even just by a little bit.

Someone was helping him sit on one of the couches. A pair of arms wrapped around him, and those arms were quickly joined by more pairs from all sides. It was...warm. So warm. He pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, trying to pull himself deeper into the warmth. When he did, the circle of warmth shifted so that it was all around him.

He sat like that, soaking in the heat until his heart rate had gone back down and he didn’t feel like he was going to rattle himself into little pieces. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

His entire team was surrounding him. Hunk, the bottom of the pile and the first pair of arms, was sitting to his left. Shiro was on his right, non-metal arm draped across his shoulders. Keith and Pidge stood over him, bending awkwardly over his knees to join the hug. Even Allura and Coran, standing behind him, had woven their arms into the pile.

It felt...right.

It felt like he belonged. But he didn’t, not anymore. He wriggled and pushed his way out of the circle and into a standing position so that he could shakily back away.

“Lance?” Hunk asked, moving to follow him. “Are you okay buddy?”

“I’m not Lance!” Lance shouted, wincing when he saw that hurt look on Hunk’s face. “I mean, I am technically,” he added. “But...Hunk, I killed people! Twenty-three good people who were just trying to help. I shot them as easily as if I were just out for a morning swim. I...I...” Words failed him. The more he stood there, the more the looks of concern mixed with hope drilled into him, the worse he felt.

He didn’t deserve their concern.

He didn’t deserve their friendship.

He was a murder. He didn’t deserve anything.

The longer he stood there, the more memories came flooding back. That one memory had triggered the floodgates. He needed to get away. He needed somewhere he could calm down, could sort through how he felt and what he’d done.

There was only one place he could think of, one thing that could always make him feel better.

Blue.

He just hoped he could get in.

Hunk was almost to him now. Decision time. Lance turned, and ran, a literal streak of blue as the abilities he never wanted kicked in and made him faster and stronger. He ran as fast as he could down the halls, taking turns that his body remembered but his brain was still trying to catch up to. He ran, not stopping until he was there, not even looking back to see if anyone was following him. At his speed, it would take them too long to catch up, anyways. They’d be too late.

Blue.

He stopped short in front of her, chest heaving as he caught his breath. The blue glow coming from him faded. Even just being near her was making him feel better. If she would just let him stay there, that would be enough. Red was a great lion, but he hadn’t felt the same connection with her as he’d had with Blue. It was less like he was a homeowner there and more like he was just renting. Blue was home.

Blue.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, moving to lean against the fall. He could feel her presence in his bones, replacing all of the hurt and anxiety and fear in his body and filling him instead with the same feeling he got from looking at the ocean. He could almost hear the waves, see the water tumbling over the sand, feel the tide pulling at his toes. He closed his eyes, letting the image crest over him

Blue.

There was a sound of metal scraping against metal and Lance opened his eyes to see that Blue had leaned forwards towards him, mouth open. He hesitated, not wanting to step on Allura’s toes. She was the blue paladin now. But...he needed this. Needed Blue. Allura wouldn’t mind if he borrowed her for a moment, he was sure. He stepped into Blue’s mouth.

“I hope you’ve been a good girl while I was away,” he said quietly, patting her muzzle as he passed through. He felt Blue’s response like a rumbling in his heart. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Once he was in, he headed straight for the cockpit. It looked exactly like it had been when he left it, months before he’d been kidnapped by Lotor. He sat down in the pilot’s chair and leaned back into the headrest. Now that he was there, he could feel Blue’s aura surrounding him like a blanket. He pulled his legs up onto the chair with him and wrapped himself around them. This, this was what home felt like. He could feel Blue like a purring in his mind and felt her rumbling gently around him.

“I know...I know I’m not your paladin anymore,” Lance started, “But could we go somewhere? Please? Somewhere with an ocean. Just you, me, and the waves.”

He felt Blue’s agreement in his soul. Don’t get him wrong, Red was a great lion, but Blue was more comforting to Lance. He felt like he belonged here.

Just for a moment, he felt like the Blue paladin again.

“Let’s go, baby girl.” He pushed some buttons and the bay doors open. They must have decided at some point that he wasn’t a flight risk anymore and lowered the security back to normal. Clearly, he was still a flight risk. Just for a little while. He just needed time to think, to process all the memories that had come back and figure out how they fit into the memories that he had made as Felis.

Then he would come back.


	21. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue knew exactly where she was going. All Lance had to do was sit back and watch space fly by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for being so patient with me. I've been the worst of uploaders recently. However, everything is currently done, so I'm going to spend the next few minutes uploading everything I've got so you can read all the way to the end. This is the last official chapter, and then there's an epilogue, and then a couple of bonus pieces that I wrote called "Bad End" and "What happened before," that either offer an alternative or fill in some gaps.
> 
> Thanks for all the support. I love you all.

Lance didn’t have to do anything as they flew. Blue knew exactly where she was going. All Lance had to do was sit back and watch space fly by until they reached a planet Blue was happy with. They didn’t really care where they ended up as long as there was water.

. . . . .

“Lance did what?” Keith asked, astounded.

“It seems that Lance has taken off with the blue lion,” Coran answered, watching a dot move across the screen. “We don’t know where he’s going.”

Allura sighed sadly. “I knew it was a bad idea to show him his memories.”

“What’s done is done,” Shiro said, moving to look at the screen Coran had up. “What we need to do now is find him before the Galra do.”

. . . . .

They touched down on a planet that had a similar ratio of land to water that Earth did, but with completely different colors. Everything here was in shades of blue. Dark blue soil. Pale blue tree trunks.

“Look at that, girl,” Lance said while they landed. “We’ll blend right in.” Even he was wearing navy blue cargo shorts and a light blue shirt. The only thing out of place was his black shoes. He stripped those off and the socks underneath.

Lance ran from his chair to the front of Blue, jumping down from her mouth. In retrospect, falling barefoot onto unknown soil wasn’t the best plan. Oh well, too late now. He’d already made it to the ground.

. . . . .

“He’s stopped moving,” Pidge announced. “He’s on a planet called...Duinia.”

“Duinia?” Allura slowed the ship until they were moving steadily but not quickly forwards.

“What’s wrong?” Keith asked.

“I think I know why Lance went to that particular planet.”

“Shouldn’t we still go after him?”

Allura shook her head. “No, let’s give him some time.”

 

The sand was soft!

Lance’s feet immediately slipped into the softest grains of sand ever. If anything felt like walking on a cloud, it would be this. He took a few tentative steps forward. The sand was cool, like sand back in Cuba would feel if it was in the shade. The soft light coming from this planet’s sun wasn’t strong enough to warm anything up much, although it wasn’t really cold, either.

Lance strode forwards onto the beach. Blue laid down next to him, her head on the sand with her body stretching back into the forests behind them. She did look perfect in this blue world, like it was where she belonged.

Lance sat down next to Blue, facing the ocean. The movement of the water instantly calmed him. He scooted forwards a little so he could put his feet in path of the tide. The water splashed over them. Like everything else on this planet, it was cool but not uncomfortably so. He drew on his nanobots to heighten his senses so he could experience everything more fully.

If he couldn’t be buried on Earth, he’d like to be buried here.

. . . . .

“We’re here, Princess,” Coran announced. The castle pulled up to a stop.

“Let’s go get him,” Keith said, moving to leave.

“Wait,” Allura called. “Go in the green lion. She will stand out less.”

“What about you and Coran?” Pidge asked.

Allura shook her head. “We’ll stay here and make sure there’s no trouble.” She smiled. “Right now, you’re the ones that Lance needs.”

. . . . .

Carefully, Lance stepped further and further into the ocean. He didn’t know how strong the tidal pull was here and didn’t know where there might be a straight drop under the water. He’d just have to watch where he stepped and turn back if he got worried about being swept away.

He was disturbingly not worried about being swept away. In fact, it didn’t sound half bad. Being whisked out into the ocean, floating endlessly on the waves, rocking softly with the movement of the water.

He could happily live out his days here.

. . . . .

“The signal from Blue is coming from just over there,” Pidge said softly, pointing through the trees towards a beach.

“Then let’s go get him,” Keith suggested. He moved forwards into the trees. A few minutes later, he almost ran right into the tail of the blue lion. He pulled back just in time, knocking into Hunk.

Shiro was looking at the length of Blue. She looked like she fit in here so perfectly. It was like she wasn’t part of Voltron, not really. She was part of this planet. No wonder they’d come here.

Walking along the length of blue, they found the beach Lance was at. They watched him float on his back out in the water. He also looked at home here more than they’d ever seen him. The only one who’d ever seen this side of him before was Hunk.

Maybe they'd give him just a little longer.

. . . . .

Lance didn’t know they were there until he got out of the water a while later and was pulling his shirt back on. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We came to make sure you were alright,” Shiro answered.

“I don’t know about alright,” Lance admitted, “But I feel better than I have in a long time.” It was true. The water had washed away his panic, and had even temporarily softened the painful buzzing of his veins.

Hunk walked up and put his arm around Lance’s shoulders. “We’re here for you, buddy. Whatever you need.” Pidge, Shiro, and Keith joined Hunk in surrounding Lance in a group hug.

“Thanks guys,” Lance sniffed. He knew he’d have some hard adjustments ahead, and things weren’t going to be easy. But right now...right now he was going to ignore that. Right now he just wanted to be with his family.

They all stayed to watch the sunset before going back to the castle.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is well except for the emotional trauma.

Lance was sitting in the hangar bay, leaning against blue’s leg, when Allura found him. Seeing her, he stood up. “Allura! I was just...visiting Blue.” He glance at her combat outfit. It was the one she wore back before she became a paladin. “Why aren’t you wearing your paladin suit?”

“Not to worry,” Allura said with a little laugh. “I’m stepping down as the Blue Paladin. She is your lion after all.”

“Allura, no,” Lance said, putting his hands up. “No, Blue is yours now. I was just borrowing her.”

“Actually, I was just borrowing her from you,” Allura disagreed. “Besides, Blue has already accepted you back as her Paladin.”

“Then maybe,” Lance continued, struggling to find the words he needed. “Then maybe we could share her or something. Take turns...”

Allura stopped his ranting with a shake of her head. “She is your lion, Lance. She always has been. You belong with her and I can go back to piloting the castle during battle.”

“Are...are you sure?” He didn’t know whether to feel hopeful that she’d give Blue back to him or guilty that he was taking Blue away from her.

“I’m sure.”

Lance ran up and hugged her. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” she said, returning the hug.


	23. Bad End - Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a 2 Part alternate ending that is a "what if" scenario - what if Lance had never stopped being Felis? Some of this will probably look familiar since it will start the same as Chapter 15 did and will break off after a bit into it's own thing.

Felis remembered getting into the sleep pod and remembered waking up again, now back in his cell, lying on his cot, but with no idea how much time passed between the two. Not that it mattered. He doubted at this point that he’d easily be able to return to being Lotor’s favorite pet weapon. Lotor know that he wasn’t a ride-or-die Galra supporter and would suspect him of telling the Paladins all he knew. Which, fair. He’d done exactly that. Since Lotor was going to suspect him of telling everything, Felis might as well actually do it and gain a little bit of the Paladin’s trust at the same time.

As he saw it, right here in the “enemy” castle was the safest place for him to be.

The Paladins had made it clear that he was too much like their friend, either dead or missing, so they at least wouldn’t get rid of him until that was either proved or disproved with at least some degree of certainty. He couldn’t even say for sure if it was one way or the other.

Could he actually be their friend, this Lance?

Or had he always been Felis?

It’s not like he could remember anything from before he’d started training with that group of Galra soldiers. He’d clearly had some combat training since he already had the muscle memory to work a gun and be a good shot, leagues above the others training with him. He’d figured He’d been in the military or something, but Paladin of Voltron? That was a little far fetched. It seemed ridiculous, and at first he’d laughed at the idea without a second thought. But then these guys continued along as if he was this ‘Lance’ with so much confidence, so he couldn’t help stopping to look again.

Was he Lance or was he Felis?

Was he a legendary hero or a Galra lackey?

Was he important or was he a pet?

Logically, he would want to be important, a hero. Maybe an anti-hero, he corrected himself, tapping his finger against his chin and contemplating the moral implications of killing twenty-three people. At least from what he could remember. Had Lance killed anyone?

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the rest of his...captors? Rescuers? Friends? Whatever. They came to join Big Guy and Mullet Man, who had been watching him since he first woke up. Once they were all there, they turned around together to look at him.

It was kinda creepy.

The warmth in their faces when they looked at him was making him uncomfortable. “So...” he drawled, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of his bed. “Did you find what you were looking for? Am I the messiah you were anxiously awaiting?” He wiggled his eyebrows at them. He couldn’t help it. Mullet Man and The Princess made the funnies scrunched-up faces when he made a joke. And considering how dull and unresponsive the Galra’d be when he told them a joke, even an annoyed audience was better than a dead one.

“Technically, yes,” the Little Nerd one answered, stepping as close to the force field between them as she could. “While we weren’t awaiting any messiahs, we did find what we were looking for.”

Felis leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees, interested despite himself. “And?”

Lance or Felis?

Friend or enemy?

Which one did he even want it to be?

Was he ready for the disappointment if he wasn’t who they thought? Was he ready for the expectations if he was?

They’d want him to be the person he was before, the person they knew and loved. He didn’t know if he could do that. He didn’t know if he could be that for them.

“The DNA tests Coran did were right,” Pidge continued. “Something’s blocking you from accessing them, but Lance’s memories are definitely in your head somewhere.”

Felis...no, Lance’s stomach did a flip. He had to lay back against the wall and close his eyes to keep from throwing up.

He never did figure out which option would have been better.

“So...what are you going to do about it?” He asked, trying to keep the shakiness out of his voice. He may have been an assassin, but this was too much. He was way out of his comfort zone. They were all staring at him with faces overflowing with...was that love?

With one swift thought, he realized he’d kind of rather stay Felis. These people were looking at him like he was their prodigal son while he felt...nothing. He didn’t know these people. They weren’t his teammates, his friends. If he said he had affection for anyone, it would be Lotor, but Lotor was more or a sugar daddy to him than a brother.

“Lance, are you okay?” Lance looked up to see Sexy Panda standing much closer than he should have been able to. A quick glance showed him that the force field was down and Sexy Panda was up close and concerned. How long had he been spacing out?

“I know this must be a shock to you, but we promise to help you get your memories back, no matter what,” the Moustache King said brightly.

If they were going to force him to go through with this nonsense for sure now, maybe he should actually bother to learn their actual names.

Or maybe not.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” He asked, a little bit of panic finally reaching his voice as the implications of what they’d discovered were finally fully sinking into his soul.

He wasn’t Lance, he was Felis.

He wasn’t Felis, he was Lance.

He technically had an exit if he wanted to run away since the force field was down.

“You do,” Mullet Man said, running a hand through his hair. “You do get a choice. We’d never...never force you to do what we want.” He looked up and caught Felis’s gaze. “We hope you’ll decide to at least try to come back to us, though.”

It was making Felis uncomfortable. He had to get out. He had to get away from these people and their love for someone that he no longer was and probably could never be again. He could hear shouts coming from behind him, but he kept running, heading towards where he thought the hangar bay might be.

He wanted to go back to Lotor.

Sure, he’d probably have to beg for forgiveness, swear up and down that any information they might have gotten from him was under duress and he would never betray Lotor on purpose. There would be a little bit of dancing around as Lotor would demand he prove his loyalty. He might even have to actually kill one of the Paladins before he could get back into Lotor’s good graces. But it would be worth it for things to get back to some kind of normal.

Working for Lotor was his comfort zone. It was what he knew. He could have that again.

The hangar bay was exactly where Felis had felt it would be. If he allowed himself to think too long about that, he would realize that this just went further to proving that he had once belonged here. He didn’t let that line of reasoning get too far. He was afraid that he’d turn around if it did.

He jumped into the first non-Voltron ship that he could find. It looked like some kind of shuttle, meant for short distances. It would have to do. Hopefully he could at least make it to the next planet. If it was Galra controlled, that would make it easier. He could just announce himself and the Galra forces there would ship him to Lotor. If it wasn’t, he’d have to disguise himself and hitch a ride off-planet. After that, he could easily disappear into the vastness of the universe.

He’d forget about these people.

He’d forget about who he could have been.

He’d go back to being their enemy.

That was fine. It’s not like he really felt any attachment towards them. They’d just kidnapped him for a couple days was all. That didn’t suddenly make them family or whatever. That twinge of regret burning a hole in the back of his heart was just phantom pains.


	24. Bad End - Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the "what if Lance had stayed Felis" conjecturing
> 
> *warning: character death*

Keith was furious. Two days ago, Lance..no, Felis had taken a shuttle and flown off on his own, making a beeline straight for the nearest planet. There, he’d gotten in contact with the local Galra forces before the Paladins could find him. All that was left when they got there was the body of a Galra soldier, presumably Felis’s proof that he was who he said he was.

And today, they’d gotten word that there had been an assassination on Neblides, a religious leader. 

“So..what do we do now?” Hunk asked. They were all standing together in the hangar bay.

“We have to take him down,” Keith said simply.

“No!” Pidge protested. “We can’t just...just ‘take down’ our friend, Keith. Lance is in there somewhere and you know it.”

“I know, but...” Keith ran a hand through his hair. “We can’t keep letting him kill people just because he looks like our friend.” He held Pidge’s gaze for a moment. “Lance wouldn’t want this to be his legacy.”

Pidge broke the stare first, looking away. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

“Then we need to try and figure out where he’s going to be next,” Shiro began but Keith interrupted him.

“Or,” Keith suggested. “We bring him to us.”

“If you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting...” Shiro warned, his eyes hard.

“We’ll use me as bait...”

“No.”

“...and set it up to trap Felis.

“No.”

Keith curled his fists into balls. “Shiro, if we do it your way, more people will die with each prediction we get wrong.”

“And if we do it your way, you could die,” Shiro countered.

“I’m not more important than they are,” Keith said, his voice rising.

Shiro sighed. The sad look on his face calmed Keith’s anger. “I know,” Shiro whispered. “It just scares me.”

“We do what we have to do,” Keith answered with a shrug. “And right now, we have to stop Felis no matter what.”

. . . . .

“You think Felis is really going to fall for this?” Pidge asked as they walked through a town on Festroto V. They’d already staged a party on the castle to get all of the locals away from here and into there, where it would be safe. Coran and Hunk were entertaining them while the other three executed the rest of the plan.

“I hope so,” Keith said, his face hard with determination.

“Don’t do anything reckless, Keith,” Shiro warned.

“Too late,” Keith mumbled under his breath as the other two found places nearby to hide while Keith continued to scan the town, acting as a guard. Mostly he stood in a doorway, annoyingly out of the line of sight for any assassins hiding nearby. There weren’t a lot of high-ground places for Felis to aim from, so he’d have to get closer to get to Keith.

Nothing was happening. Ten minutes passed, then twenty. Keith didn’t know why he was surprised. Why would Felis come after him when he wanted him to? That would be too easy. He was about to give up and call the others when he saw a flicker of blue out of the corner of his eye. Instinct told him to duck to the left, so he did. When he came back up, there was a scorch mark on the wall where his head had been.

He looked around quickly. There. At the end of the street was the pale blue glow of Felis. “Why don’t you come out, Felis? Or are you scared?” He shouted in the direction of the assassin.

“Going for the schoolyard taunts, now, Mullet Man?” Felis yelled back. “Like I would stoop to your level.”

“You’re wasting an opportunity,” Keith called. He felt a little silly, talking to thin air, but at least this time it was a real person answering back. Although, between the two, he’d take fake-Lance over real-Felis anyday.

“To what? Kill you?” Felis laughed. “I could do that some other time. You’re the one being wasteful. And after you took all that trouble to make the town empty for this. I guess you’ll have to-” His voice was cut off and there were sounds of a scuffle.

Keith ran down the road and burst around the corner where Felis had been standing. Now he was kneeling, his arms being held back by Shiro while Pidge had her bayard up to his neck. Keith drew his own bayard in it’s sword form and held it to Felis’s chest.

“You’re going to kill me?” Felis scoffed. “Aren’t I supposed to be your friend or something?”

Keith didn’t flinch at the obvious taunt. “Lance was our friend, yes, but you’re not him. You’re just someone using his face, making his body kill innocents. The real Lance wouldn’t want that. He wouldn’t want you.”

“Then why haven’t you taken the shot yet?” He replied, smiling like he’d already won. “Against your code, Paladin?”

Keith shook his head. “I was going to give you one last chance to come with us, to try and get your memories back.” In response, Felis just glared at him. Keith brought up his other hand to steady his sword, which was shaking in his grasp. “Then I’m sorry. I wish it hadn’t gone this way.”

He breathed in.

Maybe they could still save him. Maybe he wasn’t completely beyond repair. Maybe they just had to get him back to the castle, get him into a cryopod again. Maybe this time it would work. Maybe he wasn’t as damaged as he seemed.

Keith lowered his sword, just a little, and Felis saw this as an opportunity to strike. With a shout, he tore himself out of Pidge and Shiro’s grasp and lunged at Keith.

Keith’s training kicked in before his brain could register what was going on. With a rush of air, he thrust the sword through Felis’s heart.

Immediately, Felis’s face changed from a mocking expression to shocked one. He looked down at the sword sticking out of his body. “That’s fair,” he said, blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” He slumped back against Shiro’s body, ripping the sword out of his chest as he fell.

Keith stumbled backwards, suddenly free. His sword clattered to the ground, the end covered in glowing blue blood. The same blood was pouring out of Lance’s chest, still illuminated.

“What have I done?” He whispered, falling to his knees.

Shiro lay Felis carefully on the ground, closing his eyes before coming around to wrap his arms around Keith’s shoulders. Keith’s eyes hadn’t left Felis’s face. He just sat there, staring.

**I killed him.**

**I killed Lance.**

**I killed my friend.**

“Hey. Hey, Keith,” Shiro’s voice said through the fog over his mind. Keith put all of his attention into focusing on Shiro’s voice, letting it ground him. “Come back to me Keith.” Keith continued to use Shiro’s voice as the line that he was pulling himself out with.

It’d been awhile since he’d had to do this. He was out of practice.

Shiro continue talking, speaking in a soft, calm voice, mostly just Keith’s name, until Keith shook his head, getting rid of the last of his funk. “Thanks,” he mumbled when he had stopped spiraling and was back on solid ground.

“You going to be okay?” Shiro asked. Keith gave him a hurt look. “Right, stupid question. Are you alright enough to get back to the castle?”

Keith nodded. He looked down at Felis...no, Lance’s body. If it wasn’t for the still-bleeding hole in his chest, he could have been sleeping. Finally, he was back to looking like the friend that Keith lost. But now it was too late. “We can’t just leave him here,” he said, his voice cracking a little as tears welled up in his eyes. “He deserves better. Lance deserves better.”

Shiro’s face was grim as he knelt down and lifted Lance’s body in his arms. Pidge sniffed next to him, tears streaming down her face. The three of them were a somber party as they trudged back up to the castle.

Allura, Hunk, and Coran ran out to greet them. “What happened? Did you...” The question died on Allura’s lips when she saw their faces and who was being carried by Shiro. “Oh. Oh no.”

Shiro nodded glumly. “He didn’t give us any choice. But we couldn’t just leave him there.”

Keith knew, somewhere inside him, that Shiro was right and they hadn’t had any other options, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else he should have done. He could have aimed for a leg or something, something that could have been fixed. “I couldn’t leave him for the Galra to just...dispose of,” he said. “We need to bury him somewhere he’d like. Somewhere with an ocean.” He had to do something right.

“I wish we could bury him on Earth,” Hunk commented, his face covered in tears and snot.

“I know,” Shiro said. “But that’s still too dangerous. The Galra could trace us back and we need to do everything we can to keep them away.”

Hunk nodded. “It’s just...it’s just...” he tried, his voice wavering. “We can’t even tell his family, Shiro! His parents and brothers and sisters. What would we even tell them?”

Coran came over to put a comforting hand on Hunk’s shoulder, even though his eyes were also wet and shining. “He died while serving a greater cause. I’m sure his family would be proud. And you’ll get the chance to tell them all about his bravery one day.” That would just have to do for now.

They filed into the castle, Shiro in front and Keith bringing up the rear. He couldn’t bring himself to be close to the lifeless body of Felis, of Lance, of his rival and friend and then enemy.

“I think I know exactly what planet would be perfect for the ceremony,” Allura was saying from a little ways ahead. “And it’s nearby, too.”

“We’ll put Lance’s body into a cryopod until we get there,” Coran suggested.

. . . . .

The planet Allura had picked wasn’t just stunning, it was perfect. They landed on a beach where the water was the clearest blue any of them had seen, and it stretched off until it disappeared into the horizon. Everything on this planet was blue. Keith didn’t know how so many different shades of blue could exists. Dark blue earth. Pale blue tree trunks. Blue sky, blue sea, blue sand.

It was perfect.

“I need a shovel,” Keith said, eyeing a spot that he liked, shaded by trees but still with a beautiful view of the beach and ocean beyond.

Coran looked confused. “A shovel? Why would you need that? This little doohickey here will have a hole for us in no time.” He held up a small device. “It’s a particle transmitter. It will displace the earth temporarily.” Pidge, fascinated, snatched it from him so that she could study it.

Keith shook his head. “I need a shovel. I want to do this properly.”

Shiro strode off the ship, a shovel in each hand. “I thought as much,” he said. When he got closer to Keith, he added in a whisper, “You don’t have to punish yourself like this.”

“I’m not punishing myself,” Keith replied. When Shiro looked at him, unconvinced, he admitted, “Okay, maybe I am a little bit it’s just...using some alien tech to make the hole just seems so...impersonal. Lance deserves better than that.”

This explanation seemed to satisfy Shiro. He handed one of the shovels to Keith and started digging with the other one. Keith joined him a moment later. They dug until their backs were aching and their hands hurt but they had a hole that was big enough for Lance to fit in and deep enough that he wouldn’t be dug up by any local wildlife.

Hunk carried Lance’s body over, unable to speak. Lance was placed in the hole and his arms crossed over his chest. Before jumping back out of the grave, Hunk made sure to fix Lance’s hair. Even in death he deserved to look good.

Coran and Allura were both dressed in pink, Allura wearing her paladin armor and Coran wearing an outfit similar to his usual one but with pink accents instead of blue. The others were wearing their Paladin armor, including Lance. Hunk had insisted on it, not that there was much resistance.

He had lived as a Paladin and deserved to be buried as one.

Shiro stepped up to the grave and looked down at Lance. “I wish it hadn’t turned out this way,” he said. He pulled something out of his pocket, a Voltron action figure that he’d picked up the last time they passed through the space mall. He didn’t know why he grabbed it, then, but it seemed fitting now. He placed it in the grave with Lance.

Hunk went next. There was no way he was going to be able to speak. He couldn’t see through his tears as it was. But he took Lance’s favorite jacket from where he had stored it like a scarf around his neck and laid it over him.

“We got into so much trouble together,” Pidge said as she took her turn at the graveside. “I think I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. But I don’t regret it, not for a second, and I hope you didn’t either. And...I miss our late-night talks.” Before he’d been kidnapped by the Galra, they’d spent so much time together. She thought she’d gotten used to having that taken away, but then she’d gotten a taste of it only to have it ripped away again. She placed into the grave a model of an old Earth space shuttle. “Kick ass, go to space, represent the human race,” she said softly.

“Goodbye, Number 3,” Coran said simply when it was his turn. In the grand scheme of things, he hadn’t known Lance long, but he had secretly been Coran’s favorite of the Paladins. Lance had been like him, always ready to have fun, willing to try and joke his way out of any situation, the comedic relief of the team. He placed Lance’s face cream in the grave with him. It was an absurd gift, but something Lance had somehow managed to find regardless of where they were in the universe, so it was obviously important. Something ridiculous but also important was perfect for Lance.

Allura place a pink shawl in with him next, laying it across his arms and shoulders. “It is an Altean funeral shroud,” she explained. “It is a thing of honor, reserved for warriors, nobility, and royalty. If anyone deserves it, Lance does.”

That just left Keith. Since they’d finished digging the grave, he’d stood back, away from everyone else. After everyone else had said their peace, he walked up, eyes somehow dry. He seemed more like he was in shock still. “You didn’t deserve this,” he whispered when he stood at the end of the grave, holding the Blue bayard. “Maybe if I’d been a better leader, you’d still be alive.” Shiro looked like he wanted to say something but Allura stopped him with a hand on his arm. They listened as Keith continued. “So, for you, I’m going to work until I’m a leader you’d be proud of, one that can protect his team.” He placed the bayard on top of the shroud.

Okay, now he was crying.

They stood at the graveside together for a long moment. Then, Keith picked up one of the shovels and started putting earth back into the hole. Shiro came over to help again. Hunk and Coran decided they couldn’t watch. They went back to the ship to find something, anything to do. Allura and Pidge stayed to watch, ready to step in if Shiro or Keith had to stop.

All too soon, all that was left of the grave was a mound of freshly turned earth. They turned to go in when Hunk and Coran came running back out. Coran was holding Lance’s helmet and Hunk was holding a piece of thick metal.

“Hunk? Coran? What’s wrong?” Shiro asked as they approached.

“Something we were working on, on the trip over here,” Hunk answered, his words a little stilted as he tried to catch his breath. He turned the metal piece around. There was an inscription on the other side.

_Lance McClain_  
Born July 28, 20XX  
Beloved friend, brother, son,  
and Paladin of Voltron 

At the bottom, there was a lion carved into the metal and inlaid with blue that faded to red. Hunk placed it at the head of Lance’s grave, facing the ocean. Coran came up behind him and place the helmet in front of the piece. “He deserved better than that trash headstone the Galra made,” Hunk said softly. “Something made by people that actually knew him.

“It’s perfect,” Pidge said, hugging Hunk.

They all stood together, looking at the view Lance would have for the rest of his life. Finally, they turned to go. The universe still needed saving, after all. They’d have to grieve for their friend, again, as they went.

Just before he walked up the ramp, he turned to look one last time at the grave. There, he saw an image of Lance, just like before, sitting on the fresh blue dirt and looking out at the ocean, wearing the most peaceful smile Keith had ever seen on him.

With a small smile of his own, Keith walked up into the castle.


	25. What Happened Before (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another two-part mini story about what was going on with Lance while he was with the Galra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing too graphic, but there is some torture in this part.

Lance groaned. It felt like one of those Galra monstrosities they’d had to fight was sitting on his chest. He shuffled, trying to pull himself up, but his arms were twisted behind him and he couldn’t get them apart. He stopped to breath, to try and bring some kind of clarity to his mind.

Where was he?

Carefully, he opened his eyes. He was...he was back in a cell on the Galra ship. That wasn’t right. What about that think with Lotor? What about his friends? He...

He was supposed to be dead.

He shot himself to save them. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be alive.

The door to his cell opened and a bright light flooded in, washing out the pale purple glow that his eyes had gotten used to. He tried to turn away, squinting.

“Stop wriggling around,” a gruff voice said. Large hands grabbed him and hoisted him up over their shoulder. He found himself facing the back of a Galra soldier, bouncing as they walked away from the cell.

“Hey!” Lance cried indignantly. He beat at the Galra’s back and kicked at his chest, although he found in doing that that his legs were tied together as well.

“Stop that,” the Galra warned again. Lance only proceeded to attack harder. The Galra threw him against the wall, pinning Lance there by the neck with his hand. Lance gasped for air as he struggled to get anything, even his toes, on the ground so that he could take some of the strain off of his throat. “I’m not going to ask again.” His hand tightened around Lance’s neck for a moment and then he was suddenly released, crumpling to the ground.

The guard picked him up by the collar of his armor and dragged him across the floor. His hands were being rubbed raw from the friction and the metal holding his arms together was digging painfully into his wrists.

“Not to rain on your parade or anything, but can’t I just walk?” Lance asked, wincing as they turned a corner and his arms were bent painfully to the side. The guard didn’t answer, of course. “Oh, I see. You’re going for the ‘broody and mysterious’ feel. That’s nice. I prefer to be the comic relief character myself.” The guard lifted him up and slammed him against the wall, knocking his nose flat into it, before continuing on his way. Lance groaned. “No talking. Got it.” He fell into an anxious silence.

Lance lost track of how many turns they made. It seemed like they were going in circles. Well, if the guard was doing it to throw him off, there was no need. All of these halls looked the same to Lance. Without Pidge there to direct him, he wouldn’t be able to make his way anywhere by himself.

It was ages before the guard finally stopped in a doorway and knocked.

“Come in,” a voice said from the other side. The door slid open and on the other side was Lotor, up close and personal this time. Lance immediately wanted to rush up, punch him, choke him, do…something.

Lance was so focused on Lotor that he almost missed the rest of the room, which was almost empty except for a table, tilted slightly up and covered in what must have been more cuffs, and another table covered in various instruments that Lance very decidedly did not want to know what they did.

“Put him on the table,” Lotor ordered. The guard dragged Lance over. Lance started struggling again, trying to find an opening as his arms and then his legs were set free, but the guard was too strong and soon he was strapped to the table, completely immobile.

Lotor moved to stand next to Lance, placing his hand on the Paladin’s shoulder. It creeped Lance out and he tried to slide away, even just a little, but there was nowhere to go. Lotor laughed. It...actually didn’t sound as evil as Lance had expected. Kinda melodic. But still definitely evil.

“What do you want, Lotor?” Lance spat as he tested his new bonds by yanking on them violently. Yep, they were really strong.

“I’m glad you know who I am,” Lotor said, turning to fiddle with something on the other table, which was behind him. “That you recognize me as an enemy will make it even more satisfying when I bring you over to my side.”

Lance scoffed. “Like I’d ever join you.”

Lotor just shook his head. “You should be honored that I’ve decided to see to you personally.” He brushed his hand across Lance’s forehead. “You are going to be my most beautiful creation yet.”

“Get away from me, weirdo,” Lance snapped, trying to drag his head away but not making much of a difference. There was a bar across his shoulders that was making it impossible to do anything.

“Well, we’ll have to fix that attitude first,” Lotor admitted with a smile. “I’m not going to give nearly limitless power to a creature that’s just going to turn it on me immediately. Besides,” he added, leaning too close to Lance’s face for comfort, “The memory wipe will work better if you still have your current weak body.”

He stepped away but Lance still felt uncomfortable. He didn’t like what it meant that a ‘weaker body’ would take to a...a memory wipe? More easily. He also didn’t like the idea of a memory wipe. How were they even going to do that?

Lotor patted Lance’s shoulder in a friendly way that made him feel sick. “Don’t worry, Red Paladin, we’ll have plenty of time for that later.” He turned away to fiddle with something out of Lance’s sight. “I must admit, I’m impressed,” he said as he worked. “I never expected you to shoot yourself. To be honest, I was expecting you to shoot me or one of my people. Of course, I was prepared for that eventuality, as you can see.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Lotor turned just long enough to grin at Lance. “You’re still here, aren’t you? It wasn’t a real gun, it was a tranquilizer. Looks nasty but will just knock you out for a while.” Finally ready, he faced Lance again, a syringe full of some dull purple liquid in his hands.

“What’s that?” Lance asked, his eyes narrowed.

“Oh, just a little serum that the druids devised,” Lotor explained as he set the syringe down. “Now hold still.” He forced Lance’s head to the left, exposing his neck, which Lotor then cleaned with some kind of liquid. “Don’t want my prize to get sick,” he explained as he picked the needle up again.

“I’m not yours, Lotor,” Lance began but his words turned into a hiss when the needle was pushed into his neck. The liquid inside felt like thousands of tiny pinpricks as it mixed with his blood, spreading across his whole body over the course of a few minutes. When it was all done, he was shivering and the pain was still there, although dulling with time.

“What...was that?” He huffed.

“A few things,” Lotor stated as he disposed of the needle. “It will make you a bit more susceptible to pain, a bit more likely to forget things, with a touch of falling under my control.”

“I’ll never do what you want,” Lance growled.

Lotor just smirked. “We shall see. You may not have a choice, little Paladin. You say you’re not mine now. I say you’re not mine yet.”

Lance glared at Lotor. He didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’d scared Lance. In all honesty, Lance was terrified. He had no idea what Lotor wanted to do, but he knew it wouldn’t be anything good.

Lotor sighed. “Alright, then.” He stood up and, for a moment, Lance thought that he might be allowed to go back to his cell, but no such luck. “Watch him,” Lotor told the guard, who had moved to stand by the door. “I’ll be back in a few hours to check on him. See if he’s more...agreeable then.” The guard nodded, Lotor left the room, and Lance was left alone with his thoughts.

He’d been dead. He’d shot himself in front of his entire team. Which meant...no one was coming to rescue him. He’d figured that already, but actually coming to terms with it was different. Thinking that they’d risk everything to save the life o f the weakest link was implausible at best. But if they thought he was dead, it was impossible.

No one was coming to save him.

He’d have to save himself.

Just think about what that would mean. If he could somehow save himself, maybe he’d actually be worthy of being part of the team.

Maybe he would have proved himself.

He continued spiraling down like his until his thoughts were interrupted by the door sliding open again. Lotor came in, grinning. “Now, where were we?’

. . . . .

Lance was hungry. He didn’t know how long it had been since he’d last eaten, but it had to be a long time ago. He’d been unconscious for a lot of it and dead for some other parts, but now he was awake all the time. Every once in awhile, Lotor would come in, or one of the druids, and they would inject him with more of the grey-purple stuff. It still hurt every time, but he was, in a twisted way, getting used to it.

A few times, he’d tried to get some sleep, as awkward as it was propped up on a table. But each time the guard by the door, which was changing every few hours or so, would wake him back up with a hard jab from something electric that would shock him.

Correction.

He was hungry and tired.

It sounded so snobbish. Shiro had made it a year and he had probably also felt tired and hungry. But Lance? Lance came from a family where food was important and mealtimes were respected. And as for sleep, well, he was Lance. He needed his beauty rest. He needed to keep up his appearances. It was one of the few things he had going for him. He didn’t lose sleep if he could help it.

Now, it seemed, he didn’t have a choice.

And it was cold.

He’d decided that complaining was going to be his lifeline. He could fall back on the uncomfortable things to help block out the actually painful things. It probably wasn’t a healthy way to deal with his problems but he was also currently kidnapped by the enemy so he figured he’d give himself a little slack. His usual methods of dealing with problems - namely doing finger guns at them and then trying to turn them into a big joke - wouldn’t work as well here.

Come to think of it, he didn’t have any healthy coping habits.

When he got back to the castle, he’d have to work on that.

. . . . .

“Your name is Caeruleus Felis now,” Lotor said.

Lance smirked. “That’s a mouthful. You couldn’t have picked something more, I don’t know, poetic? Flowing? Sounding like an actual name that a human would have? You aliens don’t know much, do you?” He got a long shock for his trouble, almost bringing him to the point of screaming, but it was worth it to see the grimace on Lotor’s face.

“What is your name?” He asked, the button to shock Lance still held in his hand.

“Lance McClain, obviously.” He was shocked again, longer this time. A whimper escaped his lips but he held back most of the pain. He had to stay strong. No one was coming to save him - his team all thought that he was dead. If he was going to get out of here, he was going to have to do it himself. It had only been a month. He could do this.

Shiro did it for a year.

If only he could get to a computer somewhere. He was sure he could do something that would alert someone that he was still alive. He could leave a joke or something that Pidge would recognize. She was always looking for inconsistencies in Galra transmissions and data, and they had lots of inside jokes that would mean nothing to the Galra but that she would know when she saw them.

“What is your name?” Lotor asked again.

“Lance.” Another shock.

“What is your name?” Lotor was shouting now.

“Lance McClain!” If he was going to hold onto anything, it was his identity. He couldn’t let Lotor change who he was.

Lotor snorted with disgust. “Clearly the treatments aren’t working as well as we had hoped. I give you credit, Paladin. Your mind is stronger than I gave you credit for (thought).” He turned to the Galra soldier next to him. “Give him another syringe, and increase the dosage. I’ll speak with the druids about making something stronger for tomorrow. This way is taking too long. We need to advance the process faster.”

The Galra sneered as he advanced on Lance, already holding the grey-purple liquid. Lance struggled, like he always did, but it was no use. He was securely connected to the table underneath him with little to no wiggle room. He breathed slowly as the now-familiar burn spread through his body.

He was not going to go down without a fight.

. . . . .

Lance followed Lotor with his eyes as his captor walked casually around the room, drinking a glass of water. He was so thirsty. He needed that water. But Lotor hadn’t even offered it to him. Lance didn’t have the energy to ask. He didn’t have the energy to even move his head, twitch his finger.

They’d been giving him just enough food, water, and sleep to keep him alive. He’d lost all track of time and had no concept of day or night. Since Lotor had a few druid friends to help him as well as the Galra soldiers, there was no span of time where he was left alone, so he couldn’t even know when it was night. He didn’t know how long he’d been a captive.

He only knew he had to get out.

The changes of him getting out were getting slimmer and slimmer as the hours passed. He was too weak now to escape. He’d have to find a way to regain some strength, but he was only taken off the table when the machine he was hooked up to that monitored his vitals told whoever was in the room that he needed to relieve himself.

If he got back to the castle, he was going to force Hunk to make him the biggest meal any of them had ever seen.

Vaguely, his eyes still following the water, he wondered what everyone’s reactions would be if he just showed up after having been dead for what he assumed was a long time. They’d probably all freak out. He’d probably get a nice, warm hug from Hunk. Even Keith might be happy to see him. That would be a nice change.

Or maybe they’d hate him.

Maybe they would rearrange like he thought when he first made the decision to shoot himself, and when he came back he would be messing all that up again. Not that he’d try to get back into a lion. He could learn how to help Coran in the castle during battles or something. Voltron was definitely better off without him.

Watching Lotor pace was making him sleepy. Not that it was hard, since he’d gotten virtually no sleep in who know how long. His eyes drooped. Maybe he could just catch a couple winks before Lotor noticed. Just a small nap...

He woke with a start as ice cold water was dumped over his head. His eyes flew open to find Lotor’s face uncomfortably close to his own.

“What’s your name?” He asked, his voice soft but forceful, menacing.

What was his name? His brain was fuzzy with lack of sleep, dehydration, starvation, and whatever drug the grey-purple stuff was. He tried to focus on remembering his name but Lotor kept moving and distracting him. He was...signaling a guard...who brought him another syringe. Lance barely registered the needle going into his neck, although he definitely noticed when the liquid mixed with his blood stream. He whimpered, his eyes watering.

If he got cut, would his blood be grey-purple, too?

“What is your name?” Lotor asked again, his voice more calm now, soothing.

“My name?” Lance mumbled back. He couldn’t remember. Lotor had kept calling him...something. That must be his name. What was it, again?

“My name is Felis.”


	26. What Happened Before (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second installment in the "What Happened Before" thing and the last thing that I have written for you all.

Felis didn’t really like to be near anyone when he trained. He was still getting used to the nanobots that had been a gift from the Galra, from Lotor and had already killed one person and injured seven more. After that, he was given his own room to train in.

His ‘gift’ from Lotor hurt like crazy all the time, but it did give him equally crazy enhancements. He could run faster and longer than any of the soldiers in his training group. He could think clearer and quicker. His eyesight and aim were better. He was still a little shaky from the pain, but the Galra had this grey-purple liquid that they gave him to help dull the pain. It worked, although he couldn’t take it right before training because it made his head fuzzy. Mostly he took it at night with his injection of nanobots. At least those would end once the count in his bloodstream was high enough.

Training also seemed to help, like he was burning off literal steam in his bloodstream. Activating his ability seemed to help for a time. The pain always came back, though. Guess he’d have to figure out how to fix it himself or just stay with the Galra. The second option was easier and he didn’t have a problem with it for now. He had plenty of sparring partners in the Galra...group...platoon...whatever that he’d been paired with while he learned to use his new abilities and Lotor gave him basically whatever he wanted.

Who cared that his memories only started a month ago? Clearly whatever his life was before wasn’t important enough for him to hold onto the memories from back then. This was his life now and he was fine with it.

. . . . .

Now that he could control his new abilities better and wasn’t liable to kill anyone accidentally, Lotor started having him sit at his right hand during dinner parties.

Naturally, this angered quite a few people.

“Does your pet have to sit at the table with us?” One of the soldiers - Felis thought he might have been a captain or a general or something - sneered over his dinner. “It’s not sanitary, and looking at that alien face of his makes my head hurt.”

Lotor flashed him his most winning smile. “My pet is here to keep wild animals like you in line,” he said, not breaking eye contact. “You might want to watch what you say around him. He doesn’t like to be insulted.”

Felis wanted to laugh. This was his favorite kind of game, after all. There was something fun about watching stupid people squirm and flounder when they were called out. So instead, he quickly activated his nanobots and used them to whip himself around to the other side of the table, about halfway down to where the soldier was sitting before the Galra could take his next bite. Felis snatched the utensil out of his hand, ate the food off of it, and had the semi-sharp prongs pressed into the man’s neck in a breath.

The man looked, understandably, terrified.

“Now, now, Felis, no murder at the dinner table,” Lotor said in a cool voice, insinuating that Felis was welcome to murder his guests after the meal was over and in another room so as not to disturb the guests who weren’t misbehaving.

“Yeah,” the Galra said. His tone was tough but he was betrayed by the shakiness of the words. “Go back to your seat like a good little pet.”

Felis responded by pressing the fork harder into the soldier’s jugular.

“Felis...” Lotor warned.

Felis just shrugged. He was all for show, anyways. A way for Lotor to intimidate people he thought were going to turn on him. If he wasn’t scary enough by himself, maybe Felis would be. He set the fork down gently on the table and strode back to his place like nothing had happened.

. . . . .

Felis being seen eating dinner with Lotor and his other guest quickly became the norm. Often Lotor used it as a way to put fear into the hearts of people that he suspected of plotting against him or harboring negative thoughts towards them. Instead of just having them killed, which Felis saw as the easier solution, he would invite them to dinner first. During this dinner, he would have Felis do some kind of display with his nanobots activated.

Usually that was enough to shut down whatever was there.

One time it wasn’t.

That was technically his first assassination for the Galra, although Felis didn’t really count it as such since the situation was different. The dissenter hadn’t been terrified enough of Felis’s knife combat dance and had continued to try and rally people against Lotor that night. It was like he didn’t realize it was rude to eat with someone and then immediately turn around and plot against said host.

How uncivilized.

So, naturally, Felis was charged with killing him. One shot between the eyes was enough to kill the traitor and send a message to anyone who might be fool enough to try and take his place.

Don’t mess with the Galra.

. . . . .

After about two months of training with the Galra soldiers and about two weeks with no fatal or near-fatal accidents, Lotor approached Felis with a mission.

He and Felis sat opposite each other at a table. Lotor set a datapad between them, facing Felis, who picked it up to examine it closer. “I think you’re ready for your first assassination for us,” he said.

Felis looked down at the datapad with a renewed interest. So far since he’d arrived, he hadn’t been allowed to leave the ship. Lotor had rescued him from the wreckage of a ship and had recognized him as the universally infamous assassin Caeruleus Felis. He’d also immediately recognized Felis as a potential powerful asset. There had to be some rehabilitation after an accident of that magnitude - Felis had seen the pictures, so he some idea of how bad the accident had been - and he’d had to regain a lot of his former strength from scratch. Lotor had wanted to keep him close during this process to make sure everything went smoothly, which was fine, but Felis was getting a little stir crazy.

His target was a diplomat on this little no-nothing planet. It wasn’t an exciting mission, to be sure, but it would get him off this ship and onto a planet, so he was in. He smiled at Lotor. “Alright, when do we start?”

. . . . .

“I have another mission for you,” Lotor said, handing over the datapad as they stood in his office having tea. “It’s a very important one. If we can take out the leader of Voltron, it will give us a huge advantage in taking them out, and then no one will be in the way of the Galra empire.”

Felis had no problem with the rise of the Galra empire. That was where his paycheck came from. Well, he said paycheck but really he was paid in food, lodging, nice clothes, basically whatever he wanted, and the best sniper rifle in the universe.

It’s name was Little Blue. He’d designed it so that it was a frosty combination of silver and ice blue metals.

He was very proud of the design. He was less proud of the name.

Point is, he didn’t care if taking out this kid would help one side or the other. He was with the Galra for now, but only because they gave him nice things and gave him targets sometimes. But...looking at the picture on the datapad gave him a weird feeling that he couldn’t quite place. He also couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that this kid would be his downfall.

Which was ridiculous, of course, he told himself. He was too good. Too good at hiding in his all-black outfit, too quick at getting away when the blue glow inevitably gave away his position (not the best situation for an assassin but he’d adapted quickly enough), and too good a shot to be outdone by children in lions.

That was ridiculous. It just wouldn’t do.

So instead of voicing any of that, mostly because Lotor wouldn’t care about any of his concerns as long as he got the job done, Felis asked, “Do you have a timetable for this? Or is it just an ‘as soon as possible’ kind of deal?”

Lotor picked at a long nail to clean it. “Well, I’d like you to have it done by my birthday next month, since I’d like to have you there, but I’m sure you’ll finish well before then.”

“Aw, are you asking me out on a date?” Felis joked. He couldn’t help it.

Lotor just flashed him a smile. “If you can take out the Black Paladin, I’d be happy to have you as my date.”

Felis blew him a kiss on the way out. Lotor was definitely more fun than the soldiers he trained with, or even Lotor’s own generals.

At least he flirted back.

. . . . .

This...this kid was turning out to be more trouble than he was worth. Felis would have to come up with something particularly stunning if he was going to finish this assignment ever. He’d already missed the deadline, which was making Lotor mad, although he had still gone back for the birthday celebrations.

It was all luck, it had to be.

There was no way some punk in a mullet would be able to use skill to dodge his bullets, even partially. Felis wasn’t sure that he could even do it. It definitely wouldn’t be possible unless his nanobot abilities were already activated and he was looking at where the bullet was coming from. Then he might be able to speed out of the way in time.

Bullets were fast.

It was infuriating. Every assignment up to this point had been a breeze. It was like they had suddenly been transported into a book and the will of the writer was keeping him alive because he was the protagonist or whatever.

Well, Felis was the protagonist of his own story and he had just as much right to succeed as this Keith Kogane did.

Maybe he just needed a better author and maybe that better author was him.

He’d need some time to come up with a good plan. The other paladins were careful to not let their leader get into situations where he’d have to leave his giant metal lion and put himself in a situation that an assassin might take advantage of. Which Felis was perfectly okay with doing. Whether the opportunity was created by his own planning or fate, he’d take it. Anything to get out of this endless cycle of tailing behind Voltron, waiting for them to slip up just enough for him to slip a bullet into their leader.

Patience was key here. If he could wait in hiding places for hours until the right moment appeared, he could do it on a little larger scale here. Lotor would just have to take it easy. He’d have his dead Paladin soon enough. And Felis had an idea on how to do it.

Voltron responded to distress signals, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for hanging on with me. I hope you like this and I hope I broke your hearts at least once.
> 
> Please, tell all your friends how brilliant I am. ^_^


End file.
